Love, It came silently, and
It strikes
One however , was too intoxicated with the poison on the cupid arrow, that they forget to realize the pain that comes with the strike.
It makes the simplest response a world-defining declaration.
It makes the simplest action a move with many layers of meaning.
It makes the simplest act of kindness a jar of honey
It magnifies - everything that seemed to be minuscule - a wink, a message, & a voice.
Many has been intoxicated, many has chosen death of the intoxication of love, over the instinct of survival.
And even more has chosen death, rather to awaken from the dream
And many have been immortalized for the great act of love, whether from the great act of selflessness, or the cowardice to leave the dream and face the cruel reality in front
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was in love.
Many times I had been in a dream, and many times I had awaken from a dream, lone in the bed
The wound I once thought was deep, will eventually sow itself, and barely existent lest it's the middle of the night
And with each wound, comes with a new perception of life
- to favor the abstract art of music, the beats of rock, the melody of classical, over the song that declares love of all else
- and to realize that one can live good, albeit not perfectly, alone, and to realize that it's friend that supported you over a girl that is barely there in a dream
- and to realize that one must continue moving even though nothing front is in sight, for you are dead the moment you stop moving
- and to have your own standard, because it's better to have your own rules even if the rest do not comprehend
- and that there's more than romance and love - there's ambition, friends, and there's a world that you will die trying to conquer
- and to view the world with the coldest of eye , yet greet it with the lamest of jokes
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am in love again, but
With each sensation of love - one a chemist might referred it as a shot of Oxytocin ,
Comes with a sensation of fear - the fear of rejection, the fear of humiliation.
There's always part of me that warn me to stop, even as i get wrapped more to the dream.
That part of me that made me survived till now - selfish, uncaring, and a tinge of aloofness
That part of me that society condemns, yet was the reason i can survive until now - from betrayal, families, disappointment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And he's warning me again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I look at the message
And with every smile in my mouth comes a sigh
As every colleague looked at the sheepish grin i had, deep inside i know there's a question
Will it be the same again?
A dream awakened, a new scar
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But at least one for sure
I will survive, and who knows what perception i would get this times
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 years later, Me from the future might view this with the silliest of grin, wondering what would i have been to come up with this
Or look at it with a smirk, that hints a glance of sadness
And such is life , no matter how life is
Cest La Vie
Friday, March 4, 2016
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
The crossroad from a teen to an adult
And so I ingest the poison again. It makes the head swirl. It burns my body. It upsets my stomach. It clouded my senses
Yet, everyone is busy ingesting the poison to their body, while all in the merry mode. I looked at this cup, wondering why so many were willing to drink this filth.
" Drink it "
" It's only half a cup "
And buried among st the voice, I pick up the poison, and ingest it right to my tummy.
It never feels good. No matter how many times I drink it up.
Yet, it's hard not to think I'm the exception, because everyone seems to feel good with this poison.
Yes. I am talking about alcohol...
And so again, I was once again shoe-horned into something that I hate.
As I drove back to my house, I began to wonder. Didn't I hate this thing? I had tried alchohol as early as 9 with my first cup of shandy. And it left me twirling around for 3 hours.
Yet it amazes me on how I could ingest this thing. All for sake of the folks that cheers for you, those folks that will not give a rat ass about you on whether you will crash the lamp-post on your way back.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is adulthood.
It's a cross-road when every teen leaps when he first broke to the world, the leap of faith to society
When you are the "adult" of the society, you are granted an infinite amount of freedom that you won't have as a child. The way you life, the car you drive, the work you have, the money you'll spend and the things that you'll buy. It's time, when asking money from anyone without any repercussion, is out of the question.
Yet at the same time, a few threads dangles above you - in your hand, your head, your leg. And the puppeteer that controls the puppet named you is a thing known as "society".
We are controlled by the puppet string of society, yet we are part of the puppet string itself.
The leap to adulthood, is when you realized the tiny silver puppet string that ties your hand.
Although in some case, you could hate it, you can't help but notice, there's a tiny little bit of you in the string, presumably binding on others
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
" I hate adult. " I once had this notion twice.
I once told myself that I hate adult when I was a kid. I questioned myself. Why do we have to call every single adult we meet? Why do the adults get everything first ? Why do they think themselves highly above us ? And why did of all things, we have to be punished by them when we simply pisses them off.
And when I was a 14 years old teen. I once again told myself. Why would the adults never admit their mistake? Why did they impose their superiority on us ? And why are we binded to their customs and their rule? Why are they betraying others without hesitation? Seeking for fame and having a war on things that seemed to be trivial??"
And I told myself not to be a stinking adult like this when I grown up.
Looking back at it, it's very easy to see how naive I was. It's all because I did not see the invisible string that ties all of us.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adulthood is when you realizes the world is not black and white, but merely a color of grey with different intensity of black and white.
Is lying immoral ? And is honesty the best policy ? And should we regard other human being as equal?
Does sacrificing other for your own survival, a bad thing? YES ?
How about if that person has a built up fame for years? How about if he has a family and a car to attend? And how about the sacrificial lamb is merely a brat?
And if the person that has to sacrifice others happens to be you, can you say YES ? And if failing to sacrifice others means a social disgrace, a loss of opportunity or even threatening your worklife, can you say YES
Adulthood is when you realize black is merely another form of grey.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back to the real world
" I can smell your alcoholic stench miles away. You are almost hopeless. "
I grudged, saying nothing. Because I realized it's a choice I made as an adult, regardless whether it's a forced choice. I know he has to stop somewhere. Regardless whether this alcohol stench adult is doing, the best thing he can do is an advice. The "once before a kid" is now walking the crossroad to an adult.
" Nobody can really force you on things what you can't do." He once said it
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's string binding me, governing me on what should I do. It makes me continue paving on the road I reluctant to walk, it echos to me " I am an adult " , just when I decide to give everything up.
But a line has to be drawn somewhere
After all, no one really cares about you as you shaft those poison into you. The cruelty of adulthood is that no adult will never see any other adult as a kid that requires help or guidance, regardless of age. They will bind you into their rules, like how adult bind the others.
So I will make up my own rule.
No one can force me to swallow that cursed poison again. They are merely forcing other into it because he/she has realized that he's too poisoned to pull out.
I am more afraid to be this kind adult than anything else.
Times to make rule up, like once I was a kid
If anyone ever mentioned alcohol again in front of me.
Fuck'em
Yet, everyone is busy ingesting the poison to their body, while all in the merry mode. I looked at this cup, wondering why so many were willing to drink this filth.
" Drink it "
" It's only half a cup "
And buried among st the voice, I pick up the poison, and ingest it right to my tummy.
It never feels good. No matter how many times I drink it up.
Yet, it's hard not to think I'm the exception, because everyone seems to feel good with this poison.
Yes. I am talking about alcohol...
And so again, I was once again shoe-horned into something that I hate.
As I drove back to my house, I began to wonder. Didn't I hate this thing? I had tried alchohol as early as 9 with my first cup of shandy. And it left me twirling around for 3 hours.
Yet it amazes me on how I could ingest this thing. All for sake of the folks that cheers for you, those folks that will not give a rat ass about you on whether you will crash the lamp-post on your way back.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is adulthood.
It's a cross-road when every teen leaps when he first broke to the world, the leap of faith to society
When you are the "adult" of the society, you are granted an infinite amount of freedom that you won't have as a child. The way you life, the car you drive, the work you have, the money you'll spend and the things that you'll buy. It's time, when asking money from anyone without any repercussion, is out of the question.
Yet at the same time, a few threads dangles above you - in your hand, your head, your leg. And the puppeteer that controls the puppet named you is a thing known as "society".
We are controlled by the puppet string of society, yet we are part of the puppet string itself.
The leap to adulthood, is when you realized the tiny silver puppet string that ties your hand.
Although in some case, you could hate it, you can't help but notice, there's a tiny little bit of you in the string, presumably binding on others
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
" I hate adult. " I once had this notion twice.
I once told myself that I hate adult when I was a kid. I questioned myself. Why do we have to call every single adult we meet? Why do the adults get everything first ? Why do they think themselves highly above us ? And why did of all things, we have to be punished by them when we simply pisses them off.
And when I was a 14 years old teen. I once again told myself. Why would the adults never admit their mistake? Why did they impose their superiority on us ? And why are we binded to their customs and their rule? Why are they betraying others without hesitation? Seeking for fame and having a war on things that seemed to be trivial??"
And I told myself not to be a stinking adult like this when I grown up.
Looking back at it, it's very easy to see how naive I was. It's all because I did not see the invisible string that ties all of us.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adulthood is when you realizes the world is not black and white, but merely a color of grey with different intensity of black and white.
Is lying immoral ? And is honesty the best policy ? And should we regard other human being as equal?
Does sacrificing other for your own survival, a bad thing? YES ?
How about if that person has a built up fame for years? How about if he has a family and a car to attend? And how about the sacrificial lamb is merely a brat?
And if the person that has to sacrifice others happens to be you, can you say YES ? And if failing to sacrifice others means a social disgrace, a loss of opportunity or even threatening your worklife, can you say YES
Adulthood is when you realize black is merely another form of grey.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back to the real world
" I can smell your alcoholic stench miles away. You are almost hopeless. "
I grudged, saying nothing. Because I realized it's a choice I made as an adult, regardless whether it's a forced choice. I know he has to stop somewhere. Regardless whether this alcohol stench adult is doing, the best thing he can do is an advice. The "once before a kid" is now walking the crossroad to an adult.
" Nobody can really force you on things what you can't do." He once said it
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's string binding me, governing me on what should I do. It makes me continue paving on the road I reluctant to walk, it echos to me " I am an adult " , just when I decide to give everything up.
But a line has to be drawn somewhere
After all, no one really cares about you as you shaft those poison into you. The cruelty of adulthood is that no adult will never see any other adult as a kid that requires help or guidance, regardless of age. They will bind you into their rules, like how adult bind the others.
So I will make up my own rule.
No one can force me to swallow that cursed poison again. They are merely forcing other into it because he/she has realized that he's too poisoned to pull out.
I am more afraid to be this kind adult than anything else.
Times to make rule up, like once I was a kid
If anyone ever mentioned alcohol again in front of me.
Fuck'em
Saturday, December 8, 2012
不开心
好坦率的一个题目.
我现在很不开心, 但我真的说不出口.
面对老妈问题 “什么, 你老板讲你不行? 真的吗的时候， 我说不出口， 说你儿子不行。也更加说不出，我在美国学到的种种，在我工作上行不通。
我想改。但是这条路不好走。 今天，我老板说我的沟通得改善。 昨日，我的大老板骂得我狗血淋头。 我的前辈看我，不禁摇头。坦率的说“我看不到你的优点”
这些， 我能忘得下吗？
我随数公司不好，但是难免会心虚。问题很多是 公司3分 我占了 7分。
随恨但又怕。向丢下工作一走，没有人请我。
自己背这一个美国留学生， 但却做不到像一个美国会来，经过风吹雨打的工程师。
自己虽22 岁，但样子老了多，思想也比我同一辈的人老很多。 少了动力， 却多了一份安定的纳闷。酒不沾，烟不抽，不色，不花， 就因为如此少了话题。
今天，我喜欢了3 年的女生说 她要去新加坡， 我说不出请你留下。
自己在她心里，可能最多是一个帮过她的男生。
我能吗? 自己在中学时给了人家的影响，改不到，改不了。
我真的好累。自己在改变的路上，碰钉又敲柱。
一句鼓励的话我听不到。
也许，我自己也不敢相信， 那句鼓励的话，背后的动机。
前面的路，我看不到。
但， Churchil 说。
如果前方是地狱也好，走下去。
自己早前的地狱，我也过了
我今天失恋了，工作失利。
但是路还得走，虽然我看不到前方。
美琪，祝你一路顺利。
我还有一段难走的路，走下去。
好吧， 部落格。我得睡了。明天要把路走下去。
Saturday, January 21, 2012
无题
今天单独走路回家时， 蒙蒙糊糊的想起自己有个部落格。
四年前， 当时的我看见人家有个部落格，心里想了到底有人会看我写的东西吗。 当时自己心想这是写给自己的日记，写得有理！ 现在想回， 当时写的东西都是给人看的。有没有把自己那四年的过去写下，我自己也不知道。
自己也没有哪个勇气去看自己在那四年写了什么。 我说不定会因为太过羞辱而放弃写这篇文章。苏格拉底，我可真的对不起你啊， 把你为了追求真理而死的心态放在我的部落格，我可是糊涂。希望你泉下有知，放过这个无知的我。
这次， 写的文章是给我自己， 给我那两年的生涯做个结论。 好好反省这两年所看所过
--------------------------------------------------------
但你不怕人家看到吗？
怕什么？ 我的为人相信大家也知道。 在我背后道数我的言语我也不知道。反正都不会是好事。就算给人看到了，也不过是黑炭上加墨，还是那么黑。
而且
-----------------------------------------------------------
你没发现到没人来过这儿吗？
人生是一个很奇怪的东西。
当你在追求真理的大学，才会发现到那真理和你无关。
当你在促进自我的网站，才会发现到你的自我其实没有什么值得一看的。
报这哪一幅“要人家知道我多好的心态”， 我开了这个部落格。 四年后，转了个大圈，才发现自己没有什么好处而言。
论语有言“己所不欲，勿施于人”， 自己时常自问人家面子书所写所“分享"实已己无关。 但自己往往犯了这个错误。 虽是这样说，但我还是要留下这个部落格，哪怕有一天自己开始混了头，我还有自己以前所写下的垃圾当是启示。
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
这几年来，发现了很多
数年前，我讥笑相信宗教的傻瓜。
往年后，他们证明了我是哪个傻瓜。
数年前，坚决人家不了解真正的我。
往年后， 才发现最不了解自己的人是我。
数年前讥笑那些为了小事结束生命。
往年后，我差点把自己的命自己送掉。
数年前，自己认为一班醉猫是堆傻瓜
往年后，才发现要醉也得自己醉
但有样东西我可肯定，往年后，自己会开始说数年前的我可是无知。可能几年后的我会把这片空地扫掉， 但我还是期待几年后的我会写什么
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
就凭这股好奇心，我就看LIFE这个东西有什么等 下去。
四年前， 当时的我看见人家有个部落格，心里想了到底有人会看我写的东西吗。 当时自己心想这是写给自己的日记，写得有理！ 现在想回， 当时写的东西都是给人看的。有没有把自己那四年的过去写下，我自己也不知道。
自己也没有哪个勇气去看自己在那四年写了什么。 我说不定会因为太过羞辱而放弃写这篇文章。苏格拉底，我可真的对不起你啊， 把你为了追求真理而死的心态放在我的部落格，我可是糊涂。希望你泉下有知，放过这个无知的我。
这次， 写的文章是给我自己， 给我那两年的生涯做个结论。 好好反省这两年所看所过
--------------------------------------------------------
但你不怕人家看到吗？
怕什么？ 我的为人相信大家也知道。 在我背后道数我的言语我也不知道。反正都不会是好事。就算给人看到了，也不过是黑炭上加墨，还是那么黑。
而且
-----------------------------------------------------------
你没发现到没人来过这儿吗？
人生是一个很奇怪的东西。
当你在追求真理的大学，才会发现到那真理和你无关。
当你在促进自我的网站，才会发现到你的自我其实没有什么值得一看的。
报这哪一幅“要人家知道我多好的心态”， 我开了这个部落格。 四年后，转了个大圈，才发现自己没有什么好处而言。
论语有言“己所不欲，勿施于人”， 自己时常自问人家面子书所写所“分享"实已己无关。 但自己往往犯了这个错误。 虽是这样说，但我还是要留下这个部落格，哪怕有一天自己开始混了头，我还有自己以前所写下的垃圾当是启示。
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
这几年来，发现了很多
数年前，我讥笑相信宗教的傻瓜。
往年后，他们证明了我是哪个傻瓜。
数年前，坚决人家不了解真正的我。
往年后， 才发现最不了解自己的人是我。
数年前讥笑那些为了小事结束生命。
往年后，我差点把自己的命自己送掉。
数年前，自己认为一班醉猫是堆傻瓜
往年后，才发现要醉也得自己醉
但有样东西我可肯定，往年后，自己会开始说数年前的我可是无知。可能几年后的我会把这片空地扫掉， 但我还是期待几年后的我会写什么
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
就凭这股好奇心，我就看LIFE这个东西有什么等 下去。
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Food of thought of the day
= = = = = = = = = = =
The power of irrationality
= = = = = = = = = = =
We have this nice cozy image of human being a rational being. We are...rational. We know what to think, the right thing to do and say, we have our own set of values, and we will always do the right thing to do.
Erm, unless stated otherwise, psychology has pretty much proven us a bunch of irrational folk. There is always one question that I asked, just to reassert the point we are not really a rational folk.
You go to a store to buy a toothpaste. It's 4dollars, but if you buy tomorrow, it's 2 dollars. Will you buy tomorrow?
This is a no brainer question, of course yes.
Then you go to Bestbuy to buy laptop, it's 900 dollars, but if you buy tomorrow, it's 4 dollars. Will you buy tomorrow.
Of course not.....
WAIT...
Why a difference of reaction, on a similar amount of saving. Why are we thinking in percentage all of sudden? To point out, the 4 dollars (or 2 dollars) doesn't have difference if "Hello, I am the measely 0.003% you saved from the laptop sale " and Hello, I am the 2 dollars you save from 50% discount of toothpaste sale.
We are really attracted in a high number of % , as composed to a high amount of money. A store can publish up to 70% discount on products, only when you realize the 70% discount is on a 10 dollar product and your dream 200 dollar product has a measly 5% discount.
A 1 dollar saving, eh - not so much, oh wait 20%, ah now it is something. Although keep in mind i am referring to the 5 dollar frozen veggie pack in rainbow.
= = = = = = = = = =
Anchor
= = = = = = = = = =
If you noticed when you are buying some gadget, or going to some unknown restaurant. There is a concept of anchor, in which a product that you don't want to buy influence your choice.
http://www.t-mobile.com/shop/plans/Cell-Phone-Plans.aspx?catgroup=Individual&WT.z_shop_plansLP=individual
Question. If you do check the website, how do you know
The power of irrationality
= = = = = = = = = = =
We have this nice cozy image of human being a rational being. We are...rational. We know what to think, the right thing to do and say, we have our own set of values, and we will always do the right thing to do.
Erm, unless stated otherwise, psychology has pretty much proven us a bunch of irrational folk. There is always one question that I asked, just to reassert the point we are not really a rational folk.
You go to a store to buy a toothpaste. It's 4dollars, but if you buy tomorrow, it's 2 dollars. Will you buy tomorrow?
This is a no brainer question, of course yes.
Then you go to Bestbuy to buy laptop, it's 900 dollars, but if you buy tomorrow, it's 4 dollars. Will you buy tomorrow.
Of course not.....
WAIT...
Why a difference of reaction, on a similar amount of saving. Why are we thinking in percentage all of sudden? To point out, the 4 dollars (or 2 dollars) doesn't have difference if "Hello, I am the measely 0.003% you saved from the laptop sale " and Hello, I am the 2 dollars you save from 50% discount of toothpaste sale.
We are really attracted in a high number of % , as composed to a high amount of money. A store can publish up to 70% discount on products, only when you realize the 70% discount is on a 10 dollar product and your dream 200 dollar product has a measly 5% discount.
A 1 dollar saving, eh - not so much, oh wait 20%, ah now it is something. Although keep in mind i am referring to the 5 dollar frozen veggie pack in rainbow.
= = = = = = = = = =
Anchor
= = = = = = = = = =
If you noticed when you are buying some gadget, or going to some unknown restaurant. There is a concept of anchor, in which a product that you don't want to buy influence your choice.
http://www.t-mobile.com/shop/plans/Cell-Phone-Plans.aspx?catgroup=Individual&WT.z_shop_plansLP=individual
Question. If you do check the website, how do you know
Unlimited Talk + Text + Data (2 GB of high-speed data) for USD 79.99 is such a good deal?
You seriously can't tell whether this is good or not. So you decide to "compare", and here's when the anchor gets awry.
Unlimited Talk + Text + Data (200 MB of high-speed data) For 69.99 ?
Aha, just an upgrade of 10 dollars, and you can have 2gb instead of 200mb, that's like x10 of the price. Dang, the 79.99dollars deal is good? But if you will stop and think for a second....
Who the heck in this world will only use 200MB bandwidth for a month? If you go youtube at least once a day , download some pdf document, download some apple or android app, you are very most probably exceed the limit. Keep in mind, i am drawing my assumption based on how I toyed with my android toy. The 200MB limit? I swear it's reached just a couple of days.
So, why the heck AT&T has this plan of 200MB? Could there really a customer that uses a 200MB net on a month with a smartphone? AT&T knows more about user bandwidth much than i do, And they know practically a 200MB plan is horribly unpopular. But why the package is still there?
Easy, the 200MB plan is there to tell you that the 79.99 plan is good. Why is it good? because 69.99 dollar plan only has 200MB plan instead of 2GB. It's a 10 dollars and you get 10 TIMES the speed! T-mobile folk suddenly make you think that 79.99 deal sound so good, because of a 69.99 deal that you won't bother.
Even when you subscribe the plan just for the sake of the phone, you will find the 79.99 dollars deal incredibly irresistible, unless you don't plan to facebook in your phone at all - which i sincerely doubt. And the fact I point out this whole anchor thing, it ;s not really useful in the end.
I will discuss about anchoring in more detail, but i am sleepy. If you will listen to the tale why am i still awake...
==============
Emotional
==============
The Greek once pointed out the ethos pathos logos, which is the three way speech is delivered. Ethos is a emphasis on credibility, pathos is emphasis on emotion , and logos is the emphasis of logic. We are thought the logos way, in which speech is delivered logically. However, as my experience dictates, logic as a way to reason is a horrid horrid way.
In recent wake of Japan Tsunami, we have once again talks about nuclear as a bad alternative to energy. It is very easy to point out the fact that the little radioactive element surpass coal, and petroleum. Go to wikipedia, and you have figures of a coal plant emit much more radiation than uranium, and you have more people die because of coal plant mining instead of nuclear explosion, along with the fact that a uranium mining center has the same level radiation as background radiation etc etc etc......
This is what geeks call a shitload of evidence, although someone could just shoot down this fact by
1.) Mentioning chernobyl incident, a nuclear disaster that happen on a rare basis, and he will show how the city is destroyed, and proceed to mutant baby, along with some background music.
2.) Show you a game of resident evil, and point this to uranium as fault.
Despite of the apparent logic behind nuclear, those chernobyl reactor pictures, along with the grim music, and those zombies will prolly scare the logic out of you. This is one of the nuclear advocator fail to understand - that emotion is a better tool to convince than logic. In promoting nuclear plant as opposed of coal plant, I will suggest
a.) dig out the corpse of people that died in coal plant disaster, and picture it as true and scary as it could be
b.) take a geiger muller tube, and measure how high coal plant radiation rate is, then proceed to have a doctor speaking behind how those radiation can kill you
But who am i to say i am a logical being. Early 4am in the morning, when I was prepared to sleep, my secret little crush appeared on facebook. A few short conversation proved this crush might as well ended up crushed. The logical mind tells me to sleep, but the emotional part tell me to wait.
It was half an hour before I finally close the laptop.
After checking my android device for facebook, and convincing that my logic is heeding, I scrambled to grab my laptop after I saw a facebook message of "are you still here?"
To date now, it is 9 o clock, and the rest of the time is spent - ironically, on typing how irrational people is, and reading how irrational people can be - In Dan Ariely's predictably Irrational . the emotional part clearly deprived me on sleep.
Perception of right and truth
This is a very weird thought experiment....
What is the difference between this two logic?
Logic 1
1. Statement 1: I am always right
2. Statement 2: If I am not right, refer statement 1.
Logic 2
1. Statement 1: Fact is true
2. Statement 2: What I say is fact
3. Statement 3: If what I say doesn't agree with world's fact, the world is wrong.
This is a daily quarrel sparked on somewhere in a day....At first, the two logic sound almost the same damn thing. You can picture someone that say those thing is a bigot that think that he is always right? Or is it really the same?
But thinking for the sake of thinking, let's inspect this two statement
Statement 1 is basically rephrased as "I am right and never wrong". No people will like to associate themselves to this kind of statement. It was a totalitarian statement, a statement of a brute. No one will think of them as "right and never wrong", because by saying this statement 1 out, you had just tell the world is a bigot.
How about logic 2?
Statement 2 , at a first glance is no different. But there exist a few words. For one, there is this existence of "fact is true", which somehow implies that there is a universal fact/truth lingering around there. The first statement indirectly implies that there's an entity of truth that is absolute.
In fact, if you look hard enough, the "fact is truth" statement manifest itself in a lot of form in today's life.
- John 1.46 - , "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.
- The movement of 911 as government is doing the inside job is known as 9/11 Truth movement
- There's a lot of "the evil truth of Mohammed" lingering around youtube.
- And similarly speaking, you have "the evil truth of Jew" and "Evil truth of Christianity" lingering around Google
- To relate to the latest event of Bersih movement, each party is trying to make their stand-point that the cause they are fighting is the truth
Poke on statement 2:
- What I say is fact
- The word "say" could be misnomer. It could be "what I think,do, or say is factual, hence is true. Once you realized the logic of statement 1, you can realize that statement 2 is basically an alignment, that the person said/do/think is aligned to truth.
And this is what separates logic number1 and 2. Logic number 1 assume that he is the ultimate truth, and hence always right . Logic number 2 however assert of an universal truth, and he is aligned to the truth. What I say is fact, which is true - indirectly acknowledges that there is something superior to "I" , and that is the "truth". Replace the truth with a theory, a religion, and suddenly things get more interesting to poke at.
Unconvinced?
The statement "The 911 incident is an insider job in fact done by the government" sound more convincing that "the 911 incident is an insider job by government". Maybe there's only a difference of word length, but imagine this is a statement told by 2 guy. I can tell the 2nd guy is more confident than the first guy, but the first guy probably has more evidence that the 2nd guy.
The third statement of " If what I say doesn't agree with world's fact, the world is wrong." is a replication of Cao Cao saying. But set that aside, I think "the world" is also a misnomer. The world will be probably better if you replaced it with "People that disagree with me". Well, it's either people agree with you or people disagree with you on a certain issue (the fence-stander is nt discussed). And it is most probably the "person that disagrees" that is on the wrong side.
Note at this point of discussion, I might poke on religion or some belief territory without noticing. Well, I can assure I am a fence-stander in those issue. I poke the mind, and that's all I do if you are engaging a mind experiment. Think it this way - Someone that say "Allah is the truth" and "Jesus is the truth" is actually no different than " The truth is there is no god and god is a delusion". All three parties, are aligned to a statement of absolute truth.
But in the end of the day, I don't really think there's anything wrong with people of mindset logic 1 and mindset logic 2. What I feared it there exist an untold statement in result on logic 1 and logic 2...
"The one that is wrong/alligned in the wrong course must be righted. "
What is the difference between this two logic?
Logic 1
1. Statement 1: I am always right
2. Statement 2: If I am not right, refer statement 1.
Logic 2
1. Statement 1: Fact is true
2. Statement 2: What I say is fact
3. Statement 3: If what I say doesn't agree with world's fact, the world is wrong.
This is a daily quarrel sparked on somewhere in a day....At first, the two logic sound almost the same damn thing. You can picture someone that say those thing is a bigot that think that he is always right? Or is it really the same?
But thinking for the sake of thinking, let's inspect this two statement
Statement 1 is basically rephrased as "I am right and never wrong". No people will like to associate themselves to this kind of statement. It was a totalitarian statement, a statement of a brute. No one will think of them as "right and never wrong", because by saying this statement 1 out, you had just tell the world is a bigot.
How about logic 2?
Statement 2 , at a first glance is no different. But there exist a few words. For one, there is this existence of "fact is true", which somehow implies that there is a universal fact/truth lingering around there. The first statement indirectly implies that there's an entity of truth that is absolute.
In fact, if you look hard enough, the "fact is truth" statement manifest itself in a lot of form in today's life.
- John 1.46 - , "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.
- The movement of 911 as government is doing the inside job is known as 9/11 Truth movement
- There's a lot of "the evil truth of Mohammed" lingering around youtube.
- And similarly speaking, you have "the evil truth of Jew" and "Evil truth of Christianity" lingering around Google
- To relate to the latest event of Bersih movement, each party is trying to make their stand-point that the cause they are fighting is the truth
Poke on statement 2:
- What I say is fact
- The word "say" could be misnomer. It could be "what I think,do, or say is factual, hence is true. Once you realized the logic of statement 1, you can realize that statement 2 is basically an alignment, that the person said/do/think is aligned to truth.
And this is what separates logic number1 and 2. Logic number 1 assume that he is the ultimate truth, and hence always right . Logic number 2 however assert of an universal truth, and he is aligned to the truth. What I say is fact, which is true - indirectly acknowledges that there is something superior to "I" , and that is the "truth". Replace the truth with a theory, a religion, and suddenly things get more interesting to poke at.
Unconvinced?
The statement "The 911 incident is an insider job in fact done by the government" sound more convincing that "the 911 incident is an insider job by government". Maybe there's only a difference of word length, but imagine this is a statement told by 2 guy. I can tell the 2nd guy is more confident than the first guy, but the first guy probably has more evidence that the 2nd guy.
The third statement of " If what I say doesn't agree with world's fact, the world is wrong." is a replication of Cao Cao saying. But set that aside, I think "the world" is also a misnomer. The world will be probably better if you replaced it with "People that disagree with me". Well, it's either people agree with you or people disagree with you on a certain issue (the fence-stander is nt discussed). And it is most probably the "person that disagrees" that is on the wrong side.
Note at this point of discussion, I might poke on religion or some belief territory without noticing. Well, I can assure I am a fence-stander in those issue. I poke the mind, and that's all I do if you are engaging a mind experiment. Think it this way - Someone that say "Allah is the truth" and "Jesus is the truth" is actually no different than " The truth is there is no god and god is a delusion". All three parties, are aligned to a statement of absolute truth.
But in the end of the day, I don't really think there's anything wrong with people of mindset logic 1 and mindset logic 2. What I feared it there exist an untold statement in result on logic 1 and logic 2...
"The one that is wrong/alligned in the wrong course must be righted. "
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Six Facebook Group that should get...(part 1/6)
ground zero-ed. Completely eradicated, removed for peace of mind.
It all started on few days, when I was doing some data acquisition in facebook ( a statistical way of saying wasting time clicking link and reading whines of others.) I came across a status update that sounds like this
Mr. XXX : Who would actually like a Salad page on Facebook? Me
Although really I want to say, it's actually perfectly normal. If you love salad, there's no reason for you not to like the page. I myself are not a fan of salad (although salad is an even instant food than instant noodle). If joining the group means you could get some salad advice,updates, or even exchanging ways to mix salad. By all means, it's a good and prolly wise thing to do.
For me myself, I have tons of like pages, and they serve some way or another to waste my time. For example, I for the nook group that I liked/joined , I will receive a wall update when Barnes and Nobles are going to give freebie for free~ And also for taylor swift, when there's a new album coming out , I will be immediately updated and went to iTUNES ( ehem, thepiratebay actually ) to download them. While some other like pages are a d**k, they won't let me reading their funny content unless I "like" their page, and so I did, and spent another 1 hour wasting time on the cybernet
But sometimes, there are just some facebook group (or I should say likes) , that makes me ponder the future of humanity when I saw another friend "liked the page". And thus, in attempt to enlighten humanity ( to bitch about them is the real thing), I decide to wander around facebook, and dug back some of the facebook pages that should be somewhere in the
6. The Like-Baiting Website
They appear in lots of form, ranging from
To.......
Reason to keep away
Those websites will prolly try to exploit the fact you are an attention whore/ someone naive enough to believe that there's free lunch. They appear from "check who is your top fan/who stalked you to Win a Ipad 2.3 , click Like now. Once you click the like, you gone through some serious permission page
Although you guys will probably smart enough to know there's no such thing as free Ipad. You could probably laughed to some idiot that fall into this Nigerian scam, and proceed to click the stalker track apps in facebook....
Congratulations, once again, to another world of spam.To ruin your bubble, although there's some "top fan page" that actually comes out with those "top fans", actually, all what they do, IS TO COUNT HOW MANY TIMES that certain person has commented. That's all.
Since stalker, well you know, they just stalk like how some dark shadow walked behind you when you're alone, which is something you never know until....(offtopic, girls and guy please be careful when walking alone, although this does not apply to me. I ate beer jerky. dude). Therefore, those apps is useless to detect these kind of people. Then you ask, "I did have some apps that worked! (and spammed some people wall in process). This is what their program actually do. In programming, it's going to be like this
howmanyviews = (rand (1,100000)) which basically generates a random number between 1 and 10000, OR
(if usergender==male); (female view > male view), (else if usergender==female); (male view> female view)
(erm, facebook doesn't have gay/lesbian in gender option)
Because, as much as you want to know who's your secret admirer, FACEBOOK DOES NOT HAVE THIS FUNCTION built in (privacy, people ) , which is, there is no way to know that people stalked you ( facebook stalker, rejoice! ) Although I couldn't deny, it's innate in human nature for us wanting to know whether we are popular or not. Even I checked how many people read my website at times, but often times, it's a painful realization that if I didn't check my blog, the views on my blog is basically a zero =__+
Well, there's no harm in trying. Who knows out of 1000, one might work. I appreciate your bottomless gap of foolishness, but I should remind you, out of 1000 apps you tried, 1000 of them will write something on your facebook wall, announcing you as an attention whore. 700 of them will send spam to your other friends chatbox telling them how failed you are for having your account hijacked. 600 of them will make your account write some stupid thing on people's wall, and 100 of them will get your facebook account disabled because you keep sending spam links that you had no idea of.
How to identify
1. If more than 10 ppl like a page, and it's not Justin Beiber/Salad/Snow Day?Packers/Ipod , you should avoid it. Sometimes, the world stupidest thing are done as a group....
2. Keyword like "win a Ipad," , fans, stalker check apps, you should avoid (Disclaimer, if you want to like these kind of fan, by all means, go ahead)
It all started on few days, when I was doing some data acquisition in facebook ( a statistical way of saying wasting time clicking link and reading whines of others.) I came across a status update that sounds like this
Mr. XXX : Who would actually like a Salad page on Facebook? Me
Although really I want to say, it's actually perfectly normal. If you love salad, there's no reason for you not to like the page. I myself are not a fan of salad (although salad is an even instant food than instant noodle). If joining the group means you could get some salad advice,updates, or even exchanging ways to mix salad. By all means, it's a good and prolly wise thing to do.
For me myself, I have tons of like pages, and they serve some way or another to waste my time. For example, I for the nook group that I liked/joined , I will receive a wall update when Barnes and Nobles are going to give freebie for free~ And also for taylor swift, when there's a new album coming out , I will be immediately updated and went to iTUNES ( ehem, thepiratebay actually ) to download them. While some other like pages are a d**k, they won't let me reading their funny content unless I "like" their page, and so I did, and spent another 1 hour wasting time on the cybernet
But sometimes, there are just some facebook group (or I should say likes) , that makes me ponder the future of humanity when I saw another friend "liked the page". And thus, in attempt to enlighten humanity ( to bitch about them is the real thing), I decide to wander around facebook, and dug back some of the facebook pages that should be somewhere in the
 |
| The ultimate location where your secret/failed assignment/ unfinished love letter/porn/humanity top secret ended |
6. The Like-Baiting Website
They appear in lots of form, ranging from
To.......
Reason to keep away
Those websites will prolly try to exploit the fact you are an attention whore/ someone naive enough to believe that there's free lunch. They appear from "check who is your top fan/who stalked you to Win a Ipad 2.3 , click Like now. Once you click the like, you gone through some serious permission page
 |
| those thing are for nerds, f**k it, stop bugging me and allow me to my Ipad 2.5 You allowed it, and yeah, welcome to the world of spam, and irritating wall spammer. You have just fallen into a like-baiting website. |
Congratulations, once again, to another world of spam.To ruin your bubble, although there's some "top fan page" that actually comes out with those "top fans", actually, all what they do, IS TO COUNT HOW MANY TIMES that certain person has commented. That's all.
Since stalker, well you know, they just stalk like how some dark shadow walked behind you when you're alone, which is something you never know until....(offtopic, girls and guy please be careful when walking alone, although this does not apply to me. I ate beer jerky. dude). Therefore, those apps is useless to detect these kind of people. Then you ask, "I did have some apps that worked! (and spammed some people wall in process). This is what their program actually do. In programming, it's going to be like this
howmanyviews = (rand (1,100000)) which basically generates a random number between 1 and 10000, OR
(if usergender==male); (female view > male view), (else if usergender==female); (male view> female view)
(erm, facebook doesn't have gay/lesbian in gender option)Because, as much as you want to know who's your secret admirer, FACEBOOK DOES NOT HAVE THIS FUNCTION built in (privacy, people ) , which is, there is no way to know that people stalked you ( facebook stalker, rejoice! ) Although I couldn't deny, it's innate in human nature for us wanting to know whether we are popular or not. Even I checked how many people read my website at times, but often times, it's a painful realization that if I didn't check my blog, the views on my blog is basically a zero =__+
 |
| I know, knowing that you are being stalked by a cute chicken kinda makes you feel good, but wait until you know it is actually my profile pic....you will wish you didn't know |
Well, there's no harm in trying. Who knows out of 1000, one might work. I appreciate your bottomless gap of foolishness, but I should remind you, out of 1000 apps you tried, 1000 of them will write something on your facebook wall, announcing you as an attention whore. 700 of them will send spam to your other friends chatbox telling them how failed you are for having your account hijacked. 600 of them will make your account write some stupid thing on people's wall, and 100 of them will get your facebook account disabled because you keep sending spam links that you had no idea of.
How to identify
1. If more than 10 ppl like a page, and it's not Justin Beiber/Salad/Snow Day?Packers/Ipod , you should avoid it. Sometimes, the world stupidest thing are done as a group....
2. Keyword like "win a Ipad," , fans, stalker check apps, you should avoid (Disclaimer, if you want to like these kind of fan, by all means, go ahead)
 |
| ah, the aerodynamic design. So cool, so sexy , you are such a manifestation of human wisdom........ 3. Keywords like I can't believe she did it LOL group, or Justin Beiber did this group. In this case, the keyword you want to avoid is LOL (believe me, the big LOL always mean nothing, and if it does mean something, it means LOL, and since LOL means nothing, and if..........(lol is often a recursion that turns out to be anything but meaningful 4. Any kind of page that wanted you to like before they let you see the content (I falled for this s**t really). Particularly when they ask you to click certain button/color to make sure you are human, you are inadvertently opening yourself to a -8 F snowstorm in a room without winter. Btw, just to let you know, if you really want to know the content so much, there's www.bypassfanpages.com for you (I hold no liability in the disappointment effect u felt after reading the real content. 5. If others fail, simply don't like anything. Just think, of thousands of spam emails, which one did you actually believed. |
Saturday, February 5, 2011
6 Engineering Assumptions~I loved to make in exam
Quoting from one of my beloved lecturer (Pn Kiran) that teaches English, "Jin Khang, do not assume! When you assume, you are making ASS of U and ME. "
If memory serves me well, the reason she ranted this sentence to me is probably because I like to use the word "assume, or I guess" in most of my daily conversations. After all, the "assume and I guess" works sort like a "get free of "responsibility jail" card ",
which basically means "hey, I don't know whether I've done that shit, even though I am quite sure I did it. And if shit happens, don't say I didn't warn you. Now go and double check this shit".
It's probably the worst mindset you could have when you are entrusted to some responsibility. But then again, never once I admitted that I am good in any administration/leadership kind of stuff...fine, you could say I 'm spineless...But then again, from what I had observed, administration/leadership skill doesn't matter much when it comes to choosing a leader. Because the majority always had the mindset "Hey this guy is cool/outspoken/weirdly weird enough to be our leader. So pick him as the group leader". And it explained why I was entrusted to some leadership role...twice, (because I fall into the "weirdly weird" category).
(*it doesn;t happen on the U. People are rational enough (or perhaps started to know what power-hungry is *)
And yeah, what I want to write again? Oh yeah, Puan Kiran... Yeah, I talked about how my lecturer, Pn Kiran, hated the element of assumption. But unfortunately she doesn't know, that my future career is related to engineering field. And after years of enrolling in an engineering course, I noticed one thing~ engineers love to make assumption (like how mathematician did~)
(that explains why Pn Kiran is stuck teaching instead of working in an engineering field, she hates assumption)
We engineers, in some (or lots) of cases, we love to make assumption like "assume this variable/effect is negligible, assume a steady state condition, assume this *constant* to be some constant value *number* , assume this item is isotropic and etc etc etc*
And things get even fun when you are told to make an "educated assumption", and your solution will be based on your assumption. Just yesterday, I was involved in solving some question that involves some scary geometry because a lot of shitty variable has to be accounted, and the final solution is getting awkward...until
the TA say "thickness is negligible in your calculation. Just include this fact in your assumption and you have a much simpler solution". Whee!
And so, I was thinking...If we could just make assumptions on these kind of questions~...(note, technicality incoming)
Problem 1-assume a negligible value
Given this piece of metal with these dimensions x length, y width and z height, with constant k(thermal conductivity), with difference of temperature (y). Find the heat conduction rate~
My assumption: Heat conduction rate in the above problem is assumed to be negligible
Answer: Zero
Justification: Often time, when we do engineering analysis, we have to omit some term (by making some engineering assumption), so that the algebra involved is much easier. Also, some term are omitted because they meant to illustrate some relationship between 2 variables. There might also be cases when a particular variable will involve you a lot of calculation, yet giving an answer that is close to zero. Or (maybe most of the time), they just want to save time printing and writing textbook, and the textbook writer hates calculus
Don't do this: Because when the question ask you to find x, you say x is negligible and proceed to give a zero as answer. This is like "hey, I am asking you whether you stole my money" and you answer "in this case, your money is negligible.......and proceed to say, zero is my answer"
Problem 2-assume a constant value
Given this piece of metal with these dimensions x length, y width and z height, with constant k(thermal conductivity), with difference of temperature (y). Find the heat conduction rate~
My assumption: I assume that heat conduction rate is a constant value of 1
Answer : 1
Justification: Sometimes, textbook knows that you have to solve a 3rd-4th order of differential equation, and thus, they provide you with some constant so that you could save some time and instead solving for things that really mattered
Don't do this: Because when question asked you to solve , they are asking you to SOLVE the answer, not ASSUMING the answer
Problem 3-assume a working conditionsGiven this piece of metal with these dimensions x length, y width and z height, with constant k(thermal conductivity), with difference of temperature (y). Assume the conduction rate to be TWO dimensional. Find net conduction rate on point (x,y)
My assumption: I assume that the conduction rate is ONE dimensional (f**k it, two dimensional type of question is hard)
Justification : One dimensional type of problem involves a simple plug in into formula work while two dimensional type of problem involves shitty differential equation stuff that gonna makes you bang the wall. Therefore, in most engineering condition, we love 1D heat analysis than 2D heat analysis, but sometimes, people had to go through some shitty 2D conduction rate calculation because an accurate answer is needed
Don't do this: Because you are basically changing the question
Problem 4 - Deriving a formula
Given this piece of metal with these dimensions x length, y width and z height, with constant k(thermal conductivity), with difference of temperature (y). Derive the formula for heat conduction rate
My assumption : Since I bring my textbook, I know what the formula is
Answer : (copy from textbook, skipping those derivation process)
Justification: There's always a lot of exam question asking you to derive formulas, while you are thinking 'WTF other engineers/mathematician had derived this thing before, found us the formula, and print it in textbook. (possibly getting some nobel prizes in the process)" So why did you want me to repeat this whole shit again! Well, deriving it, often or not, test whether you understand the working concept and algebra behind the formula, so that you won't end up as some engineer that only know how to memorize formula.
Don't do this: Because "deriving a formula IS NOT copying a formula"
Problem 5 - Reality, dude, reality!
In a circuit, a resistor of 5ohm is connected to a 6000Volts power source, find the current in resistor
My assumption: In reality , when you connect a high voltage power source to a low resistance resistor, the resistor is going to explode/fried...
Answer: 0, the resistor is fried
Justification: You might be true in trality case, but then again, how many textbook questions are based on reality ? They just want to train your problem solving skill
Don't do this: Because 1.)you are inferring how stupid the person that write the exam question, and 2.) you did not solve the question. Expect a mad professor to give you a fail grade because of that answer alone.
Problem 6- My answer is always right
Given this piece of metal with these dimensions x length, y width and z height, with constant k(thermal conductivity), with difference of temperature (y). Find the heat conduction rate~
Answer: My answer will be the correct solution
Justification: Ok, this is just not going to work
Don't do this: Unless you want to get a fail grade in your exam
If memory serves me well, the reason she ranted this sentence to me is probably because I like to use the word "assume, or I guess" in most of my daily conversations. After all, the "assume and I guess" works sort like a "get free of "responsibility jail" card ",
which basically means "hey, I don't know whether I've done that shit, even though I am quite sure I did it. And if shit happens, don't say I didn't warn you. Now go and double check this shit".
It's probably the worst mindset you could have when you are entrusted to some responsibility. But then again, never once I admitted that I am good in any administration/leadership kind of stuff...fine, you could say I 'm spineless...But then again, from what I had observed, administration/leadership skill doesn't matter much when it comes to choosing a leader. Because the majority always had the mindset "Hey this guy is cool/outspoken/weirdly weird enough to be our leader. So pick him as the group leader". And it explained why I was entrusted to some leadership role...twice, (because I fall into the "weirdly weird" category).
(*it doesn;t happen on the U. People are rational enough (or perhaps started to know what power-hungry is *)
And yeah, what I want to write again? Oh yeah, Puan Kiran... Yeah, I talked about how my lecturer, Pn Kiran, hated the element of assumption. But unfortunately she doesn't know, that my future career is related to engineering field. And after years of enrolling in an engineering course, I noticed one thing~ engineers love to make assumption (like how mathematician did~)
(that explains why Pn Kiran is stuck teaching instead of working in an engineering field, she hates assumption)
We engineers, in some (or lots) of cases, we love to make assumption like "assume this variable/effect is negligible, assume a steady state condition, assume this *constant* to be some constant value *number* , assume this item is isotropic and etc etc etc*
And things get even fun when you are told to make an "educated assumption", and your solution will be based on your assumption. Just yesterday, I was involved in solving some question that involves some scary geometry because a lot of shitty variable has to be accounted, and the final solution is getting awkward...until
the TA say "thickness is negligible in your calculation. Just include this fact in your assumption and you have a much simpler solution". Whee!
And so, I was thinking...If we could just make assumptions on these kind of questions~...(note, technicality incoming)
Problem 1-assume a negligible value
Given this piece of metal with these dimensions x length, y width and z height, with constant k(thermal conductivity), with difference of temperature (y). Find the heat conduction rate~
My assumption: Heat conduction rate in the above problem is assumed to be negligible
Answer: Zero
Justification: Often time, when we do engineering analysis, we have to omit some term (by making some engineering assumption), so that the algebra involved is much easier. Also, some term are omitted because they meant to illustrate some relationship between 2 variables. There might also be cases when a particular variable will involve you a lot of calculation, yet giving an answer that is close to zero. Or (maybe most of the time), they just want to save time printing and writing textbook, and the textbook writer hates calculus
Don't do this: Because when the question ask you to find x, you say x is negligible and proceed to give a zero as answer. This is like "hey, I am asking you whether you stole my money" and you answer "in this case, your money is negligible.......and proceed to say, zero is my answer"
Problem 2-assume a constant value
Given this piece of metal with these dimensions x length, y width and z height, with constant k(thermal conductivity), with difference of temperature (y). Find the heat conduction rate~
My assumption: I assume that heat conduction rate is a constant value of 1
Answer : 1
Justification: Sometimes, textbook knows that you have to solve a 3rd-4th order of differential equation, and thus, they provide you with some constant so that you could save some time and instead solving for things that really mattered
Don't do this: Because when question asked you to solve , they are asking you to SOLVE the answer, not ASSUMING the answer
Problem 3-assume a working conditionsGiven this piece of metal with these dimensions x length, y width and z height, with constant k(thermal conductivity), with difference of temperature (y). Assume the conduction rate to be TWO dimensional. Find net conduction rate on point (x,y)
My assumption: I assume that the conduction rate is ONE dimensional (f**k it, two dimensional type of question is hard)
Justification : One dimensional type of problem involves a simple plug in into formula work while two dimensional type of problem involves shitty differential equation stuff that gonna makes you bang the wall. Therefore, in most engineering condition, we love 1D heat analysis than 2D heat analysis, but sometimes, people had to go through some shitty 2D conduction rate calculation because an accurate answer is needed
Don't do this: Because you are basically changing the question
Problem 4 - Deriving a formula
Given this piece of metal with these dimensions x length, y width and z height, with constant k(thermal conductivity), with difference of temperature (y). Derive the formula for heat conduction rate
My assumption : Since I bring my textbook, I know what the formula is
Answer : (copy from textbook, skipping those derivation process)
Justification: There's always a lot of exam question asking you to derive formulas, while you are thinking 'WTF other engineers/mathematician had derived this thing before, found us the formula, and print it in textbook. (possibly getting some nobel prizes in the process)" So why did you want me to repeat this whole shit again! Well, deriving it, often or not, test whether you understand the working concept and algebra behind the formula, so that you won't end up as some engineer that only know how to memorize formula.
Don't do this: Because "deriving a formula IS NOT copying a formula"
Problem 5 - Reality, dude, reality!
In a circuit, a resistor of 5ohm is connected to a 6000Volts power source, find the current in resistor
My assumption: In reality , when you connect a high voltage power source to a low resistance resistor, the resistor is going to explode/fried...
Answer: 0, the resistor is fried
Justification: You might be true in trality case, but then again, how many textbook questions are based on reality ? They just want to train your problem solving skill
Don't do this: Because 1.)you are inferring how stupid the person that write the exam question, and 2.) you did not solve the question. Expect a mad professor to give you a fail grade because of that answer alone.
Problem 6- My answer is always right
Given this piece of metal with these dimensions x length, y width and z height, with constant k(thermal conductivity), with difference of temperature (y). Find the heat conduction rate~
Answer: My answer will be the correct solution
Justification: Ok, this is just not going to work
Don't do this: Unless you want to get a fail grade in your exam
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Happy Chinese New Year, or wait...
You sure the word Happy is the right word here?
And wait, I just thought of the best greeting card I can have for this year
I can say that my Chinese New Year in Malaysia are more awesome than this sh*t........or wait...
===3 Years Ago===
Me : It's a good weekend, dang, why am i waking up so early, zzzz
Mom : Work! It's the OMG Chinese new Year. Get your shirt and work ready, and yeah, btw, don't wear black shirt during work
Me : Hey, I had to went back to Shah Alam after....
Mom : Ok, 5 more minutes and we gonna move..
Me : Ok... Wait me to bath...
===5 Years Ago===
Worker A: I get like total of RM200 from all the customer I served . Some customer just gone apeshit and keep giving huge amount of angpau. It's RM20 per angpau. Dang, this is awesome....
Worker B: Huh. This is something that happens often, this happens like 3 times a day during chinese New Year. hey, Ah hong, how much you get...
Me : RM2...( No wonder no one was there when things get really apeshit. You guys leave your post and leave all those shit for me to handle)
===3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11 Years and on going===
Me : Why we have to work during Chinese New Year
Mom : No money. That's why
(humming) Money don't grow on trees, I've got bills to pay, i got mouth's to feed.....(Ain't no rest for the wicked)
===4,5,6,7,8,9,10 years===
Me and friends : Happy Chinese New Year, wait, why there's no one in the house?
Friend A : Dunno, I heard he/she went relative house / overseas to celebrate Chinese New Year
===(Happen every goddamn years)===
Me : Shit, just how many homeworks left. Ow shit, fine, guess I just don't submit....
===(Happen somewhere in childhood year)===
Mom : Don't steal the kuih kapit anymore
Me : Ok (snatch another piece)
Mom : IF U WAN TO STEAL THAT MUCH, EAT THE WHOLE CAN!
Me : (keep eating)
===(Years to Come after the event)===
Me : Sorry, I don't like kuih kapit. I don't even know. I hate it even I smell it...
It's just some recollection of those "good 'ol days of my chinese new year. And being a negative attractor, you couldn't blame me for thinking those stuff first. I mean, those events always stand up than "celebrate cny by eating together, spring cleaning, playing firecrackers and etc"
And yeah, I noticed that people in Malaysia start rearing rabbit because today is rabbit year (I presume). Just to let those people know, rabbit is sensitive to its environment, and unless you have the effort of rearing rabbit instead of spamming Happy CNY in facebook, it's not a good idea. For one thing, many more rabbits will die (by human hand) in rabbit year compared to other years.
This is the habitat rabbit should belong!
And wait, I just thought of the best greeting card I can have for this year
Hi there. Happy Chinese New Year. Although you have a writing assignment due today, fluid mechanics and heat transfer homework next week, 1 quiz and 1 midterm due next week.....dang the card was not long enough. But still, HAPPY Chinese New Year
I can say that my Chinese New Year in Malaysia are more awesome than this sh*t........or wait...
===3 Years Ago===
Me : It's a good weekend, dang, why am i waking up so early, zzzz
Mom : Work! It's the OMG Chinese new Year. Get your shirt and work ready, and yeah, btw, don't wear black shirt during work
Me : Hey, I had to went back to Shah Alam after....
Mom : Ok, 5 more minutes and we gonna move..
Me : Ok... Wait me to bath...
===5 Years Ago===
Worker A: I get like total of RM200 from all the customer I served . Some customer just gone apeshit and keep giving huge amount of angpau. It's RM20 per angpau. Dang, this is awesome....
Worker B: Huh. This is something that happens often, this happens like 3 times a day during chinese New Year. hey, Ah hong, how much you get...
Me : RM2...( No wonder no one was there when things get really apeshit. You guys leave your post and leave all those shit for me to handle)
===3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11 Years and on going===
Me : Why we have to work during Chinese New Year
Mom : No money. That's why
(humming) Money don't grow on trees, I've got bills to pay, i got mouth's to feed.....(Ain't no rest for the wicked)
===4,5,6,7,8,9,10 years===
Me and friends : Happy Chinese New Year, wait, why there's no one in the house?
Friend A : Dunno, I heard he/she went relative house / overseas to celebrate Chinese New Year
===(Happen every goddamn years)===
Me : Shit, just how many homeworks left. Ow shit, fine, guess I just don't submit....
===(Happen somewhere in childhood year)===
Mom : Don't steal the kuih kapit anymore
Me : Ok (snatch another piece)
Mom : IF U WAN TO STEAL THAT MUCH, EAT THE WHOLE CAN!
Me : (keep eating)
===(Years to Come after the event)===
Me : Sorry, I don't like kuih kapit. I don't even know. I hate it even I smell it...
It's just some recollection of those "good 'ol days of my chinese new year. And being a negative attractor, you couldn't blame me for thinking those stuff first. I mean, those events always stand up than "celebrate cny by eating together, spring cleaning, playing firecrackers and etc"
And yeah, I noticed that people in Malaysia start rearing rabbit because today is rabbit year (I presume). Just to let those people know, rabbit is sensitive to its environment, and unless you have the effort of rearing rabbit instead of spamming Happy CNY in facebook, it's not a good idea. For one thing, many more rabbits will die (by human hand) in rabbit year compared to other years.
This is the habitat rabbit should belong!
Well, this flurry little thing eminates nothing but cuteness and fluffiness. Rabbit, as much as I want to rear you, I know it's better to see you running in some random green field than a cage, or ermm....can i rear a squirrel instead?
And wait, if you really need the presence of rabbit that much. I suggest there's one "rabbit" that will do the job way better than this fluffy guy.
Free ads: You want cute, sexy, wild, fluffy. We all have it. Rabbit? Sure, you can call them anything you want. Chick, honey and hey, rabbit sounds a good idea! c
Friday, January 28, 2011
Opening up the Pandora Box
Prologue
You sure you want to do this?
Yeah, it has been too long since the nightmares has come upon me. I think it's time to come clean
You sure? You could have continue doing the same thing. Just left it be and eventually it will be....
It won't. You know it did you. Sometimes only the worst thing doesn't go with time. Like some old memories. I guess, I've been roleplaying the emo-kid for long.
Why don't do it on the 22nd?
I don't really have a time for me. From yesterday's call, you should know there's not really a thing of good and bad timeing, do you?
Even though you want to do this, why bother writing on HERE. Duh, this is a public blog, FFS.
Well, I have the faith that no one is planning to read this, or even when they do, I guess hiding this thing like some hidden secret would not make a difference. And for some unknown reason, I had been trying to avoid this issue for some long, that I think I shall probably write about it instead of letting it grow, and eventually consumes me without me knowing.
Fine, make sure this is your last emo post. After that, no more
Fine, I will write something like top 6 most irritating internet comment, or sort. Oh, well, maybe some whining sometimes
Here goes. Make sure you have time to do your thermo II homework (and yea, a design before 8pm)
*Opening the box*
Background
Erm, how should I start this whole thing... Yesterday, I received a call from mom, and things are going in an as usual routine, until I realize she says:
"Your father is going to die soon".
It's not exactly a depressing news, it's like a news of " Internet sedition Act" is coming, surely it's something, but MEH. My mom plainly state it in a "matter-of-fact" , which I pretty much should have expected.
" There's one day I thought your father is going to die, and I wanna to give your a call. Unfortunately you didn't pick the call, (phew). So question, son. If your father wanted to say his last word to you, would you listen....."
MEH, i mean what! ARE YOU KIDDING ME. And the following 50 minutes is me whining of.....life and complaining until my sister say I went overboard and mom started to have teary eyes....
Well, I mean, that's the reason why this post exists, right? Contemplating... I mean, things must have gone way wrong if my mom wasn't feeling happy about my 50 minutes response. I mean, I hate my dad like how I hated a cockroach, but my mom is probably the every reason I will be in US, typing this contemplating post. So, it's my fault...but...
Wait
You'll couldn't blame me for the outrageous response. As much as I can remember, I don't have any "good memories" associated with him. Things like (breath deeply) , throwing a slipper when I was taking a nap in the shop, locking the house because he wants my mother to sign the mortgage, hitting my mom when I was a 7 years old kid, and for the next 5 years, my mom worked like crazy for the mortgage, got herself a cancer in processes, removing both me and my sis a good and loving mother, and deprive my sister of schooling just to have me studying here. Even as I faced the mirror, I saw the curly hair, a sign of my bitter childhood thanks to teasing, and the genetic link that I was his son. And even when I was angry, the anger I had reminds me of his berserker-like rage. And how do you expect...
But, mom and sis, as you have said, I am the least person to be harmed by him. Both of you, one way or another, suffered more than I do. And how could you just forget all those things when life was finally at peace. And sister, even when she talked how she could kick her father right to her coffin, had became rational, and saying things that an elder sister should say...She still remember it, but she is letting go of it
While I was still one way clinging to the vengeful past... of my own father
But
(Breath deeply), but deep inside, you know he's used to be a good father, bringing you and whole family to explore some exotic places, and sometimes if you lucky enough, he boiled you one hell thick of a milo (which explains why you love thick milo or coffee) , and sometimes when he's back, he would probably bring his dinner , and you and your sister would swarm and finnish the food before he could barely enjoy his food.
Wait, where does these good old time goes. Blame it on gambling? But he's rotten enough to put everything on his hobby...
*breath* . Still, he's your father (ugh), despite that you refused to fill a name on "father guardian" post, because it's hard to explain to teacher that my father was ...erm i dunno, run away and leave a lot of debt kinda stuff.
*He's still your father, and aside for his gambling and bad temper, he's been the main supporting pillar in you first 12 years
Still
You expect me to forget everything? That pathetic piece of humanoid skull is my father! You gotta be kidding me! I would go as far as changing my family name to Lee if I could. You heard me! He's the nightmare that I had during my secondary school, ranging from filling the form, working in weekends, a stressed up mother, and...and...If the law permits it, I would have thrown him beside the road, that he's befit too....
The problem
is no longer about him. It's you. Don't you notice how you get cynical of people, how you doubted a sincere help, how you dismiss a compliment as fake. And how much you reacted when people point right at your hair (ugh).
It's about you, those envious oblivious look when others are acting like a kid, while you looked back and despise how bad you are as a kid. You've changed, partly because of the anger you had harbored for years, from a innocent kid to a teen that simply refuses to believe on anyone.
You've lived to see through your way, but you know if you wouldn't insist in your way, there's a better detour.
It's time, to forget about it. Harboring a vengeful thought to someone that is going to die, is not going to hurt him as much as he hurts you. Nor casting it beside could help you.
There's a reason why this post exist. It's a portal for you to communicate between the you and the past and the you typing in the computer (which is psychotic, but it works)
Your words above has released the emotions and anger you have always within you, and so, just left it here. Continue your lives, and this post will remain as a stint and nooks of your life has gone through, like many other post you've posted
Epilogue
And what am I supposed to do when the call arrives
Do as if you 're paying a homage to a person that's going to die...
But I still don't want to say the word
Up to you, you've made no benefit for being foolhardy to a person that's going to die
Fine
* Closes the box *
You sure you want to do this?
Yeah, it has been too long since the nightmares has come upon me. I think it's time to come clean
You sure? You could have continue doing the same thing. Just left it be and eventually it will be....
It won't. You know it did you. Sometimes only the worst thing doesn't go with time. Like some old memories. I guess, I've been roleplaying the emo-kid for long.
Why don't do it on the 22nd?
I don't really have a time for me. From yesterday's call, you should know there's not really a thing of good and bad timeing, do you?
Even though you want to do this, why bother writing on HERE. Duh, this is a public blog, FFS.
Well, I have the faith that no one is planning to read this, or even when they do, I guess hiding this thing like some hidden secret would not make a difference. And for some unknown reason, I had been trying to avoid this issue for some long, that I think I shall probably write about it instead of letting it grow, and eventually consumes me without me knowing.
Fine, make sure this is your last emo post. After that, no more
Fine, I will write something like top 6 most irritating internet comment, or sort. Oh, well, maybe some whining sometimes
Here goes. Make sure you have time to do your thermo II homework (and yea, a design before 8pm)
*Opening the box*
Background
Erm, how should I start this whole thing... Yesterday, I received a call from mom, and things are going in an as usual routine, until I realize she says:
"Your father is going to die soon".
It's not exactly a depressing news, it's like a news of " Internet sedition Act" is coming, surely it's something, but MEH. My mom plainly state it in a "matter-of-fact" , which I pretty much should have expected.
" There's one day I thought your father is going to die, and I wanna to give your a call. Unfortunately you didn't pick the call, (phew). So question, son. If your father wanted to say his last word to you, would you listen....."
MEH, i mean what! ARE YOU KIDDING ME. And the following 50 minutes is me whining of.....life and complaining until my sister say I went overboard and mom started to have teary eyes....
Well, I mean, that's the reason why this post exists, right? Contemplating... I mean, things must have gone way wrong if my mom wasn't feeling happy about my 50 minutes response. I mean, I hate my dad like how I hated a cockroach, but my mom is probably the every reason I will be in US, typing this contemplating post. So, it's my fault...but...
Wait
You'll couldn't blame me for the outrageous response. As much as I can remember, I don't have any "good memories" associated with him. Things like (breath deeply) , throwing a slipper when I was taking a nap in the shop, locking the house because he wants my mother to sign the mortgage, hitting my mom when I was a 7 years old kid, and for the next 5 years, my mom worked like crazy for the mortgage, got herself a cancer in processes, removing both me and my sis a good and loving mother, and deprive my sister of schooling just to have me studying here. Even as I faced the mirror, I saw the curly hair, a sign of my bitter childhood thanks to teasing, and the genetic link that I was his son. And even when I was angry, the anger I had reminds me of his berserker-like rage. And how do you expect...
But, mom and sis, as you have said, I am the least person to be harmed by him. Both of you, one way or another, suffered more than I do. And how could you just forget all those things when life was finally at peace. And sister, even when she talked how she could kick her father right to her coffin, had became rational, and saying things that an elder sister should say...She still remember it, but she is letting go of it
While I was still one way clinging to the vengeful past... of my own father
But
(Breath deeply), but deep inside, you know he's used to be a good father, bringing you and whole family to explore some exotic places, and sometimes if you lucky enough, he boiled you one hell thick of a milo (which explains why you love thick milo or coffee) , and sometimes when he's back, he would probably bring his dinner , and you and your sister would swarm and finnish the food before he could barely enjoy his food.
Wait, where does these good old time goes. Blame it on gambling? But he's rotten enough to put everything on his hobby...
*breath* . Still, he's your father (ugh), despite that you refused to fill a name on "father guardian" post, because it's hard to explain to teacher that my father was ...erm i dunno, run away and leave a lot of debt kinda stuff.
*He's still your father, and aside for his gambling and bad temper, he's been the main supporting pillar in you first 12 years
Still
You expect me to forget everything? That pathetic piece of humanoid skull is my father! You gotta be kidding me! I would go as far as changing my family name to Lee if I could. You heard me! He's the nightmare that I had during my secondary school, ranging from filling the form, working in weekends, a stressed up mother, and...and...If the law permits it, I would have thrown him beside the road, that he's befit too....
The problem
is no longer about him. It's you. Don't you notice how you get cynical of people, how you doubted a sincere help, how you dismiss a compliment as fake. And how much you reacted when people point right at your hair (ugh).
It's about you, those envious oblivious look when others are acting like a kid, while you looked back and despise how bad you are as a kid. You've changed, partly because of the anger you had harbored for years, from a innocent kid to a teen that simply refuses to believe on anyone.
You've lived to see through your way, but you know if you wouldn't insist in your way, there's a better detour.
It's time, to forget about it. Harboring a vengeful thought to someone that is going to die, is not going to hurt him as much as he hurts you. Nor casting it beside could help you.
There's a reason why this post exist. It's a portal for you to communicate between the you and the past and the you typing in the computer (which is psychotic, but it works)
Your words above has released the emotions and anger you have always within you, and so, just left it here. Continue your lives, and this post will remain as a stint and nooks of your life has gone through, like many other post you've posted
Epilogue
And what am I supposed to do when the call arrives
Do as if you 're paying a homage to a person that's going to die...
But I still don't want to say the word
Up to you, you've made no benefit for being foolhardy to a person that's going to die
Fine
* Closes the box *
Thursday, January 27, 2011
What is me,
If I should forget those memories since I was young
What would I be
If I should forget the anguish I had tolerated
What would I be
If forgiveness instead of hatred is the choice
In the crossroad between old hatred and forgiveness
What would I be?
--------------------------------------------------Yami
If I should forget those memories since I was young
What would I be
If I should forget the anguish I had tolerated
What would I be
If forgiveness instead of hatred is the choice
In the crossroad between old hatred and forgiveness
What would I be?
--------------------------------------------------Yami
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Some Friday Night Story
It was one random Friday night, when pubs got full, party got crazy, beers get overflowing and crowds get high, leaving a unknown void in the student campus, leaving an unthinkable silence and chill.
Oh maybe it's not a void , not empty at all, a silhouette was seen somewhere on the lamp. Or was it just an illusion of the night.
The silhouette rises her head, so, it was a human after all, squealing herself in the midst of these dark void. She rises her head, look, and put her head down again. It was a transition of hope to despair, a chance went to bubble, all shown when she rises her head and went down again, a seeming meaningless action itself.
What was the girl doing on the night, a night of absolute void, a night of absolute zero, squealing herself like a statue on campus?
A brief sound of sob is heard, and then it's heard no more
As the view shifted further and further away, thousands of questions were in mind, but in the end, there's only a silhouette in the campus bicycle parking spot, on a random Friday night.
Oh maybe it's not a void , not empty at all, a silhouette was seen somewhere on the lamp. Or was it just an illusion of the night.
The silhouette rises her head, so, it was a human after all, squealing herself in the midst of these dark void. She rises her head, look, and put her head down again. It was a transition of hope to despair, a chance went to bubble, all shown when she rises her head and went down again, a seeming meaningless action itself.
What was the girl doing on the night, a night of absolute void, a night of absolute zero, squealing herself like a statue on campus?
A brief sound of sob is heard, and then it's heard no more
As the view shifted further and further away, thousands of questions were in mind, but in the end, there's only a silhouette in the campus bicycle parking spot, on a random Friday night.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
11/1/2010
I don't even know what to type for the title, because I think I had used all possible title for an emotional post.
But, shrug, I am unhappy today, and I think I need to vent out ( with the proper way ), before I can calm down and get back to my study, and I think facebook was just not the right place to do it. Every 10 - 11 post, there will be at least one post related to complaint. Me thinks that I shouldn't burden another 209 facebook users with my complain post, so I decide not to whine anymore in facebook.
I still remember people saying, whining in facebook is utter fail, and I first, agreed with it. Although lately, I had given a thought of it, why people like to at least, utter one or two complains in facebook, and I think, I had the answer.
It's very very very hard for a person to swallow a day of discontent without telling anyone, especially after you have a day of bad luck, the first thing you will do is probably shooting some of your discontent in fb ( this sounds like me ), hoping there's someone that will tell you to calm down, showing some concerns through the comments, and etc.
To be short, we are attention whores, especially when we are hurt, we would like to have someone consoling us. However, noticing the word that I use (whore), you could say that I don't like the fact that I had to whine somewhere when I had problems. There's one particular example which I remember, when I had extreme food poisoning in a long trip, having my spectacle flying away from me in process. And well, I posted a post on how my spectacle lost in an accident, and the result...well, many notification, but not good ones...
People are laughing at my own clumsiness because on how I saw my own spectacles flew away, and there's no "consolation word" that I'll hoped to have. And seriously, that particular experiences probably pack more punches that losing the spectacle itself.
And few days later, I accidentally read about an article, and it gave me a real big smack. A simple wikipedia link
Self-pity or "feeling sorry for oneself" is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence.
And the moment I read this 3 lines of word, I am so ashamed for myself for realizing that all these years, I had been a "self-pitying person". I had no idea what I had changed into me, but I think the day after that, I seldom post emotional stuff in my facebook. As though I am unhappy, the very notion of deserving condolence is a direct punch on my pride, which I don't think I can do it.
And school started, I got enveloped in work again, and given the fact I had multiple workload, I think my chance of getting emotional will eventually multiplied as well, however, there's one sentence that saved my day.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to dance, it's dancing in the rain. It was a nice sweet quote hanging out in a church nearby my house, and this innocent looking enough sentence, saved my life, and when I had an impulse to complain and wait for comments, I asked myself to smile and continue working in it. The very notion of dancing in the rain is cool, and it's something I've been looking forward one day.
And yet, times goes by, the quote is replaced, and workload however, remained the same ( in fact, multipled because of my active enrollment in certain project ). And I started to feel bad about myself again, and bad, depressing thoughts crossed my mind, and the quote that I once adored, disappeared, although I desperately tried to recall it....
And so, my life goes on a wave of content and discontent, happy and unhappy times revolved and I had no control on my emotions and feelings.
Until few days ago, I read someone else blog, and then I noticed it was a lament about no friends to listen to, craving for love and support, and those feelings were those emotions that I had been experiencing , that I had been trying to repress, and thus, I commented about it.
But one thing I noticed though, she was a very social girl, and no doubt, she should have a lot of good friends that will listen to her, hence, why the whine? This question has been doubting me quite some time, and I thought, maybe a reminder of her asking for her friend help is a good thing.
And the reply somehow, left me confounded " because I am scared of losing reliance ".
This is an answer that reminded me, of the very notion why I am isolating myself, and I feel like talking with her, but then again, the inferiority complex had gained a triumph over me, and tell me not to do that.
And so, I think, the best thing I might be able to do, is to give her a quote that I used to like..."the dancing rain quote, and after some google search, I managed to find the whole quote back, and shamelessly copy and paste into her comment.
I don't know whether she reads my blog or not, but if she does, and feel like needing an ear, she can always shoot me a message en email, not because of pity or etc, but simply because her blog is a good spot to procrastinate, and get back my hope pumped up in study, and it's certainly a waste to have those inspirational post disappeared
and talk about today, i was so sad that...
Huh? I feel much better now.
And now I noticed what this blog for.
By typing every single word in this post, I was directly conversing to myself, and as my mind sort to figure things out when I vented out my feeling, my mind just feel better.
Or maybe because the lengthy post and thinking process made me stop thinking how unlucky I am, or maybe it's because I sorted things up as I typed all these lengthy stuff....
Funny, maybe it is the right method of blogging, a way of venting out and sorting things out in process. two in a time
and shrug, laplace transformation
But, shrug, I am unhappy today, and I think I need to vent out ( with the proper way ), before I can calm down and get back to my study, and I think facebook was just not the right place to do it. Every 10 - 11 post, there will be at least one post related to complaint. Me thinks that I shouldn't burden another 209 facebook users with my complain post, so I decide not to whine anymore in facebook.
I still remember people saying, whining in facebook is utter fail, and I first, agreed with it. Although lately, I had given a thought of it, why people like to at least, utter one or two complains in facebook, and I think, I had the answer.
It's very very very hard for a person to swallow a day of discontent without telling anyone, especially after you have a day of bad luck, the first thing you will do is probably shooting some of your discontent in fb ( this sounds like me ), hoping there's someone that will tell you to calm down, showing some concerns through the comments, and etc.
To be short, we are attention whores, especially when we are hurt, we would like to have someone consoling us. However, noticing the word that I use (whore), you could say that I don't like the fact that I had to whine somewhere when I had problems. There's one particular example which I remember, when I had extreme food poisoning in a long trip, having my spectacle flying away from me in process. And well, I posted a post on how my spectacle lost in an accident, and the result...well, many notification, but not good ones...
People are laughing at my own clumsiness because on how I saw my own spectacles flew away, and there's no "consolation word" that I'll hoped to have. And seriously, that particular experiences probably pack more punches that losing the spectacle itself.
And few days later, I accidentally read about an article, and it gave me a real big smack. A simple wikipedia link
Self-pity or "feeling sorry for oneself" is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence.
And the moment I read this 3 lines of word, I am so ashamed for myself for realizing that all these years, I had been a "self-pitying person". I had no idea what I had changed into me, but I think the day after that, I seldom post emotional stuff in my facebook. As though I am unhappy, the very notion of deserving condolence is a direct punch on my pride, which I don't think I can do it.
And school started, I got enveloped in work again, and given the fact I had multiple workload, I think my chance of getting emotional will eventually multiplied as well, however, there's one sentence that saved my day.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to dance, it's dancing in the rain. It was a nice sweet quote hanging out in a church nearby my house, and this innocent looking enough sentence, saved my life, and when I had an impulse to complain and wait for comments, I asked myself to smile and continue working in it. The very notion of dancing in the rain is cool, and it's something I've been looking forward one day.
And yet, times goes by, the quote is replaced, and workload however, remained the same ( in fact, multipled because of my active enrollment in certain project ). And I started to feel bad about myself again, and bad, depressing thoughts crossed my mind, and the quote that I once adored, disappeared, although I desperately tried to recall it....
And so, my life goes on a wave of content and discontent, happy and unhappy times revolved and I had no control on my emotions and feelings.
Until few days ago, I read someone else blog, and then I noticed it was a lament about no friends to listen to, craving for love and support, and those feelings were those emotions that I had been experiencing , that I had been trying to repress, and thus, I commented about it.
But one thing I noticed though, she was a very social girl, and no doubt, she should have a lot of good friends that will listen to her, hence, why the whine? This question has been doubting me quite some time, and I thought, maybe a reminder of her asking for her friend help is a good thing.
And the reply somehow, left me confounded " because I am scared of losing reliance ".
This is an answer that reminded me, of the very notion why I am isolating myself, and I feel like talking with her, but then again, the inferiority complex had gained a triumph over me, and tell me not to do that.
And so, I think, the best thing I might be able to do, is to give her a quote that I used to like..."the dancing rain quote, and after some google search, I managed to find the whole quote back, and shamelessly copy and paste into her comment.
I don't know whether she reads my blog or not, but if she does, and feel like needing an ear, she can always shoot me a message en email, not because of pity or etc, but simply because her blog is a good spot to procrastinate, and get back my hope pumped up in study, and it's certainly a waste to have those inspirational post disappeared
and talk about today, i was so sad that...
Huh? I feel much better now.
And now I noticed what this blog for.
By typing every single word in this post, I was directly conversing to myself, and as my mind sort to figure things out when I vented out my feeling, my mind just feel better.
Or maybe because the lengthy post and thinking process made me stop thinking how unlucky I am, or maybe it's because I sorted things up as I typed all these lengthy stuff....
Funny, maybe it is the right method of blogging, a way of venting out and sorting things out in process. two in a time
and shrug, laplace transformation
Monday, October 25, 2010
An unexpected scare
It was 11pm in the night, I was having some "business" in my toilet, toying with my cellphone while I was stuck in toilet.
The cellphone blared, interrupting my cell phone games, and I know, it's my sister again. It actually sent a chill down my spine, as my sister wasn't exactly a silent type person. And I certainly don't enjoy my sister asking me whether I am single or not. Even though I tried to hint her that I am busy, she doesn't seem to get it ( or rather ignore it), and proceeded with her 30 minutes talk...
Well, guess I'll answer the phone, I hesitated a moment and click the receive button.
What I don't expect though, is the following sentences from her...
" Mother has been in hospital " .
Huh?
You can't be kidding me!
Wait, this must be a mistake, I convinced myself to calm down, and ask my sister again, and she came with the same dreaded sentence again...
What? Is all I can say.
And the dreadful transmission started to take a toll on my phone, as my sister tried to utter some sentences I can't hear clear enough, and after few minutes, when things finally cool down, I barely understand the situation.
"Mom was taking a walk with the dog, when she saw an untied Rottweiler , she got scared and get panicked, and fall down because of that..."
Believe me, I actually breathed a sigh of relief. And I asked my sister about my mother's condition, she just replied " a not so serious eye damaged, and some bruise here and there.
And I finally able to relax, when my mother answered the phone, and said that she only suffered some minimal skin damage. And she proceeded on how my aunt able to convince ( or force, to be exact ) the dog owner to pay the bill... and she do it in her "own way", my mom said
PHEEEWWW...............
Perhaps it's a very weird response from me, but my experiences with hospital wasn't exactly a good one. When I was form 3, my mother got admitted into hospital, and get diagnosed with cancer...and I knew it because my aunt talked me through the phone.
And in these past 1 - 2 years and so, I had 1-2 experiences getting an innocent looking phone-call, but turned out to be my mom get admitted to hospital for some another unknown diseases again...I had no idea...no idea...when after 4-5 years of peaceful times, I would get another cellphone call, telling me that my mother is in hospital again...
And of course, I am very relieved when it was just some injury, which is minor compared to some unknown diseases that got my mom lying in the white bed for days......
I thought about all those tough times my mother had faced, and how she managed to overcome it, while successfully bringing her son to study in the university, I can't help but to think my emotional problems are very much petty compared to hers. For a second, I am ashamed...for me making a storm out of teacup because of some emotional problems I had faced during these years
And I think I got another reason to study, shrug, I guess.
Mom, please be ok.
Jin Khang
The cellphone blared, interrupting my cell phone games, and I know, it's my sister again. It actually sent a chill down my spine, as my sister wasn't exactly a silent type person. And I certainly don't enjoy my sister asking me whether I am single or not. Even though I tried to hint her that I am busy, she doesn't seem to get it ( or rather ignore it), and proceeded with her 30 minutes talk...
Well, guess I'll answer the phone, I hesitated a moment and click the receive button.
What I don't expect though, is the following sentences from her...
" Mother has been in hospital " .
Huh?
You can't be kidding me!
Wait, this must be a mistake, I convinced myself to calm down, and ask my sister again, and she came with the same dreaded sentence again...
What? Is all I can say.
And the dreadful transmission started to take a toll on my phone, as my sister tried to utter some sentences I can't hear clear enough, and after few minutes, when things finally cool down, I barely understand the situation.
"Mom was taking a walk with the dog, when she saw an untied Rottweiler , she got scared and get panicked, and fall down because of that..."
Believe me, I actually breathed a sigh of relief. And I asked my sister about my mother's condition, she just replied " a not so serious eye damaged, and some bruise here and there.
And I finally able to relax, when my mother answered the phone, and said that she only suffered some minimal skin damage. And she proceeded on how my aunt able to convince ( or force, to be exact ) the dog owner to pay the bill... and she do it in her "own way", my mom said
PHEEEWWW...............
Perhaps it's a very weird response from me, but my experiences with hospital wasn't exactly a good one. When I was form 3, my mother got admitted into hospital, and get diagnosed with cancer...and I knew it because my aunt talked me through the phone.
And in these past 1 - 2 years and so, I had 1-2 experiences getting an innocent looking phone-call, but turned out to be my mom get admitted to hospital for some another unknown diseases again...I had no idea...no idea...when after 4-5 years of peaceful times, I would get another cellphone call, telling me that my mother is in hospital again...
And of course, I am very relieved when it was just some injury, which is minor compared to some unknown diseases that got my mom lying in the white bed for days......
I thought about all those tough times my mother had faced, and how she managed to overcome it, while successfully bringing her son to study in the university, I can't help but to think my emotional problems are very much petty compared to hers. For a second, I am ashamed...for me making a storm out of teacup because of some emotional problems I had faced during these years
And I think I got another reason to study, shrug, I guess.
Mom, please be ok.
Jin Khang
Friday, October 22, 2010
A small hi
I decide to continue, despite the bitter feeling that has been around me for quite some time.
Time to say Hi to those busy days. And find back the me that can still smile when work is piling up.
Yep, a broken feet and some ( not some, a lot, but anyway ) chattering won't stop me from finishing my stuff on time.
Hello, midnight, as welcoming as ever
Edward
Time to say Hi to those busy days. And find back the me that can still smile when work is piling up.
Yep, a broken feet and some ( not some, a lot, but anyway ) chattering won't stop me from finishing my stuff on time.
Hello, midnight, as welcoming as ever
Edward
Saturday, October 16, 2010
For the first time
I don't know how is laughing behind me.
I don't know how to believe
I don't know who's friend and who's not
I don't know whether I'm bothered or not.
But for the first time,
I know I actually cared about my image
A tarnished one, a condemned one
For years people either think I am a nuisance
or I am a fool
And for years I accepted people looking me
as a lool
But for the first time
I don't
And I shall get a new change today
And I shall shut down my heart
And I shall shut down my faith
For the sake of an already fragile image
A castle of thorns
Is better than a thorough despised lair
A castle of thorns
Is better than a thorough despised lair
And from now on
People shall looks the castle and not the room
But just for tonight
People shall looks the castle and not the room
But just for tonight
I don't understand who I can turn to when there's trouble
And yet for tonight
I truly understand how alone I am really be
And after tonight
I will never understand what dependent is.
And after tonight
I will never understand what dependent is.
And perhaps night to come
I will savor the bitter fruit of maturity
The fruit of pretentious and hypocrisy
I will savor the bitter fruit of maturity
The fruit of pretentious and hypocrisy
Edward
Code to bind to
正康
察言观色，见风使舵，与人周旋，八面玲珑，见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话。
我做不到。 这几十年来， 我做不到。
我自己认为的友善，是人眼中的傻瓜。
没关系，房友没说错。我是时候改变了。从今天开始，我会板起我的脸，脸中，一就是认真，一，就是奉承，一就，就是客套起来。
在美国，客套这一套，我变得很了得。 但是，从今天起，那些要我和他客套的人，将不会是我的朋友，只能是熟人，和路人没差别。我会学会板起脸孔， 也不会再讲一句和自己有关的东西，也不会再往自己头上踩。
我的好房友，我在讥笑你，无非是要你知道，你的态度，会弄你兜不完，你却说我是个傻瓜，也仅为这样我才知道那些我和他友善的人，都是他们眼中的傻瓜。
察言观色，见风使舵，与人周旋，八面玲珑，见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话。
我做不到。 这几十年来， 我做不到。
我自己认为的友善，是人眼中的傻瓜。
没关系，房友没说错。我是时候改变了。从今天开始，我会板起我的脸，脸中，一就是认真，一，就是奉承，一就，就是客套起来。
在美国，客套这一套，我变得很了得。 但是，从今天起，那些要我和他客套的人，将不会是我的朋友，只能是熟人，和路人没差别。我会学会板起脸孔， 也不会再讲一句和自己有关的东西，也不会再往自己头上踩。
我的好房友，我在讥笑你，无非是要你知道，你的态度，会弄你兜不完，你却说我是个傻瓜，也仅为这样我才知道那些我和他友善的人，都是他们眼中的傻瓜。
说真的，我真的很天真，以为和你们闹着，就代表我们友情不错。 原来，我只是一个傻瓜。除了一些好朋友之外， 我想要和你们说。你要我客气，我可没问题。你叫我JK，我会叫你给我个正统的叫法，否则我会不理你。
说我认命，我认命了。我情愿虚伪起来，也不要做个小丑。 从今已后，你在大众将死，会由我来代替。
但我希望，这个世界，会有一些人会不管理节的和你友好。但只要一天，他还是会像我一样，所以从今起，我不会在后面酸人
爱德华
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