I don't even know what to type for the title, because I think I had used all possible title for an emotional post.
But, shrug, I am unhappy today, and I think I need to vent out ( with the proper way ), before I can calm down and get back to my study, and I think facebook was just not the right place to do it. Every 10 - 11 post, there will be at least one post related to complaint. Me thinks that I shouldn't burden another 209 facebook users with my complain post, so I decide not to whine anymore in facebook.
I still remember people saying, whining in facebook is utter fail, and I first, agreed with it. Although lately, I had given a thought of it, why people like to at least, utter one or two complains in facebook, and I think, I had the answer.
It's very very very hard for a person to swallow a day of discontent without telling anyone, especially after you have a day of bad luck, the first thing you will do is probably shooting some of your discontent in fb ( this sounds like me ), hoping there's someone that will tell you to calm down, showing some concerns through the comments, and etc.
To be short, we are attention whores, especially when we are hurt, we would like to have someone consoling us. However, noticing the word that I use (whore), you could say that I don't like the fact that I had to whine somewhere when I had problems. There's one particular example which I remember, when I had extreme food poisoning in a long trip, having my spectacle flying away from me in process. And well, I posted a post on how my spectacle lost in an accident, and the result...well, many notification, but not good ones...
People are laughing at my own clumsiness because on how I saw my own spectacles flew away, and there's no "consolation word" that I'll hoped to have. And seriously, that particular experiences probably pack more punches that losing the spectacle itself.
And few days later, I accidentally read about an article, and it gave me a real big smack. A simple wikipedia link
Self-pity or "feeling sorry for oneself" is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence.
And the moment I read this 3 lines of word, I am so ashamed for myself for realizing that all these years, I had been a "self-pitying person". I had no idea what I had changed into me, but I think the day after that, I seldom post emotional stuff in my facebook. As though I am unhappy, the very notion of deserving condolence is a direct punch on my pride, which I don't think I can do it.
And school started, I got enveloped in work again, and given the fact I had multiple workload, I think my chance of getting emotional will eventually multiplied as well, however, there's one sentence that saved my day.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to dance, it's dancing in the rain. It was a nice sweet quote hanging out in a church nearby my house, and this innocent looking enough sentence, saved my life, and when I had an impulse to complain and wait for comments, I asked myself to smile and continue working in it. The very notion of dancing in the rain is cool, and it's something I've been looking forward one day.
And yet, times goes by, the quote is replaced, and workload however, remained the same ( in fact, multipled because of my active enrollment in certain project ). And I started to feel bad about myself again, and bad, depressing thoughts crossed my mind, and the quote that I once adored, disappeared, although I desperately tried to recall it....
And so, my life goes on a wave of content and discontent, happy and unhappy times revolved and I had no control on my emotions and feelings.
Until few days ago, I read someone else blog, and then I noticed it was a lament about no friends to listen to, craving for love and support, and those feelings were those emotions that I had been experiencing , that I had been trying to repress, and thus, I commented about it.
But one thing I noticed though, she was a very social girl, and no doubt, she should have a lot of good friends that will listen to her, hence, why the whine? This question has been doubting me quite some time, and I thought, maybe a reminder of her asking for her friend help is a good thing.
And the reply somehow, left me confounded " because I am scared of losing reliance ".
This is an answer that reminded me, of the very notion why I am isolating myself, and I feel like talking with her, but then again, the inferiority complex had gained a triumph over me, and tell me not to do that.
And so, I think, the best thing I might be able to do, is to give her a quote that I used to like..."the dancing rain quote, and after some google search, I managed to find the whole quote back, and shamelessly copy and paste into her comment.
I don't know whether she reads my blog or not, but if she does, and feel like needing an ear, she can always shoot me a message en email, not because of pity or etc, but simply because her blog is a good spot to procrastinate, and get back my hope pumped up in study, and it's certainly a waste to have those inspirational post disappeared
and talk about today, i was so sad that...
Huh? I feel much better now.
And now I noticed what this blog for.
By typing every single word in this post, I was directly conversing to myself, and as my mind sort to figure things out when I vented out my feeling, my mind just feel better.
Or maybe because the lengthy post and thinking process made me stop thinking how unlucky I am, or maybe it's because I sorted things up as I typed all these lengthy stuff....
Funny, maybe it is the right method of blogging, a way of venting out and sorting things out in process. two in a time
and shrug, laplace transformation
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