Die lo, piano recital, die lo...die lo
T_T
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL_09u0toj4
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Some Friday Night Story
It was one random Friday night, when pubs got full, party got crazy, beers get overflowing and crowds get high, leaving a unknown void in the student campus, leaving an unthinkable silence and chill.
Oh maybe it's not a void , not empty at all, a silhouette was seen somewhere on the lamp. Or was it just an illusion of the night.
The silhouette rises her head, so, it was a human after all, squealing herself in the midst of these dark void. She rises her head, look, and put her head down again. It was a transition of hope to despair, a chance went to bubble, all shown when she rises her head and went down again, a seeming meaningless action itself.
What was the girl doing on the night, a night of absolute void, a night of absolute zero, squealing herself like a statue on campus?
A brief sound of sob is heard, and then it's heard no more
As the view shifted further and further away, thousands of questions were in mind, but in the end, there's only a silhouette in the campus bicycle parking spot, on a random Friday night.
Oh maybe it's not a void , not empty at all, a silhouette was seen somewhere on the lamp. Or was it just an illusion of the night.
The silhouette rises her head, so, it was a human after all, squealing herself in the midst of these dark void. She rises her head, look, and put her head down again. It was a transition of hope to despair, a chance went to bubble, all shown when she rises her head and went down again, a seeming meaningless action itself.
What was the girl doing on the night, a night of absolute void, a night of absolute zero, squealing herself like a statue on campus?
A brief sound of sob is heard, and then it's heard no more
As the view shifted further and further away, thousands of questions were in mind, but in the end, there's only a silhouette in the campus bicycle parking spot, on a random Friday night.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
11/1/2010
I don't even know what to type for the title, because I think I had used all possible title for an emotional post.
But, shrug, I am unhappy today, and I think I need to vent out ( with the proper way ), before I can calm down and get back to my study, and I think facebook was just not the right place to do it. Every 10 - 11 post, there will be at least one post related to complaint. Me thinks that I shouldn't burden another 209 facebook users with my complain post, so I decide not to whine anymore in facebook.
I still remember people saying, whining in facebook is utter fail, and I first, agreed with it. Although lately, I had given a thought of it, why people like to at least, utter one or two complains in facebook, and I think, I had the answer.
It's very very very hard for a person to swallow a day of discontent without telling anyone, especially after you have a day of bad luck, the first thing you will do is probably shooting some of your discontent in fb ( this sounds like me ), hoping there's someone that will tell you to calm down, showing some concerns through the comments, and etc.
To be short, we are attention whores, especially when we are hurt, we would like to have someone consoling us. However, noticing the word that I use (whore), you could say that I don't like the fact that I had to whine somewhere when I had problems. There's one particular example which I remember, when I had extreme food poisoning in a long trip, having my spectacle flying away from me in process. And well, I posted a post on how my spectacle lost in an accident, and the result...well, many notification, but not good ones...
People are laughing at my own clumsiness because on how I saw my own spectacles flew away, and there's no "consolation word" that I'll hoped to have. And seriously, that particular experiences probably pack more punches that losing the spectacle itself.
And few days later, I accidentally read about an article, and it gave me a real big smack. A simple wikipedia link
Self-pity or "feeling sorry for oneself" is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence.
And the moment I read this 3 lines of word, I am so ashamed for myself for realizing that all these years, I had been a "self-pitying person". I had no idea what I had changed into me, but I think the day after that, I seldom post emotional stuff in my facebook. As though I am unhappy, the very notion of deserving condolence is a direct punch on my pride, which I don't think I can do it.
And school started, I got enveloped in work again, and given the fact I had multiple workload, I think my chance of getting emotional will eventually multiplied as well, however, there's one sentence that saved my day.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to dance, it's dancing in the rain. It was a nice sweet quote hanging out in a church nearby my house, and this innocent looking enough sentence, saved my life, and when I had an impulse to complain and wait for comments, I asked myself to smile and continue working in it. The very notion of dancing in the rain is cool, and it's something I've been looking forward one day.
And yet, times goes by, the quote is replaced, and workload however, remained the same ( in fact, multipled because of my active enrollment in certain project ). And I started to feel bad about myself again, and bad, depressing thoughts crossed my mind, and the quote that I once adored, disappeared, although I desperately tried to recall it....
And so, my life goes on a wave of content and discontent, happy and unhappy times revolved and I had no control on my emotions and feelings.
Until few days ago, I read someone else blog, and then I noticed it was a lament about no friends to listen to, craving for love and support, and those feelings were those emotions that I had been experiencing , that I had been trying to repress, and thus, I commented about it.
But one thing I noticed though, she was a very social girl, and no doubt, she should have a lot of good friends that will listen to her, hence, why the whine? This question has been doubting me quite some time, and I thought, maybe a reminder of her asking for her friend help is a good thing.
And the reply somehow, left me confounded " because I am scared of losing reliance ".
This is an answer that reminded me, of the very notion why I am isolating myself, and I feel like talking with her, but then again, the inferiority complex had gained a triumph over me, and tell me not to do that.
And so, I think, the best thing I might be able to do, is to give her a quote that I used to like..."the dancing rain quote, and after some google search, I managed to find the whole quote back, and shamelessly copy and paste into her comment.
I don't know whether she reads my blog or not, but if she does, and feel like needing an ear, she can always shoot me a message en email, not because of pity or etc, but simply because her blog is a good spot to procrastinate, and get back my hope pumped up in study, and it's certainly a waste to have those inspirational post disappeared
and talk about today, i was so sad that...
Huh? I feel much better now.
And now I noticed what this blog for.
By typing every single word in this post, I was directly conversing to myself, and as my mind sort to figure things out when I vented out my feeling, my mind just feel better.
Or maybe because the lengthy post and thinking process made me stop thinking how unlucky I am, or maybe it's because I sorted things up as I typed all these lengthy stuff....
Funny, maybe it is the right method of blogging, a way of venting out and sorting things out in process. two in a time
and shrug, laplace transformation
But, shrug, I am unhappy today, and I think I need to vent out ( with the proper way ), before I can calm down and get back to my study, and I think facebook was just not the right place to do it. Every 10 - 11 post, there will be at least one post related to complaint. Me thinks that I shouldn't burden another 209 facebook users with my complain post, so I decide not to whine anymore in facebook.
I still remember people saying, whining in facebook is utter fail, and I first, agreed with it. Although lately, I had given a thought of it, why people like to at least, utter one or two complains in facebook, and I think, I had the answer.
It's very very very hard for a person to swallow a day of discontent without telling anyone, especially after you have a day of bad luck, the first thing you will do is probably shooting some of your discontent in fb ( this sounds like me ), hoping there's someone that will tell you to calm down, showing some concerns through the comments, and etc.
To be short, we are attention whores, especially when we are hurt, we would like to have someone consoling us. However, noticing the word that I use (whore), you could say that I don't like the fact that I had to whine somewhere when I had problems. There's one particular example which I remember, when I had extreme food poisoning in a long trip, having my spectacle flying away from me in process. And well, I posted a post on how my spectacle lost in an accident, and the result...well, many notification, but not good ones...
People are laughing at my own clumsiness because on how I saw my own spectacles flew away, and there's no "consolation word" that I'll hoped to have. And seriously, that particular experiences probably pack more punches that losing the spectacle itself.
And few days later, I accidentally read about an article, and it gave me a real big smack. A simple wikipedia link
Self-pity or "feeling sorry for oneself" is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence.
And the moment I read this 3 lines of word, I am so ashamed for myself for realizing that all these years, I had been a "self-pitying person". I had no idea what I had changed into me, but I think the day after that, I seldom post emotional stuff in my facebook. As though I am unhappy, the very notion of deserving condolence is a direct punch on my pride, which I don't think I can do it.
And school started, I got enveloped in work again, and given the fact I had multiple workload, I think my chance of getting emotional will eventually multiplied as well, however, there's one sentence that saved my day.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to dance, it's dancing in the rain. It was a nice sweet quote hanging out in a church nearby my house, and this innocent looking enough sentence, saved my life, and when I had an impulse to complain and wait for comments, I asked myself to smile and continue working in it. The very notion of dancing in the rain is cool, and it's something I've been looking forward one day.
And yet, times goes by, the quote is replaced, and workload however, remained the same ( in fact, multipled because of my active enrollment in certain project ). And I started to feel bad about myself again, and bad, depressing thoughts crossed my mind, and the quote that I once adored, disappeared, although I desperately tried to recall it....
And so, my life goes on a wave of content and discontent, happy and unhappy times revolved and I had no control on my emotions and feelings.
Until few days ago, I read someone else blog, and then I noticed it was a lament about no friends to listen to, craving for love and support, and those feelings were those emotions that I had been experiencing , that I had been trying to repress, and thus, I commented about it.
But one thing I noticed though, she was a very social girl, and no doubt, she should have a lot of good friends that will listen to her, hence, why the whine? This question has been doubting me quite some time, and I thought, maybe a reminder of her asking for her friend help is a good thing.
And the reply somehow, left me confounded " because I am scared of losing reliance ".
This is an answer that reminded me, of the very notion why I am isolating myself, and I feel like talking with her, but then again, the inferiority complex had gained a triumph over me, and tell me not to do that.
And so, I think, the best thing I might be able to do, is to give her a quote that I used to like..."the dancing rain quote, and after some google search, I managed to find the whole quote back, and shamelessly copy and paste into her comment.
I don't know whether she reads my blog or not, but if she does, and feel like needing an ear, she can always shoot me a message en email, not because of pity or etc, but simply because her blog is a good spot to procrastinate, and get back my hope pumped up in study, and it's certainly a waste to have those inspirational post disappeared
and talk about today, i was so sad that...
Huh? I feel much better now.
And now I noticed what this blog for.
By typing every single word in this post, I was directly conversing to myself, and as my mind sort to figure things out when I vented out my feeling, my mind just feel better.
Or maybe because the lengthy post and thinking process made me stop thinking how unlucky I am, or maybe it's because I sorted things up as I typed all these lengthy stuff....
Funny, maybe it is the right method of blogging, a way of venting out and sorting things out in process. two in a time
and shrug, laplace transformation
Monday, October 25, 2010
An unexpected scare
It was 11pm in the night, I was having some "business" in my toilet, toying with my cellphone while I was stuck in toilet.
The cellphone blared, interrupting my cell phone games, and I know, it's my sister again. It actually sent a chill down my spine, as my sister wasn't exactly a silent type person. And I certainly don't enjoy my sister asking me whether I am single or not. Even though I tried to hint her that I am busy, she doesn't seem to get it ( or rather ignore it), and proceeded with her 30 minutes talk...
Well, guess I'll answer the phone, I hesitated a moment and click the receive button.
What I don't expect though, is the following sentences from her...
" Mother has been in hospital " .
Huh?
You can't be kidding me!
Wait, this must be a mistake, I convinced myself to calm down, and ask my sister again, and she came with the same dreaded sentence again...
What? Is all I can say.
And the dreadful transmission started to take a toll on my phone, as my sister tried to utter some sentences I can't hear clear enough, and after few minutes, when things finally cool down, I barely understand the situation.
"Mom was taking a walk with the dog, when she saw an untied Rottweiler , she got scared and get panicked, and fall down because of that..."
Believe me, I actually breathed a sigh of relief. And I asked my sister about my mother's condition, she just replied " a not so serious eye damaged, and some bruise here and there.
And I finally able to relax, when my mother answered the phone, and said that she only suffered some minimal skin damage. And she proceeded on how my aunt able to convince ( or force, to be exact ) the dog owner to pay the bill... and she do it in her "own way", my mom said
PHEEEWWW...............
Perhaps it's a very weird response from me, but my experiences with hospital wasn't exactly a good one. When I was form 3, my mother got admitted into hospital, and get diagnosed with cancer...and I knew it because my aunt talked me through the phone.
And in these past 1 - 2 years and so, I had 1-2 experiences getting an innocent looking phone-call, but turned out to be my mom get admitted to hospital for some another unknown diseases again...I had no idea...no idea...when after 4-5 years of peaceful times, I would get another cellphone call, telling me that my mother is in hospital again...
And of course, I am very relieved when it was just some injury, which is minor compared to some unknown diseases that got my mom lying in the white bed for days......
I thought about all those tough times my mother had faced, and how she managed to overcome it, while successfully bringing her son to study in the university, I can't help but to think my emotional problems are very much petty compared to hers. For a second, I am ashamed...for me making a storm out of teacup because of some emotional problems I had faced during these years
And I think I got another reason to study, shrug, I guess.
Mom, please be ok.
Jin Khang
The cellphone blared, interrupting my cell phone games, and I know, it's my sister again. It actually sent a chill down my spine, as my sister wasn't exactly a silent type person. And I certainly don't enjoy my sister asking me whether I am single or not. Even though I tried to hint her that I am busy, she doesn't seem to get it ( or rather ignore it), and proceeded with her 30 minutes talk...
Well, guess I'll answer the phone, I hesitated a moment and click the receive button.
What I don't expect though, is the following sentences from her...
" Mother has been in hospital " .
Huh?
You can't be kidding me!
Wait, this must be a mistake, I convinced myself to calm down, and ask my sister again, and she came with the same dreaded sentence again...
What? Is all I can say.
And the dreadful transmission started to take a toll on my phone, as my sister tried to utter some sentences I can't hear clear enough, and after few minutes, when things finally cool down, I barely understand the situation.
"Mom was taking a walk with the dog, when she saw an untied Rottweiler , she got scared and get panicked, and fall down because of that..."
Believe me, I actually breathed a sigh of relief. And I asked my sister about my mother's condition, she just replied " a not so serious eye damaged, and some bruise here and there.
And I finally able to relax, when my mother answered the phone, and said that she only suffered some minimal skin damage. And she proceeded on how my aunt able to convince ( or force, to be exact ) the dog owner to pay the bill... and she do it in her "own way", my mom said
PHEEEWWW...............
Perhaps it's a very weird response from me, but my experiences with hospital wasn't exactly a good one. When I was form 3, my mother got admitted into hospital, and get diagnosed with cancer...and I knew it because my aunt talked me through the phone.
And in these past 1 - 2 years and so, I had 1-2 experiences getting an innocent looking phone-call, but turned out to be my mom get admitted to hospital for some another unknown diseases again...I had no idea...no idea...when after 4-5 years of peaceful times, I would get another cellphone call, telling me that my mother is in hospital again...
And of course, I am very relieved when it was just some injury, which is minor compared to some unknown diseases that got my mom lying in the white bed for days......
I thought about all those tough times my mother had faced, and how she managed to overcome it, while successfully bringing her son to study in the university, I can't help but to think my emotional problems are very much petty compared to hers. For a second, I am ashamed...for me making a storm out of teacup because of some emotional problems I had faced during these years
And I think I got another reason to study, shrug, I guess.
Mom, please be ok.
Jin Khang
Friday, October 22, 2010
A small hi
I decide to continue, despite the bitter feeling that has been around me for quite some time.
Time to say Hi to those busy days. And find back the me that can still smile when work is piling up.
Yep, a broken feet and some ( not some, a lot, but anyway ) chattering won't stop me from finishing my stuff on time.
Hello, midnight, as welcoming as ever
Edward
Time to say Hi to those busy days. And find back the me that can still smile when work is piling up.
Yep, a broken feet and some ( not some, a lot, but anyway ) chattering won't stop me from finishing my stuff on time.
Hello, midnight, as welcoming as ever
Edward
Saturday, October 16, 2010
For the first time
I don't know how is laughing behind me.
I don't know how to believe
I don't know who's friend and who's not
I don't know whether I'm bothered or not.
But for the first time,
I know I actually cared about my image
A tarnished one, a condemned one
For years people either think I am a nuisance
or I am a fool
And for years I accepted people looking me
as a lool
But for the first time
I don't
And I shall get a new change today
And I shall shut down my heart
And I shall shut down my faith
For the sake of an already fragile image
A castle of thorns
Is better than a thorough despised lair
A castle of thorns
Is better than a thorough despised lair
And from now on
People shall looks the castle and not the room
But just for tonight
People shall looks the castle and not the room
But just for tonight
I don't understand who I can turn to when there's trouble
And yet for tonight
I truly understand how alone I am really be
And after tonight
I will never understand what dependent is.
And after tonight
I will never understand what dependent is.
And perhaps night to come
I will savor the bitter fruit of maturity
The fruit of pretentious and hypocrisy
I will savor the bitter fruit of maturity
The fruit of pretentious and hypocrisy
Edward
Code to bind to
正康
察言观色，见风使舵，与人周旋，八面玲珑，见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话。
我做不到。 这几十年来， 我做不到。
我自己认为的友善，是人眼中的傻瓜。
没关系，房友没说错。我是时候改变了。从今天开始，我会板起我的脸，脸中，一就是认真，一，就是奉承，一就，就是客套起来。
在美国，客套这一套，我变得很了得。 但是，从今天起，那些要我和他客套的人，将不会是我的朋友，只能是熟人，和路人没差别。我会学会板起脸孔， 也不会再讲一句和自己有关的东西，也不会再往自己头上踩。
我的好房友，我在讥笑你，无非是要你知道，你的态度，会弄你兜不完，你却说我是个傻瓜，也仅为这样我才知道那些我和他友善的人，都是他们眼中的傻瓜。
察言观色，见风使舵，与人周旋，八面玲珑，见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话。
我做不到。 这几十年来， 我做不到。
我自己认为的友善，是人眼中的傻瓜。
没关系，房友没说错。我是时候改变了。从今天开始，我会板起我的脸，脸中，一就是认真，一，就是奉承，一就，就是客套起来。
在美国，客套这一套，我变得很了得。 但是，从今天起，那些要我和他客套的人，将不会是我的朋友，只能是熟人，和路人没差别。我会学会板起脸孔， 也不会再讲一句和自己有关的东西，也不会再往自己头上踩。
我的好房友，我在讥笑你，无非是要你知道，你的态度，会弄你兜不完，你却说我是个傻瓜，也仅为这样我才知道那些我和他友善的人，都是他们眼中的傻瓜。
说真的，我真的很天真，以为和你们闹着，就代表我们友情不错。 原来，我只是一个傻瓜。除了一些好朋友之外， 我想要和你们说。你要我客气，我可没问题。你叫我JK，我会叫你给我个正统的叫法，否则我会不理你。
说我认命，我认命了。我情愿虚伪起来，也不要做个小丑。 从今已后，你在大众将死，会由我来代替。
但我希望，这个世界，会有一些人会不管理节的和你友好。但只要一天，他还是会像我一样，所以从今起，我不会在后面酸人
爱德华
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Cresendos of daily Z
From 8am to 9am : zzzzzzzzzz
From 9am to 10am : zzzzzzzzzzzz
From 11am to 1pm: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 1.30pm to 2.15pm :zzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 2:30 to 3:25pm : ______________________
From 3:25 to 4:30 :zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 4:30 to 7:30 : Z? (#$%^&*)
From 7:30 to 9:30 : zzzzzzzzzz
From 9:30 to 12:00 : zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 12:00 to 1:00 : zzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 2:00 to 4:00 :Z(?)
From 4:00 to 6:00 :zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 6:30 to 8:00 :zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Just found out I can do nth for 15 minutes, so decide to login to blog and write something random
Z
Thursday, September 16, 2010
.........
* this is a moaning post *...
I had enough of bad lucks and clumsiness = _ +
List of unlucky events ( this is a 4 year statistic )
- Losing a key and ended trapped outside for hours - 4 times
- Losing a key and ended trapped inside - 2 times
- Broken my pants during an event - 6 times
- leaving my stuff in people's place -countless
- leaving my bike in an unknown place - 4 times
- cellphone runs out of energy when i need an emergency call - 5 times
- property lost -countless
-spectacle broken - twice ( and often comes with dramatic event)
I guess, if there's an incurable disease, my clumsiness is one.........
* wall banging *
I had enough of bad lucks and clumsiness = _ +
List of unlucky events ( this is a 4 year statistic )
- Losing a key and ended trapped outside for hours - 4 times
- Losing a key and ended trapped inside - 2 times
- Broken my pants during an event - 6 times
- leaving my stuff in people's place -countless
- leaving my bike in an unknown place - 4 times
- cellphone runs out of energy when i need an emergency call - 5 times
- property lost -countless
-spectacle broken - twice ( and often comes with dramatic event)
I guess, if there's an incurable disease, my clumsiness is one.........
* wall banging *
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
A single story
If you are asked to sum up your characteristic and life in and tell it to others in one single story, which story would you picked? Or rather, can you depict yourself really well in one story.
For example, If I would, I may depict myself in a sad story, in which I am nerd, unlucky, single and not good-looking , and when I tell it to my friends, some will break my conversation and say, " It's not damn true, you are awfully lucky to have a scholarship," and etc etc.
Maybe I was unlucky in terms on my body possessions, but I am overall lucky, for violating the traffic rules for year and still ending up in one piece.
That's right. Humans are inherently complex animal, that you couldn't sum who they really are, with a single story. It's not to say that one single story of a person is not the truth, but rather, an incomplete truth, that tells you some, or little, or even, nothing, of the guy's personality.
What if I tell you there's one young guy, he was rebellious in nature, he did poorly in studies, he switched school for 3 times for that, and he has speech impediment. And If from this single story, you have to conclude what's the well-being person is, I doubt it will be a positive review...
Just to tell you, this guy in Winston Churchill, the prime minister of England during WW2
Yes, you couldn't never tell from that one single story, yet,
BUT we do tell what people are from the little single story. And often time, you could even say the race-relation in Malaysia is often shaped with one single story
When I was small, my aunt always quote those naughty kids as little Indians, and often times I get caught with this nicknames a few times because of my own mischievousness. And when I asked my aunt, why Indian, of all things, I remembered her answer " they are a bunch of uncivilized people " vaguely.
There's also one vivid scene I saw when I was a kid, in a Bollywood fighting scene, there's one guy fighting a number of bad villains. That heroic guy drunk a whole load of beer, whacked the beer on another villain, and proceeded with a fight that I could say "brutal". And that goes without saying, the two story I experienced becomes my "only definition" of Indians.
However, when I had an asthma attack, the doctor that cured me was an Indian. And back in Malaysia, every time there's a load of asthma attack or fever or injuries, it was that same Indian doctor that cured me outta from the mess.
And if I had not encountered that Indian doctor, I might still trapped in a story in which Indians are the bad guy in society, and yeah, just to let you know, my roommate was an Indian ( although he has the name Danish with him ).
And for Malays, it's the same case. My parents often tell myself "not to think like a Malay", and when I asked, they often said "Malays are a lazy group of people". And back when I was still young, there's whispering of my friend saying "Babi Melayu" , and also some newspaper article.
And there's one particular bad experiences I had with Malay, I was browsing net on a cafe when some bunch of Malay kids screams like amok for no reason at least for an hour, you could imagine my irritated feeling as I was actually doing my assignment on the cafe.
And all those things, after years, had finally summed me up one thing.Malays are lazy, good for nothing, rempit, useless without government, bad in English and a racial bunch. That, was the single story I had.
It was during my scholarship years, that the single story of mine changed. The two years shows me that a Malay can also be a hardworking bunch, rational dudes that able to speak English fluently as well. And they are not one of those peoples you could say as " good for nothing " people.
And despites of the racial waves incoming lately because of an issue, we have people for all races that refuses to be get carried by the emotional racism wave, yes, including those Malays.
It's a Utopian world to say there's no racist chinese and malays and Indians. But, the racist side of the story doesn't constitutes our behavior as a Malaysian. And when the politicians highlighted the race issues , often time, they are obsessed with the one story of racism we have, and ignored the stories of harmony we have in our country.
And lastly, for people that have a certain prejudiced feeling to a person, a group, a race, or even a country, I would implore you, not to look at the one face of the story and proceeded conclusion based on that. You know, when people judged you by their side of the story, you know that
they haven't seen you enough, and you know it because
There's never enough story to sum up a human.
For example, If I would, I may depict myself in a sad story, in which I am nerd, unlucky, single and not good-looking , and when I tell it to my friends, some will break my conversation and say, " It's not damn true, you are awfully lucky to have a scholarship," and etc etc.
Maybe I was unlucky in terms on my body possessions, but I am overall lucky, for violating the traffic rules for year and still ending up in one piece.
That's right. Humans are inherently complex animal, that you couldn't sum who they really are, with a single story. It's not to say that one single story of a person is not the truth, but rather, an incomplete truth, that tells you some, or little, or even, nothing, of the guy's personality.
What if I tell you there's one young guy, he was rebellious in nature, he did poorly in studies, he switched school for 3 times for that, and he has speech impediment. And If from this single story, you have to conclude what's the well-being person is, I doubt it will be a positive review...
Just to tell you, this guy in Winston Churchill, the prime minister of England during WW2
Yes, you couldn't never tell from that one single story, yet,
BUT we do tell what people are from the little single story. And often time, you could even say the race-relation in Malaysia is often shaped with one single story
When I was small, my aunt always quote those naughty kids as little Indians, and often times I get caught with this nicknames a few times because of my own mischievousness. And when I asked my aunt, why Indian, of all things, I remembered her answer " they are a bunch of uncivilized people " vaguely.
There's also one vivid scene I saw when I was a kid, in a Bollywood fighting scene, there's one guy fighting a number of bad villains. That heroic guy drunk a whole load of beer, whacked the beer on another villain, and proceeded with a fight that I could say "brutal". And that goes without saying, the two story I experienced becomes my "only definition" of Indians.
However, when I had an asthma attack, the doctor that cured me was an Indian. And back in Malaysia, every time there's a load of asthma attack or fever or injuries, it was that same Indian doctor that cured me outta from the mess.
And if I had not encountered that Indian doctor, I might still trapped in a story in which Indians are the bad guy in society, and yeah, just to let you know, my roommate was an Indian ( although he has the name Danish with him ).
And for Malays, it's the same case. My parents often tell myself "not to think like a Malay", and when I asked, they often said "Malays are a lazy group of people". And back when I was still young, there's whispering of my friend saying "Babi Melayu" , and also some newspaper article.
And there's one particular bad experiences I had with Malay, I was browsing net on a cafe when some bunch of Malay kids screams like amok for no reason at least for an hour, you could imagine my irritated feeling as I was actually doing my assignment on the cafe.
And all those things, after years, had finally summed me up one thing.Malays are lazy, good for nothing, rempit, useless without government, bad in English and a racial bunch. That, was the single story I had.
It was during my scholarship years, that the single story of mine changed. The two years shows me that a Malay can also be a hardworking bunch, rational dudes that able to speak English fluently as well. And they are not one of those peoples you could say as " good for nothing " people.
And despites of the racial waves incoming lately because of an issue, we have people for all races that refuses to be get carried by the emotional racism wave, yes, including those Malays.
It's a Utopian world to say there's no racist chinese and malays and Indians. But, the racist side of the story doesn't constitutes our behavior as a Malaysian. And when the politicians highlighted the race issues , often time, they are obsessed with the one story of racism we have, and ignored the stories of harmony we have in our country.
And lastly, for people that have a certain prejudiced feeling to a person, a group, a race, or even a country, I would implore you, not to look at the one face of the story and proceeded conclusion based on that. You know, when people judged you by their side of the story, you know that
they haven't seen you enough, and you know it because
There's never enough story to sum up a human.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
It's fall
Weeks ago, the place I was living can only be described as a scorching hell. I had no idea that I was hoping for such a scorching hell to land upon this land 6 months ago.
This new land was still full of surprise, even after one year. I wouldn't have imagined in one day that I would face the 4 walls of my room all day long. I wouldn't have imagined that I could actually live like an antisocial for a year, with my nearest friend being 4 miles away. Also, who could have imagined that I was using "miles" instead of "km" , fahrenheit "F" instead of celcius "C" . And how could I have imagined that I will interacting with those white peoples, the one you used to see in movies, will now be asking your order in McD.And how could I imagined myself that I would be saying thank you to a taxi driver, to some passerby that offered help, and to actually learn simple etiquette such as holding up a door to incoming person, and etc.
Malaysia was once labeled as third most rudest country. Before this, I laughed at the ridiculous report, now, I totally understand why.
The whites are portrayed as a proud and rude race, however, their customer service was not something you could have seen in Malaysia.I had seen bus drivers that played jazz on the bus ( even though there's a big sign of "no radio" ) , and also bus driver that chatted about "big bang" with a graduate, and also others that able to keep a gruffly smile on those people.It's like things are revolving around them with their own pace, and dang, although I had been working since young, I would really have to salute those guys. Customer respect seems to be something that was built into them...
Regretfully, I couldn't break up the social cell that's restricting me for this year being, ( more recluse if you ask ). However, with a new fall, it's a new starting point. I quitted the Dreadful of the Ancient (DoTA), once my signature, and yeah, what else I couldn't accomplish if I actually get rid the 6 years old habit...
Blogger, the last semester was a tear of loneliness, with a mix of regretful, some sprinkle of helplessness, and a tidbit of fear. I hope, things are not too late eh, since it's a new semester year.
And finally, the old scorching hell was gone, replaced by the chilling cold that I had been experiencing last year.
A new year dude, hurl on!
This new land was still full of surprise, even after one year. I wouldn't have imagined in one day that I would face the 4 walls of my room all day long. I wouldn't have imagined that I could actually live like an antisocial for a year, with my nearest friend being 4 miles away. Also, who could have imagined that I was using "miles" instead of "km" , fahrenheit "F" instead of celcius "C" . And how could I have imagined that I will interacting with those white peoples, the one you used to see in movies, will now be asking your order in McD.And how could I imagined myself that I would be saying thank you to a taxi driver, to some passerby that offered help, and to actually learn simple etiquette such as holding up a door to incoming person, and etc.
Malaysia was once labeled as third most rudest country. Before this, I laughed at the ridiculous report, now, I totally understand why.
The whites are portrayed as a proud and rude race, however, their customer service was not something you could have seen in Malaysia.I had seen bus drivers that played jazz on the bus ( even though there's a big sign of "no radio" ) , and also bus driver that chatted about "big bang" with a graduate, and also others that able to keep a gruffly smile on those people.It's like things are revolving around them with their own pace, and dang, although I had been working since young, I would really have to salute those guys. Customer respect seems to be something that was built into them...
Regretfully, I couldn't break up the social cell that's restricting me for this year being, ( more recluse if you ask ). However, with a new fall, it's a new starting point. I quitted the Dreadful of the Ancient (DoTA), once my signature, and yeah, what else I couldn't accomplish if I actually get rid the 6 years old habit...
Blogger, the last semester was a tear of loneliness, with a mix of regretful, some sprinkle of helplessness, and a tidbit of fear. I hope, things are not too late eh, since it's a new semester year.
And finally, the old scorching hell was gone, replaced by the chilling cold that I had been experiencing last year.
A new year dude, hurl on!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Skip Beat
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I think I broke my own taboo of no shoujo manga, but for the second time, I break the rule again...
Despite that, of all things, I am a fan of good stories, and despite Skip Beat is a (NONO) shoujo manga, it will be foolish to say that all the manga/anime offers is romance and uber cool guy~
It will be an insult for this cute manga :D
* Otaku mode on : ) *
This story revolves around an ordinary girl, Kyoko Mogami, that has no fashion sense (and a streak of unluckiness around her). This poor little girl fall mindlessly in love with her childhood friend Sho, to the point of following and supporting him on his quest to be a famous singer
And you could prolly guess from the look, Sho dumped the main character after he get famous, saying that she's only a mere maid of him...And from this painful revelation..., the unknown side of Kyoko was unlocked
Yes, It's the soul of evil, the vengeful ghost within her.....*gulp*
However, Kyoko wasn't going to swallow the betrayal. She has her own way of revenge..~To be a famous star that surpasses even Sho, so that he will one day cringe in defeat...
Well, that's it...I am not going to spoil this juicy anime~I do have a few pictures I wanna put though. If you are prepared to skip a beat for this anime, betcha you should take a look of it before the fall semester started (=_= )
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| Kyoko new look~ Cute :) |
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| The definition of shoujo Manga...cool guys~ |
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| It's Kyoko... |
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| This chicken is too......... |
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| This is kyoko (?) too My favorite picture of all :)  |
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Sigh of the day
Quote from a guy in RSA
Why Muslims hate west?
Because of your unconditional support to Israel even when they kill thousands and thousands of muslims in Palestine.Offcourse its natural to celebrate your deaths...If my brother is killed by a western bulletin Iraq or Afghanistan or Palestine for example...And he is innocent 12 years old boy playing football in the street..For sure I am going to kill atleast 1 white westerner..Some people may not,but i would kill..no doubt abt it in my mind..So now stop asking the question why muslims hate west...
* And from this quote, a scenario starts to run in my mind*
And suppose if one day, his brother was killed by those westerners he mentioned, and out of sadness and rage, the person killed a white westerner. However, the white westerner he killed was merely a innocent tourist/doctor that have a family somewhere back in his home country...
And the seeds of hatred will be plant to the families of the dead...
And undoubtedly, if one of them shall rise in the seat of power, many more Muslims in Afghanistan will die for his cause of hatred, and those who survived from the West, will undoubtedly devote themselves to kill those westerners that have massacred their own living place, or even they don't, they shall have a seed of hatred to westerners which will undoubtedly passed through the generations to come
Even as I say, the ugly cycle of hatred continues, like the Uroboros , a hatred that constantly renewed and recreates themselves.
* * * * * * *
To end the cycle, one has to make an end cut to the cycle itself. However, that means not hating despite how opponent inflicted a great pain into things you hold dear, it means to quietly endure the pains that you have undergone
And how was that possible...?
Why Muslims hate west?
Because of your unconditional support to Israel even when they kill thousands and thousands of muslims in Palestine.Offcourse its natural to celebrate your deaths...If my brother is killed by a western bulletin Iraq or Afghanistan or Palestine for example...And he is innocent 12 years old boy playing football in the street..For sure I am going to kill atleast 1 white westerner..Some people may not,but i would kill..no doubt abt it in my mind..So now stop asking the question why muslims hate west...
* And from this quote, a scenario starts to run in my mind*
And suppose if one day, his brother was killed by those westerners he mentioned, and out of sadness and rage, the person killed a white westerner. However, the white westerner he killed was merely a innocent tourist/doctor that have a family somewhere back in his home country...
And the seeds of hatred will be plant to the families of the dead...
And undoubtedly, if one of them shall rise in the seat of power, many more Muslims in Afghanistan will die for his cause of hatred, and those who survived from the West, will undoubtedly devote themselves to kill those westerners that have massacred their own living place, or even they don't, they shall have a seed of hatred to westerners which will undoubtedly passed through the generations to come
Even as I say, the ugly cycle of hatred continues, like the Uroboros , a hatred that constantly renewed and recreates themselves.
* * * * * * *
To end the cycle, one has to make an end cut to the cycle itself. However, that means not hating despite how opponent inflicted a great pain into things you hold dear, it means to quietly endure the pains that you have undergone
And how was that possible...?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
众里寻她千百度,蓦然回首,那人却在灯火阑珊处。
一个人住的时候， 有时候会一个人开始乱乱想东西。偏偏在大学， 却是一个人住， 而且是整整一年。所以啊，想入飞飞的时候， 想到一样东西了。。。
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当我是三年级时， 老姐和我时常在巴士被人欺负, 也不知道为什么，劝架的人没有， 火上加油的到有。 那个混蛋的样子我不记得， 但在不懂某某一天， 有个女生说了一句话
“别欺负她们俩了”
她是我老姐的同班同学， 那时我只记得一样东西， 她的头发很长， 她的脸， 好美。
到头来，东西没改变， 但是脑海多了一个人的样和名字。
那个时候， 脑海里那个女生变成了一个 “大姐”的形象。
之后跳班了， 在小学做小混混几年了， 糊糊涂涂到中学了。
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在中一班上， 我看见了很多老同学， 也见到了那位女生。那脸蛋， 头发仍然没变。 没事干， 就 跑前去和她搭讪两句，但从她眼中， 我只是。。。
“ 你是曹叔恩的弟弟吧”
结果， 我和那个女生同班了五年， 期间， 前三年彼此只是寒暄几句， 那个时候， 我喜欢了班上另一个女生。 结果啊， 那四年暗恋到头来无始无众了。
只记得， 我对那个女生， 从大姐形象，变成“傻大姐”了。 因为啊， 她发火的样子， 很好笑， 也出奇的（可爱/傻）。那个事候啊， 也时常听到有人说她 “胸部小” 来惹她发火， 我虽然也是其中一个， 但我心里的想法， 如果给她知道， 我真的要钻个洞。
“胸部小如何啊， 她样子还不错啊。。。。”
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在中四时， 也不知道为什么和她走近了。 只知道她突然间找我问功课了， 和我抢kacang putih 了， 在补习班， 又看到她哪傻傻的脸孔。那个时候， 我们算是从陌生人变成了同学吧。嬉笑她一番， 变成了一个习惯， 只因，看她生气， 还蛮得意的。
我那奇怪的习性， 从她的眼中， 是“不成熟” 的表现吧。
那个时候， 我也没想那么多， 因为那时后我还在想其他女生吧。
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
有一天，发了一个奇怪的梦， 梦见自己的手和她十指紧扣， 走了一段黄叶铺满的路， 想的只是 “别放开我的手可以吗”。
起身时， 冒了一顿冷汗， 但心里出奇的甜。
也有一天， 那个女生被欺负了， 我也不知道为什么袒护她起来， 也不知道， 我也不知道吃错什么药， 说了一句
“我又不是你的男朋友”
详细资料我不知道， 只知道我座位旁边的墙壁多了个洞...自己敲下去。
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
之后日子如常，也不知道用什么原因和她简讯起来了。
也不知道什么原因， 我收起了她的每一封简讯， 尤其是我去KL 前她sent我的那一封
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
在college 的日子， 又喜欢上另一个女生，结果吃了个闭门塞。那中学时的脸，我也忘了， 那奇怪的梦， 也忘了， 直到有一天， 她生日了， 她半开玩笑的问生日礼物， 结果我也不知道为什么跑去了secret recipe买了个蛋糕， 亲手给她， 但因为蛋糕溶化了， 所以我的家墙壁又多了个洞。
但那时， 吃了闭门塞后， 我对爱这个咚咚又怕又惊， 所以也没想那么多
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
转而眼， 我还有十天要走了，在偶然一天我跑到了她的家， 而且有一段时间， 只有我和她一个在家， 脑里开始想入非非， 但是到最后没东西发生， 还好还好。
到我在机场时，那没有电的电话响了， 一开， 是她的祝福。但在在凌晨一点时， 那时是一个百感交集的祝福。
也不知道那时候， 我给了她一个奇怪的承诺
“三年后如果彼此单身， 我可以追你吗？”
但那该死的电话在我寄着简讯时却没电了。
我也不知道， 她收到了吗？
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
如今， 我们还有联络， 对她， 我还是有一股不敢说出口的感觉，但从她口中， 她说我成熟了。 说真的， 我真的有一股说不出的开心
但仍然有时候， 我想问她 “你有收到那个简讯吗？ ”
从一个大姐， 变成了一个傻大姐， 在变成了朋友， 下一步是什么？
梦中的十指紧扣， 或只是十年后的一般朋友， 我也不知道， 但是那一个结局也好，我也坦然接受。
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
如果有怡保人看到， 或那个女生看到的话，请忘了吧，我不想再弄个洞了， 最近剪了头， 撞起来也会比较痛
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
当我是三年级时， 老姐和我时常在巴士被人欺负, 也不知道为什么，劝架的人没有， 火上加油的到有。 那个混蛋的样子我不记得， 但在不懂某某一天， 有个女生说了一句话
“别欺负她们俩了”
她是我老姐的同班同学， 那时我只记得一样东西， 她的头发很长， 她的脸， 好美。
到头来，东西没改变， 但是脑海多了一个人的样和名字。
那个时候， 脑海里那个女生变成了一个 “大姐”的形象。
之后跳班了， 在小学做小混混几年了， 糊糊涂涂到中学了。
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
在中一班上， 我看见了很多老同学， 也见到了那位女生。那脸蛋， 头发仍然没变。 没事干， 就 跑前去和她搭讪两句，但从她眼中， 我只是。。。
“ 你是曹叔恩的弟弟吧”
结果， 我和那个女生同班了五年， 期间， 前三年彼此只是寒暄几句， 那个时候， 我喜欢了班上另一个女生。 结果啊， 那四年暗恋到头来无始无众了。
只记得， 我对那个女生， 从大姐形象，变成“傻大姐”了。 因为啊， 她发火的样子， 很好笑， 也出奇的（可爱/傻）。那个事候啊， 也时常听到有人说她 “胸部小” 来惹她发火， 我虽然也是其中一个， 但我心里的想法， 如果给她知道， 我真的要钻个洞。
“胸部小如何啊， 她样子还不错啊。。。。”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
在中四时， 也不知道为什么和她走近了。 只知道她突然间找我问功课了， 和我抢kacang putih 了， 在补习班， 又看到她哪傻傻的脸孔。那个时候， 我们算是从陌生人变成了同学吧。嬉笑她一番， 变成了一个习惯， 只因，看她生气， 还蛮得意的。
我那奇怪的习性， 从她的眼中， 是“不成熟” 的表现吧。
那个时候， 我也没想那么多， 因为那时后我还在想其他女生吧。
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
有一天，发了一个奇怪的梦， 梦见自己的手和她十指紧扣， 走了一段黄叶铺满的路， 想的只是 “别放开我的手可以吗”。
起身时， 冒了一顿冷汗， 但心里出奇的甜。
也有一天， 那个女生被欺负了， 我也不知道为什么袒护她起来， 也不知道， 我也不知道吃错什么药， 说了一句
“我又不是你的男朋友”
详细资料我不知道， 只知道我座位旁边的墙壁多了个洞...自己敲下去。
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
之后日子如常，也不知道用什么原因和她简讯起来了。
也不知道什么原因， 我收起了她的每一封简讯， 尤其是我去KL 前她sent我的那一封
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
在college 的日子， 又喜欢上另一个女生，结果吃了个闭门塞。那中学时的脸，我也忘了， 那奇怪的梦， 也忘了， 直到有一天， 她生日了， 她半开玩笑的问生日礼物， 结果我也不知道为什么跑去了secret recipe买了个蛋糕， 亲手给她， 但因为蛋糕溶化了， 所以我的家墙壁又多了个洞。
但那时， 吃了闭门塞后， 我对爱这个咚咚又怕又惊， 所以也没想那么多
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
转而眼， 我还有十天要走了，在偶然一天我跑到了她的家， 而且有一段时间， 只有我和她一个在家， 脑里开始想入非非， 但是到最后没东西发生， 还好还好。
到我在机场时，那没有电的电话响了， 一开， 是她的祝福。但在在凌晨一点时， 那时是一个百感交集的祝福。
也不知道那时候， 我给了她一个奇怪的承诺
“三年后如果彼此单身， 我可以追你吗？”
但那该死的电话在我寄着简讯时却没电了。
我也不知道， 她收到了吗？
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
如今， 我们还有联络， 对她， 我还是有一股不敢说出口的感觉，但从她口中， 她说我成熟了。 说真的， 我真的有一股说不出的开心
但仍然有时候， 我想问她 “你有收到那个简讯吗？ ”
从一个大姐， 变成了一个傻大姐， 在变成了朋友， 下一步是什么？
梦中的十指紧扣， 或只是十年后的一般朋友， 我也不知道， 但是那一个结局也好，我也坦然接受。
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
如果有怡保人看到， 或那个女生看到的话，请忘了吧，我不想再弄个洞了， 最近剪了头， 撞起来也会比较痛
扫扫灰尘
我看， 这个部落格也算是古迹啦。好东西， 历史价值什么都没有， 一大堆名为埋怨，自私，和很多无名的咚咚倒有。
看到以前写的东东， 充满希望的， 充满绝望的， 骂人的, 埋怨的， 诉苦的，都有。 记得每次心情超不爽， 跑去部落格， 写了一大堆我到现在都不明白的东西， 心情好了， 到明天要去学校时， 却怕有人看我部落格之后， 指三说四。 事实上， 这种事情也发生了几次。
一天突然心起，写了一个 “宗教不好论”， 结果惹到一斑大小姐不开心， 结果delete 了。
又有突然一天，写了一遍 “朋友不好论”， 结果明天朋友眼光怪怪的 ， 又delete了 。
更加恐怖的是，写了一遍 “老师不好论”， 结果那天恶梦连连， 明天立刻起身delete 了。
但是还是要写，虽然口头说“我部落格”不想要人知道， 但说实话， 我是想希望埋怨一番后， 人家可能会对我好一点， 至少明白我嘛， 但是却不老实的起来。想想， 我和那些在 fb 骂人不指性没两样。
对人，我可能不老实， 但对自己， 总是有了面对自己自私一面的勇气。
所以啊， 如今看到这里满满堆灰尘， 我想我可以写我所写吧。 但是， 那种“不想被人看但要人家看的矛盾还在吧。”
没关系， 反正那些在部落格诉苦的,和我或许有同样想法。
看到以前写的东东， 充满希望的， 充满绝望的， 骂人的, 埋怨的， 诉苦的，都有。 记得每次心情超不爽， 跑去部落格， 写了一大堆我到现在都不明白的东西， 心情好了， 到明天要去学校时， 却怕有人看我部落格之后， 指三说四。 事实上， 这种事情也发生了几次。
一天突然心起，写了一个 “宗教不好论”， 结果惹到一斑大小姐不开心， 结果delete 了。
又有突然一天，写了一遍 “朋友不好论”， 结果明天朋友眼光怪怪的 ， 又delete了 。
更加恐怖的是，写了一遍 “老师不好论”， 结果那天恶梦连连， 明天立刻起身delete 了。
但是还是要写，虽然口头说“我部落格”不想要人知道， 但说实话， 我是想希望埋怨一番后， 人家可能会对我好一点， 至少明白我嘛， 但是却不老实的起来。想想， 我和那些在 fb 骂人不指性没两样。
对人，我可能不老实， 但对自己， 总是有了面对自己自私一面的勇气。
所以啊， 如今看到这里满满堆灰尘， 我想我可以写我所写吧。 但是， 那种“不想被人看但要人家看的矛盾还在吧。”
没关系， 反正那些在部落格诉苦的,和我或许有同样想法。
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
To blog
well, I am going to say goodbye to this world of facebook and internet for 1 week.
May the ditch is successful
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
...
Most people whine and complain their problem, and some managed to learn how to deal with their own problem without saying a word, but the best people sees happiness out of their problem...
And how many year would I need more before I would finally face a problem without a whine?
And how many more years would I need to face a predicament with a smile?
How long, life?
Friday, July 2, 2010
.
I know it long time ago that no matter how may friends you have, you are by yourself when problem kicks in...
Nuff said.
Update
Emotion back to normal, but there's some truth in the statement
Nuff said.
Update
Emotion back to normal, but there's some truth in the statement
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Something that I remembered
I remembered, once, years ago, I blogged of a few post about religions and stuff, and most of the post survived less than 1-3days, and most of them was deleted by me, after being informed that a few students are unsatisfied with my post, and at least few had gone angry, as if I conducted an act of heresy/disrespect.
Now to think back, I really regretted.
It reminds me of few things I heard...
'Christians and Muslims are angry when people ridiculed our religion, but we buddhist will just smile towards those accusation. What makes those Christians and Muslims have the right to express their anger but not us?," the preacher said.....
Because, we are buddhist, an answer popped out from nowhere.
Now to think about it, what makes atheism a bad thing to be ridiculed just because they do not believe in gods. What is so wrong with an atheist expressing view, and getting response of being "disrespectful, heretic, and etc."
Why is atheism being such a taboo? We don't commit crime, we live honest life, we don't segregate people just because of a different religion, we don't ridicule other's religion ( compared to other religions believer ).
(Even though some said atheist itself is a crime, but I took pride of having rationalism/reasons to guide my way, instead of religion.)
And my blog, though it's accessible from everyone, is only some stuff to blurt personal stuff, that being say, I can say what I am, and you are not obliged to agree in anything, nor do it shall be taken seriously (unless you wanted to).
During that time, I wrote a post doubting religions and see thing from my own perspective, I ain't forcing belief into people that read the post, nor do I condemn/insult people's belief. ( Maybe people perceive it differently, my doubt being an insult to their religion). However I don't think it's an insult if I said " why it is such such such in religion ABC", for those zealots ( ya, that's the insult to you all ), it might be unquestionablr, but for me, it's merely a question for myself.
Did I ever say your religion's prophet was fake/charlatan?
I wished I could tell those people...to STFU, but since I deleted the post, and tell myself to write nothing about that...
in future, i won't even touch about atheism/ religion in post, but I just remembered.
And I know those people won't even read post ( which to my relief).
But , this post serves a good reminder for me not to shut my mind out just because someone might get pissed.
Update
- After a conversation, I felt that I might be too judgmental to theist
* Not to be deleted post at all cost*
Now to think back, I really regretted.
It reminds me of few things I heard...
'Christians and Muslims are angry when people ridiculed our religion, but we buddhist will just smile towards those accusation. What makes those Christians and Muslims have the right to express their anger but not us?," the preacher said.....
Because, we are buddhist, an answer popped out from nowhere.
Now to think about it, what makes atheism a bad thing to be ridiculed just because they do not believe in gods. What is so wrong with an atheist expressing view, and getting response of being "disrespectful, heretic, and etc."
Why is atheism being such a taboo? We don't commit crime, we live honest life, we don't segregate people just because of a different religion, we don't ridicule other's religion ( compared to other religions believer ).
(Even though some said atheist itself is a crime, but I took pride of having rationalism/reasons to guide my way, instead of religion.)
And my blog, though it's accessible from everyone, is only some stuff to blurt personal stuff, that being say, I can say what I am, and you are not obliged to agree in anything, nor do it shall be taken seriously (unless you wanted to).
During that time, I wrote a post doubting religions and see thing from my own perspective, I ain't forcing belief into people that read the post, nor do I condemn/insult people's belief. ( Maybe people perceive it differently, my doubt being an insult to their religion). However I don't think it's an insult if I said " why it is such such such in religion ABC", for those zealots ( ya, that's the insult to you all ), it might be unquestionablr, but for me, it's merely a question for myself.
Did I ever say your religion's prophet was fake/charlatan?
I wished I could tell those people...to STFU, but since I deleted the post, and tell myself to write nothing about that...
in future, i won't even touch about atheism/ religion in post, but I just remembered.
And I know those people won't even read post ( which to my relief).
But , this post serves a good reminder for me not to shut my mind out just because someone might get pissed.
Update
- After a conversation, I felt that I might be too judgmental to theist
* Not to be deleted post at all cost*
Friday, March 26, 2010
Home
Mom was nagging me for glue-ing in the computer for hours, and asking me to help her in some chores, while sister seems to be unusual lively today and keep bashing my head while I am playing some unknown games on the computer. However, I know that there's one single inconsistency that told me this is all fake, and the moment I realized, I woke up from my dream.
Hell yeah, I am now in US. All those things...are just dreams. I sat in my bed for next 5 minutes, making sure I am in the reality instead of dream, and pat myself...
" You are in US now, remember?"
And I puzzled myself through my front door, while trying to recall the feelings in my dream, and I don't even know whether it's a good dream or not. Regardless, those contents slipped through my mind...I don't really remember what was my dream...
But, it's dream about home, how bad can it be?
And I had been in the state of home-dreaming for quite a few times, and each time I realized I was now in US instead of in home, I woke up from those dreams. Even though I told myself I experienced no home-sick, and keep wondering why my friends insisting of going back during summer, and I didn't call back home on a regular basis ( yeah, bad son eh =/)...
Despite all these facts, I had to admit...
I missed home, and I wanted to go back...*sigh*
Going back home.
When I was a kid, going back home means an end to teacher's class and a hot meal awaits
When I was a teen, going back home means no more playing games in friends house and doing homeworks.
When I was an adolescent, going back home means several calls from mother at midnight while I was still chatting with my friends
I am still nowhere an adult yet, but right now for me
Going back home... is something better than " staying in friend's house to play game", is something better than "chatting with friends all day long", and it's more than just an end to class and a hot meal awaiting.
I wanted to go home...
* shrugs*, exam...now let's get moving
Hell yeah, I am now in US. All those things...are just dreams. I sat in my bed for next 5 minutes, making sure I am in the reality instead of dream, and pat myself...
" You are in US now, remember?"
And I puzzled myself through my front door, while trying to recall the feelings in my dream, and I don't even know whether it's a good dream or not. Regardless, those contents slipped through my mind...I don't really remember what was my dream...
But, it's dream about home, how bad can it be?
And I had been in the state of home-dreaming for quite a few times, and each time I realized I was now in US instead of in home, I woke up from those dreams. Even though I told myself I experienced no home-sick, and keep wondering why my friends insisting of going back during summer, and I didn't call back home on a regular basis ( yeah, bad son eh =/)...
Despite all these facts, I had to admit...
I missed home, and I wanted to go back...*sigh*
Going back home.
When I was a kid, going back home means an end to teacher's class and a hot meal awaits
When I was a teen, going back home means no more playing games in friends house and doing homeworks.
When I was an adolescent, going back home means several calls from mother at midnight while I was still chatting with my friends
I am still nowhere an adult yet, but right now for me
Going back home... is something better than " staying in friend's house to play game", is something better than "chatting with friends all day long", and it's more than just an end to class and a hot meal awaiting.
I wanted to go home...
* shrugs*, exam...now let's get moving
Sunday, March 21, 2010
A weird confession
Guess I really wanted to say it huh?
But I had no courage to say anything about it, be in facebook, or even in blog, when someone might just get upset by what you write?
Yet the feeling of blurting things out are being unbearable...
And the funniest thing, there's actually a title that suited my feelings today.
So, no-stone unturned, I would just say everything out loud and go to sleep.
Dear bloggie,
Perhaps you are the only existence that will tolerate what I said, and tolerate every single word I said. I am kinda feeling sad right now, but I don't feel like telling everyone to facebook, and I don't feel like making a new post, and letting everyone know about it. I have an image to keep, an supposed-to-be image, which I had been keeping for years.
Dear bloggie, I always say that I don't need friends. But do you know, I kinda frets out when I was alone, and I hate being a lone person. I am not as strong as I seems, being able to stay alone, and not following other people. True is, I don't want people to know I am a dependent person. I had enough of my parents scolding me because I always ask them for help. I tried to be independent, but in the end, I wasn't able to solve real problems about. There's always some friends that helped me.
Dear bloggie, do you know that I wanted company, not from people that will saying how bad you are, but just someone that enjoys having you there in the scene. However, in this new place, there's no really a person in which really like my presence. I was the presence unneeded. The eyes, the ignoring expression, it conveys more than it hurts. And I had to actually putting a cool mask, or else my ego was at risk.I never laughed, since I came here. It was always a forced grin -a society grin, and yeah, I never laughed truthfully since I was here.
Dear bloggie, I don't like my past, there are always people that bully you, that segregates you because you are a different person. Your dad was nowhere to be seen, you are a son of a noodle selling mother. Your clothes smell after hours of working, your hair curls. I feel so left behind in the class, and I never able to mix well with everybody. I never understand the latest hit, and fashion sense at all. I never seems to be like myself in the picture, or in the mirror. I was becoming an existence that I hate, because everyone around me say so.
I was never able to love myself.
Dear bloggie, i had to always make a tough expression, by telling myself I am fine being a lone person, by keep telling myself I don't need accompany. But truth is, if I am not doing this for years, I would actually crumble and cry out loud. My ego was on stake here...
I was really sad today, when someone say that i am a self-centered person, and all i do is commenting on his work. Maybe I got overboard and engaged in an argument, but I am just saying what I said...And after this, I am going to have one less friend to chat to, and I already blocked his contact in MSN. Even though I don't want the friendship to end just yet, I had no idea what to say when he popped out in MSN, and I had no idea what is he going to say, and what am i saying in response.
Dear bloggie, am I selfish? Am I really a strong person? Am I really unemotional? Do I have to blame all of my problems to people around me, or should I shoulder my pain alone?
Can I still make friends with people that called me a selfish jerk. Can I still make friends with people that tell me to buzz off or saying I am unneeded, or do I, after writing this piece, strengthening my heart, and looked things like yesterday, with a look of glinting disappointment.
Can...can I still one day laugh with friends again?
Hi bloggie, I guess after this post, nothing will change, I would have to put a mask of cool and rationality against those people to avoid being called as stupid, and put another mask of independence while I am in true needing a company,
am i getting to become a strong person, or a person that changes himself and choose to deceit himself what to do
Bloggie, thank you for listening....
Sincerely
Edward
But I had no courage to say anything about it, be in facebook, or even in blog, when someone might just get upset by what you write?
Yet the feeling of blurting things out are being unbearable...
And the funniest thing, there's actually a title that suited my feelings today.
So, no-stone unturned, I would just say everything out loud and go to sleep.
Dear bloggie,
Perhaps you are the only existence that will tolerate what I said, and tolerate every single word I said. I am kinda feeling sad right now, but I don't feel like telling everyone to facebook, and I don't feel like making a new post, and letting everyone know about it. I have an image to keep, an supposed-to-be image, which I had been keeping for years.
Dear bloggie, I always say that I don't need friends. But do you know, I kinda frets out when I was alone, and I hate being a lone person. I am not as strong as I seems, being able to stay alone, and not following other people. True is, I don't want people to know I am a dependent person. I had enough of my parents scolding me because I always ask them for help. I tried to be independent, but in the end, I wasn't able to solve real problems about. There's always some friends that helped me.
Dear bloggie, do you know that I wanted company, not from people that will saying how bad you are, but just someone that enjoys having you there in the scene. However, in this new place, there's no really a person in which really like my presence. I was the presence unneeded. The eyes, the ignoring expression, it conveys more than it hurts. And I had to actually putting a cool mask, or else my ego was at risk.I never laughed, since I came here. It was always a forced grin -a society grin, and yeah, I never laughed truthfully since I was here.
Dear bloggie, I don't like my past, there are always people that bully you, that segregates you because you are a different person. Your dad was nowhere to be seen, you are a son of a noodle selling mother. Your clothes smell after hours of working, your hair curls. I feel so left behind in the class, and I never able to mix well with everybody. I never understand the latest hit, and fashion sense at all. I never seems to be like myself in the picture, or in the mirror. I was becoming an existence that I hate, because everyone around me say so.
I was never able to love myself.
Dear bloggie, i had to always make a tough expression, by telling myself I am fine being a lone person, by keep telling myself I don't need accompany. But truth is, if I am not doing this for years, I would actually crumble and cry out loud. My ego was on stake here...
I was really sad today, when someone say that i am a self-centered person, and all i do is commenting on his work. Maybe I got overboard and engaged in an argument, but I am just saying what I said...And after this, I am going to have one less friend to chat to, and I already blocked his contact in MSN. Even though I don't want the friendship to end just yet, I had no idea what to say when he popped out in MSN, and I had no idea what is he going to say, and what am i saying in response.
Dear bloggie, am I selfish? Am I really a strong person? Am I really unemotional? Do I have to blame all of my problems to people around me, or should I shoulder my pain alone?
Can I still make friends with people that called me a selfish jerk. Can I still make friends with people that tell me to buzz off or saying I am unneeded, or do I, after writing this piece, strengthening my heart, and looked things like yesterday, with a look of glinting disappointment.
Can...can I still one day laugh with friends again?
Hi bloggie, I guess after this post, nothing will change, I would have to put a mask of cool and rationality against those people to avoid being called as stupid, and put another mask of independence while I am in true needing a company,
am i getting to become a strong person, or a person that changes himself and choose to deceit himself what to do
Bloggie, thank you for listening....
Sincerely
Edward
Monday, March 15, 2010
......
It was a sunny day, the sun was shinning brightly, birds chirping while happily flapping their wings to welcome the joyful spring. The street was full with people, and all of their faces were lit with contented face, the small city of Bluebird was full of freedom, and joy.
Yet, , there's seems to be a guy that is inconsistent with the atmosphere. He sat on his bed, trembling, his face full with fear.
" Those eyes! Eyes, they are all watching me..." He shivered with fear, and frozen, fearing that his moving finger might result to his death, brought by one of those eyes that were watching him...They might be one of the FBI that caught trail on him, or he might be one of the unknown secret agent from government that wished to shut his mouth for good.
He glanced on the medicine pack on the floor, etched with the word " Zyprexa", and those pill scattered around the whole floor.The teen looked at the pills with disgust, it was one of those medicines again, those kind of stuff that made your mind fuzzy, and ended up being the government's puppet...He's not going to fall for it. He shall remain his own sanity and mind, until his death arrived.
He sighed, everyone around him was controlled by the government. They had fall control under the government scheme, and despite his warnings, everyone seemed to be ignoring him. He's not some guy with mental illness. He's normal!...It was everyone around him that gone crazy.
And now he was alone...deprived from his family and friends...On a fraction of a second, he actually thought of eating that damned pill and gave it an end.
"If, maybe that pill was really a cure, not a...."
He dismissed his thought...He's sure of it. The whole government was aimed to eradicate him, and the only reason he survived was because they didn't want to attract attentions from public...
" Hi George, can I came in?
This is the voice of salvation. His girlfriend, that always remained truth and faithful to her. The one that always hear to his problem, and believed everything he said.
He finally unveiled his blanket, and he glanced on the window furtively, searching for an unknown enemy among those roofs and tree. After some glances, he sighed a breath of relief, and opened the door.
"Hi, dear. Did those agents on your trail? "
"George, there is something I wanted to told you."
"Yes, what is it?"
"George, you are sick. Please, there's no such thing as agent looking at us."
"But they are watching me..."
"No, there's no guard, there's no police watching over you. You are just a victim of schizophrenia... "
" Stop aligning me with people that had mental illness. I'm normal!"
"George, I had consulted doctor, and you are not yet in the chronic stage of the disease...If you will still eating those pills."
" Those pills are poison. They control your mind"
" George, listen up. I had a life. I was on a hope that our life will be like before...Please....Please...eat the medicine...I....I.."
The girl apparently unable his sentence, cried and ran away
The stiffened jaws of him loosens. It was the first time he saw his beloved girl cried. Hundredth of times they involved in an argument, yet it was the first time she cried...His beloved girl, that supported him in times of trouble...and yet, he made her cry.
His heart softened, blaming himself for being a jerk, he swallowed the pill.
The eyes that watched him vanished, and he had his sleep finally, after 3 days on being in the alert state...He dream himself being with his girlfriend, and as....
He woke up, suddenly, to find that the presence of people watching him began more intense. At the same time, voices of people banging the door were heard...It;s getting louder, the door won't hold another minute!!
I had to escape, he told himself, and he leaped out of the window.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Youth killed himself because of Mental disease
Bluebird. march 13 1951. George Oswell, a 16 years old teen, was found dead in front of his apartment. Primary investigation by police showed that there's no sign of forceful entry, and account by witness showed that there's no visitor or stranger coming to victim's room.
No suspicious object was found on victim's room, and no weapons are founded. Therefore, the possibility of poison or weapons are eliminated. In present, police believed that the victim had suffered from mental illness, but there's a insufficient evidence to confirm police's belief.
" There's no a shadow of doubt that the youth killed himself, no weapon and suspicious object, no sign of infiltration and strangers in the past 12 hours. Therefore, the police concluded it was a suicide case. The motive was unknown, but the police believed that the victim suffered from mental disease.........................
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
there's one down
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Bandwidth war part 2
Case 2: Down- Thomson Paradox
Don't UPGRADE UR BANDWIDTH lol
6 people lived in an apartment, and they subscribed internet and shared among 6 of them. 4 of them are heavy streamers that like to stream video, one of them is a freaky gamer and another one was a blogbloglophilie.
The freaky gamer noticed almost everytime, his gaming experience wasn't a good one, and he realized that it was those streamer's fault that selfishly stream video without caring on other's need on internet usage. The gamer shouts at those streamers occasionally to alleviate his situation,and those streamers felt guilt at times, and stop their streaming...
Finally, the blogbloglophilie, the gamer, and the 4 streamers are extremely unsatisfied with current bandwidth, and after thorough discussion...they decide to upgrade their bandwidth...
And after upgrading his bandwidth, his gaming experience was truly great. However, he soon noticed the speed of gaming decreases, and the bandwidth sucks to the point that blogbloglophilie cannot blog well. And both the gamers and blogphilie felt weird. They phoned their ISP and the ISP confirmed that their bandwidth is upgraded.....
But, the bandwidth speed somehow worst than before @.@.....both of them noticed.......and the 4 streamers also noticed that their streaming performance is better before they upgrade their bandwidth......
Why so?
Hint#: The ISP do upgrade their bandwidth, and the clue is lied somewhere...lol
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't UPGRADE UR BANDWIDTH lol
6 people lived in an apartment, and they subscribed internet and shared among 6 of them. 4 of them are heavy streamers that like to stream video, one of them is a freaky gamer and another one was a blogbloglophilie.
The freaky gamer noticed almost everytime, his gaming experience wasn't a good one, and he realized that it was those streamer's fault that selfishly stream video without caring on other's need on internet usage. The gamer shouts at those streamers occasionally to alleviate his situation,and those streamers felt guilt at times, and stop their streaming...
Finally, the blogbloglophilie, the gamer, and the 4 streamers are extremely unsatisfied with current bandwidth, and after thorough discussion...they decide to upgrade their bandwidth...
And after upgrading his bandwidth, his gaming experience was truly great. However, he soon noticed the speed of gaming decreases, and the bandwidth sucks to the point that blogbloglophilie cannot blog well. And both the gamers and blogphilie felt weird. They phoned their ISP and the ISP confirmed that their bandwidth is upgraded.....
But, the bandwidth speed somehow worst than before @.@.....both of them noticed.......and the 4 streamers also noticed that their streaming performance is better before they upgrade their bandwidth......
Why so?
Hint#: The ISP do upgrade their bandwidth, and the clue is lied somewhere...lol
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, March 8, 2010
Bandwidth war part 1
This is a post made after reading some wikipedia post, and also hearing some complaint from my friend about internet speed. He complains about internet speed being sluggish because his friend is downloading, therefore, making his internet browsing suffers...And I made a few variation to makes thing more interesting.
Case 1 - Prisoner dilemma
Cases: Suppose, there are two students staying in a room, the room was equipped with a wifi, and both of them pay equal amount of money to use the internet. However, both students did not know each other and thus they rarely talk much about problem.
And thus, one of the students is know as Mr. H. He wanted to download anime and games. However, he wanted to browse internet as well because he need to browse internet to do his homework.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He realizes this phenomena occur
1. If he downloads anime and his roommate doesn't, his download speed will plum high (skyrocket 1MB per second!) and while downloading, he can browse internet smoothly as well
2. If he did not download anime, but his roommate does, he will be unable to surf internet smoothly (speed of browsing = Cemara browsing speed)
3. If both of them download at the same time, he would be unable to browse the net. However, at least the download is still running at a 10kb speed ( better than none , A say )
4. If both of them did not download, both of them are able to browse the internet.
And recently, Mr.H wanted to watch an anime named "higurashi", which has a space of 1GB. But at the same time, he wanted to browse the net ( to msn with gf, to go facebook and garena etc etc )
And thus he thinks....
" I noticed that my roommate also like to download anime...but I really wanted to download that anime le. If I stop downloading, and if my roommate download, i won;t be able to go facebook. If he downloads and I download , I would also be unable to browse internet, but at least, my anime was downloading at a 20kb speed....better than none. But if my roommate did not download at all, I can browse the net and download freely YEAH!
And so, Mr, H formulate a graph
I download, my fren dun download - 10MB download speed + browse internet
I download, my fren also download - 20kb download speed + no internet browsing
I dun download, my fren download - no download + no browsing.
And H say. looking the situation, download > no download.....
And so, H decides to open xunlei when he browse internet......
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
However, the thing H doesn't realize is, his roommate was thinking the same thing too. And his roommate was thinking the same thing too. So both of them download= result - 20kb download speed + KNS browsing speed....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
However, if both of them decide not to download, at least both of them are able to browse internet........
Case 1 - Prisoner dilemma
Cases: Suppose, there are two students staying in a room, the room was equipped with a wifi, and both of them pay equal amount of money to use the internet. However, both students did not know each other and thus they rarely talk much about problem.
And thus, one of the students is know as Mr. H. He wanted to download anime and games. However, he wanted to browse internet as well because he need to browse internet to do his homework.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He realizes this phenomena occur
1. If he downloads anime and his roommate doesn't, his download speed will plum high (skyrocket 1MB per second!) and while downloading, he can browse internet smoothly as well
2. If he did not download anime, but his roommate does, he will be unable to surf internet smoothly (speed of browsing = Cemara browsing speed)
3. If both of them download at the same time, he would be unable to browse the net. However, at least the download is still running at a 10kb speed ( better than none , A say )
4. If both of them did not download, both of them are able to browse the internet.
And recently, Mr.H wanted to watch an anime named "higurashi", which has a space of 1GB. But at the same time, he wanted to browse the net ( to msn with gf, to go facebook and garena etc etc )
And thus he thinks....
" I noticed that my roommate also like to download anime...but I really wanted to download that anime le. If I stop downloading, and if my roommate download, i won;t be able to go facebook. If he downloads and I download , I would also be unable to browse internet, but at least, my anime was downloading at a 20kb speed....better than none. But if my roommate did not download at all, I can browse the net and download freely YEAH!
And so, Mr, H formulate a graph
I download, my fren dun download - 10MB download speed + browse internet
I download, my fren also download - 20kb download speed + no internet browsing
I dun download, my fren download - no download + no browsing.
And H say. looking the situation, download > no download.....
And so, H decides to open xunlei when he browse internet......
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
However, the thing H doesn't realize is, his roommate was thinking the same thing too. And his roommate was thinking the same thing too. So both of them download= result - 20kb download speed + KNS browsing speed....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
However, if both of them decide not to download, at least both of them are able to browse internet........
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
River Flows in you
After listening the tune, I just hoped that I could someday played the song with a piano...
Piano class...I'm so going to learn how to play!
Monday, February 15, 2010
New Year Wish
I dunno whether wishes and resolutions made in celebrated day will come true, but if it will, my wish is......
I hope I had more resolutions to start workout in gym, especially gym is only miles away
T_T
>.<
Well, at this rate, I gonna kill myself, so the unknown force and power....
drove the laziness away from me...
* Or else I will GG in midwest game * >.<
I hope I had more resolutions to start workout in gym, especially gym is only miles away
T_T
>.<
Well, at this rate, I gonna kill myself, so the unknown force and power....
drove the laziness away from me...
* Or else I will GG in midwest game * >.<
Friday, February 12, 2010
Chinese New Year....
***5 years ago****
Early 6 A.M. ......
Snore...Snore...mumbling in dreams...
WAKE UP LO! NEED TO WORK! WORK!!!!!!!
Aiya, 6AM only mah, usually i thought work starts at 7AM.....
CHINESE NEW YEAR AH. We need to wake up earlier la.....
And thus, this is my childhood Chinese New Year memories. Waking up earlier, Working twice harder, and feeling more tired than usual. Perhaps, it was the reason why part of me resist Chinese New Year. And while people view this traditional day as a day they celebrated, letting off the stress in work and mixing around, I believed Chinese New Year is the day when I accumulated stress, mainly because of massive amount of customers, and also complaints from those customers that act like boss
Aiyo, where is my food! 15 minutes already la
Yes Yes, your food will be coming soon...
(deep in heart): niama! You had no idea how busy I am. I had more work to do, thanks to those customers like you.
We grumbled among each other more than usual, ranging from mother scolding me for taking a 1 minute reading news, to me scolding my sister because of messing up customer's list. ( and of course, there are times I shouted at my mother.) There are times I got emo-ed and refused to work, there are times of anger looming up the atmosphere. There are times I just wished chinese New Year vanished into thin air. But despite that....
I worked from day 1 to day 7 along with the rest of family. The anger during work, no matter how loud the cursing is, vanished after the work's done. The happiness looms in our face when we received the pay for our hard work, ( rm10 for 5 hours is enough to satisfy me), and despite the tiredness, I am still able to bounce around, asking angpau from family and friend's parent, ans glued in TV whole night...Until I suffered next day because of insufficient sleep.
And after few days, I would look at the money I obtained,, and I will start thinking of plans...such as saving money to buy PS2, PC, etc etc, even though RM100 is all I got, OOPS, and 75% goes to my account, my mother regulation...And as usual the RM 25 just gone poof-ed few days later, and my dream of a PS2 poof-ed as well.
************************************************************************
The younger me used to feel jealous on my peers that had a normal Chinese new year, they can glued to the TV whole day long, and hanging out with families to some luxurious shopping complex, or even going to vacations, while I was stuck in my mother's shop, serving those happy customers with a bad mood...
But I didn't realize. If I would had undergone the usual routine Chinese New Year. I would had enjoyed the first 1-2 day, and getting bored at the 3rd day as I glued in the TV channel and spamming my mouth with those junk food.Precisely because the holiday ( mother granted ) in Chinese New Year is a rare occasion, I never ceased to make interesting schedule during those days
----> mostly it's about cycling 5-6 km , asking for angpao from friends. While normal friends seems to be confused with my deed, there are true friends that are equally as enthusiastic as me to cycle 5-6 km in search for angpao.
Even though it's an RM8 (for 5-6 km cycling and 5-6 hours), it's always something I would do each year...
**************************************************************************
Now I am in US, and ironically, my dreams of " relaxing " in Chinese New Year became true. But still, I enjoyed those working days and cycling days back in Malaysia. Even though it means less comfort, more hard work, it was nevertheless something I will miss.
My chinese New Year was a CNY lack of Yee-Sang and bakkua, loads of work, but I doubt without those years of hardwork, I might as well ended as a spoil brat without any respect to working attitude. And glad-fully, I am the one that curse the lazy bumps instead of being the lazy bumps itself.
To those customers that I greeted " Gong Xi F*** chai ", may you have a Gong Xi Fa Chai Year.
And happy CNY
Early 6 A.M. ......
Snore...Snore...mumbling in dreams...
WAKE UP LO! NEED TO WORK! WORK!!!!!!!
Aiya, 6AM only mah, usually i thought work starts at 7AM.....
CHINESE NEW YEAR AH. We need to wake up earlier la.....
And thus, this is my childhood Chinese New Year memories. Waking up earlier, Working twice harder, and feeling more tired than usual. Perhaps, it was the reason why part of me resist Chinese New Year. And while people view this traditional day as a day they celebrated, letting off the stress in work and mixing around, I believed Chinese New Year is the day when I accumulated stress, mainly because of massive amount of customers, and also complaints from those customers that act like boss
Aiyo, where is my food! 15 minutes already la
Yes Yes, your food will be coming soon...
(deep in heart): niama! You had no idea how busy I am. I had more work to do, thanks to those customers like you.
We grumbled among each other more than usual, ranging from mother scolding me for taking a 1 minute reading news, to me scolding my sister because of messing up customer's list. ( and of course, there are times I shouted at my mother.) There are times I got emo-ed and refused to work, there are times of anger looming up the atmosphere. There are times I just wished chinese New Year vanished into thin air. But despite that....
I worked from day 1 to day 7 along with the rest of family. The anger during work, no matter how loud the cursing is, vanished after the work's done. The happiness looms in our face when we received the pay for our hard work, ( rm10 for 5 hours is enough to satisfy me), and despite the tiredness, I am still able to bounce around, asking angpau from family and friend's parent, ans glued in TV whole night...Until I suffered next day because of insufficient sleep.
And after few days, I would look at the money I obtained,, and I will start thinking of plans...such as saving money to buy PS2, PC, etc etc, even though RM100 is all I got, OOPS, and 75% goes to my account, my mother regulation...And as usual the RM 25 just gone poof-ed few days later, and my dream of a PS2 poof-ed as well.
************************************************************************
The younger me used to feel jealous on my peers that had a normal Chinese new year, they can glued to the TV whole day long, and hanging out with families to some luxurious shopping complex, or even going to vacations, while I was stuck in my mother's shop, serving those happy customers with a bad mood...
But I didn't realize. If I would had undergone the usual routine Chinese New Year. I would had enjoyed the first 1-2 day, and getting bored at the 3rd day as I glued in the TV channel and spamming my mouth with those junk food.Precisely because the holiday ( mother granted ) in Chinese New Year is a rare occasion, I never ceased to make interesting schedule during those days
----> mostly it's about cycling 5-6 km , asking for angpao from friends. While normal friends seems to be confused with my deed, there are true friends that are equally as enthusiastic as me to cycle 5-6 km in search for angpao.
Even though it's an RM8 (for 5-6 km cycling and 5-6 hours), it's always something I would do each year...
**************************************************************************
Now I am in US, and ironically, my dreams of " relaxing " in Chinese New Year became true. But still, I enjoyed those working days and cycling days back in Malaysia. Even though it means less comfort, more hard work, it was nevertheless something I will miss.
My chinese New Year was a CNY lack of Yee-Sang and bakkua, loads of work, but I doubt without those years of hardwork, I might as well ended as a spoil brat without any respect to working attitude. And glad-fully, I am the one that curse the lazy bumps instead of being the lazy bumps itself.
To those customers that I greeted " Gong Xi F*** chai ", may you have a Gong Xi Fa Chai Year.
And happy CNY
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