Darker than night, hotter and bitter than the hell itself, it is...

*weird tunes playing...Godot's theme....*

Before I met thee

The world I've seen

is always in the darkest void then I can't imagine

in my calculus

or my business class

or in the darkest night

   as lone guy alonely doing final struggling

Yearning to freedom of the darkness

Fate sets meeting and you and me

you are

Darker than any moonless night I could imagined

hotter and bitter than any hell you 've imagined

Yet since then

I can't live without you...

Without realizing

I'm indulged in your darkness 

darker than the reality

Dark you might be

Thou shed light in my calculus

Providing a helpless soul with a ray of light

even though darkness in approaching

in the coldest class listening to Kamal's cold joke

You gave me strength in unexpected way

so that I could had survived

under the fury of differentials and integrals

Yet

ur enchanting darkness

was also source of my hell

I lost too much because of you

My belongings, my result

were all at the verge of diminishing

And sometimes

because of your darkness

I experienced the world than hell itself

the same darkness that brought me to heaven

brought me to hell

Life might have been better without you

but it's defnitely worst without you

It had to be you

My beloved

(I'm sure that most people had already thought something out of the box,..)

It had to be you

My dear coffee......

Lolz, I am just new to coffee, but thanks to it, I barely able to survive during calculus class without falling asleep, yet the same coffee caused me to lost my phone, almost missed my test and etc etc...

Before ending this post, I think I should had quoted the coffee-philosopher, Godot ( a character in Ace attorney series about coffee...)

-"Darker than the night... Hotter and more bitter than Hell itself... That is coffee."

- Blacker than the blackest black, it's coffee

- All men wear masks - whether it be over their faces, or over their hearts... (unrelated to coffee, but I like his quote)

-A coffee’s most reliable accomplice is its deep and profound aroma…

-The bitter darkness that lies at the bottom of this mug

-If your mug is filled with black and bitter suspicions…The only way to get rid of them is to drink them down quick…… Like this

-…Humans are afraid of the dark.And yet… At the same time, we’re fascinated and bewitched by it.

Maybe that’s why humans drink the darkness that is coffee. 

-Men that are trapped by the chains of “Maybe”… (Next line) … can never reach their dreams! (again unrelated)

Done...

*godot's theme, darkness of the fragant coffee tuned again...

STPM

wince, 3 minutes left, and my pc gone...

I'm try my best

Congratz, for my STPM form 6 fren, even though u all seemed to be giving up on the test, dota after Pengajian Am,and etc, etc, gasp, ur guys result are fabolous!!

wai lap- 4A (expected...)
chee a.k.a teenjay 3A one B (seriously, without this evil guy like me loitering around, u sure can study well, izzit

and also congratz on queeni ni, (u said , a free meal when I back to Ipoh) and also yuh luan, for 3A= 1A-.

I'm nt doing that well, errmm.., but congratz

JPP rocks!!

A sip of the bitter coffee

I had lots of things to say, yet somehow, I found myself clueless on the computer screen...

And I had to realize that, once I typed something emotional, chances are high that lots of people. unimaginable of me, will read this blog post, and looked @.@ when next time they see me walking alone in cemara...

Hmm, I just said that, I had some emotional downturns lately, and, you could say, I emo-ed, after sipped a bitter coffee of my personality.

I have just realized, I don't have the courage to stand what I believe, what I love, as the matter of fact, I was in the state of self- blaming for the past.

I am not brave in certain matter, and thus, I prefer solitude over everything else

Well, I need time to chill, perhaps, embarking on a journey of finding who I really am, but well, meantime, I can still smile when people greeted me, and right now, I was studying cal 3, thinking about assignments at the same time.

Emotions are emotions, works are works, no matter how sad you are, you still get to work. I am amazed how I can do this on a emotional downturns

Dun worry, guys, I just need a break, and sip this bitter coffee until I grew used to it. Call me for tennis game, (but not badminton, I lost my SID), or futsal, or DoTA (after my cal3 test and assignment done) if you wanted, like the old days. I can still laugh, and enjoyed the game.

Solitude, and emotions are mine...

And so do, the bitter coffee...

Maybe one day, I would like the aroma of the coffee, but right now, it is just bitter...

Gulp*

(at least I dun have to worry Uni...)

Luck

Am I lucky, am I not?

I might sound ignorant if I've said I'm unlucky, cuz it takes more than just luck to get admitted to JPA and get admission into an US uni

(btw, I had prayed hard to get into juz one uni, and always mumbled, "I rather had hard luck as long as I get into a uni, and though the uni for admission is only Minnesota twin cities, I am more than grateful enough to accept it, well, chau kee, u didn't know how desperate it is when u study two years and get into no uni, u juz dunno...)

But am I a lucky person?

losing his SID last week, losing kia tzun's pendrive in my own room,...always late at the day of wednesday (which happens to be today), and to make it worse, i'd been late in n. Ruzela's class.

*hearing grumble from pn. ruzela for not bringing lcd projector*...

And the grumble continues, Studied 12 questions out of 13 questions for quiz, and the 13th question will always appear in quiz instead of the 12th questions. And even for now, i am damn starved cuz i left my wallet somewhere in cj 's room..., not to mention, sth hairy is happening on my laptop, and

tonnes of thing to do, cal test, literature term paper, physic quiz, and my "beloved" (it happens that the novel is entitled "beloved", but it is definitely NOT my beloved novel") novel is still far from finnish- (one chapter of novel- 200++pages @.@)

To conclude, am I lucky or not, I am not lucky, but all my unluckiness seems to result from my own clumsiness, so in the end, is it really luck that matters?

Nah, I'll rather blame it on luck, cuz I dun have the courage to do a haul-over to my current personality. Life had been unkind to me in some way, but still, I am alive and kicking (not kicking, but crapping). The fact that i can still accompany CJ to shop ( and why me??) proves that I am still ok from those unlucky events that happens around me.

And seriosuly, I am tempted wanted to whack people that emo for some "IMPORTANTREASONS". Not as if you "f*** ur quiz", u lost stuffs so frequent that u had get used to it, or u fucked up ur uni application and etc...etc...

Some people juz dunno to be grateful, is it?

Maybe I am one...

(Btw, congratz for CJ and hope that he'll be grateful. I had done some ads to him, ya know, and I'm the last one to know.) Maybe I am just like to gossip too much, but too, I know my limits. )

Untitled

Scars

I always had urges to reflect, to think, to think back of the past, reviewing myself from all my past deeds, my past speeches, and acts. Often, it hurts, like an invisible blade that struck through my heart, and the world seems to be void of air for the tiny sec.

            “It’s already past. Don’t think too much about it. It’s already over.” This is what I told myself as I gave a big whack to my own head; pain enough so that it will bring me back to the reality. My head gets a big bump, and the scar disappeared.

            Perhaps, the real thing I scared about is not the memories itself, but deep inside, there’s a fearful feeling that those things will happen again in one of the distant futures, and once again, I would be the devil in the story, causing havoc and distrust again.

            But still, I liked to reflect to myself. Even though it might hurt, it is always better to have a scar, to remind myself of the past thing I did, so that I won’t repeat it in future, so that I won’t cause an injury to others. However, there are times that I thought those scars had disappeared, caused either by temporary emotional feelings, or ignorance, and I will repeat those dreadful things again. And the scar goes deeper and deeper. A deeper scar was bared, and until one time when those scars are forgotten, tragedy would once again occur, and the cycle happens again.

            The scars might be painful, but it is way much painless than the injury it costs. The scars must not be forgotten, as though it might hurts. And pray that one day I get numb with those scars around…

            One who forgets history tends to repeat it.

 

Misconception

            Often I had a thought. “Do people around me really understand who I am?” And often the answers I told myself is a No, and I would either felt solitude for a second, or either a feeling of satisfaction would arise, and praising myself for able to conceal myself well.

            But days ago, something happens due to some events and etc, like a series of chain, that makes me rethink again. Do people really not understand me? Or perhaps, I’m the one that I don’t understand myself…

            I had once thought that what people thought about me is wrong, but come to think about it again, it might be I’m the one that wrong.

            I am someone that “unreliable, clueless, have little sense of responsible, naïve-thinking, like to poke into people secret and gossip around about it, and had a tendency to say wrong things in a wrong time.”

            And bet cha people might think something like this, “He’s the guy if u wants an extra person for DoTA, futsal or labor work. But don’t ever depend on this fella if you wanted to get important things messed up.”

            I used to think that they are wrong, but come to think about it, the opposite might be the truth, at least after someone that I least expected give me a big whack of the whole things that happened.

            And if you want to comment that what I write is wrong, think AGAIN. It is either you are not being truthful to yourself, or you just don’t understand me well. If you are thinking that you understand me better through this post, THINK AGAIN. You are just being fed with someone own opinion and confusion.

           

Emo

            And let me guess, some of you might think that this guy had gone emotional. Well, it might be true, but here again, I think that you guys term of “emo” might not be suitable in my case.

            Emo is the term that you used when someone had undergone a change of feeling of sad, and unable to get things done because of the overwhelming feeling of sadness. It might cause a change of attitude and etc.

            Well, it doesn’t apply to me. I did not really undergo any change of feeling. I am not an optimistic person, but definitely not a pessimist. I am not happy all of time, but it doesn’t mean that I am sad all the time. Well, I am just thinking. I still can get things done and even go for sports. Is it “ok” for a person that is emo-ing? For a person that had been accustomed to pessimism, it is already a habit for him not to be happy, and he won’t know that he is not happy either. You get it?

            So, I am not emo-ing, or, maybe I am, cuz I dun really know myself much. But still, there are times I wanted to express something, well, maybe you could say me emo then during those times.

            I ‘m not emo-ing, so don’t accustomed myself with those people that trapped in the emo-chain, or commented something like get well soon…