Friday, May 23, 2008

I am 18 le. Can c porn and smoke...(ehh, I tot u r 20 ald)

For your information, i had finally passed 18 yesterday.

It was so free!!!

Before this, I was EXCEPTIONALLY pissed off when I came to cinema because I can always c something like in an cinema...

18SG- this movie is for 18 only because it contains etc etc etc...

Not to mention when it comes to blood donation campaign, i can always see some notice like this.

"If you're 18 and below, please obtain parent's consent before proceeding..."

Now I can say bye bye to this irritating stuff.

CUZ I AM 18 FINALLY. ( and Miss Yuinyi, plz take attention. I am just 18 this year, Makau.)

However, it doesn't mean that I can go buy porn, smoke etc etc. I had to take responsibilities for my own action. (besides that if i go to smoke now i might just die from a asthma attack...)

OK...OK...

I think I still owe a speech during my yesterday's birthday and since that my Advance Compo is higher than my PCO, I would like to convey my speech in words...(like that also can......)

Good afternoon I bid to Wei Young (that is so frugal but still go Pak Li because of me), Cheng Kuan(which is quite unexpected), Chau Kee( that think I should go Ausmat Cafe to celebrate instead), Yon Chiet( did I spell wrong?), Sam and the Gang (and also Hoong ching my Ex roommate ^.^), Sharon and Sanddy (which I still wonder, whether they are the flowers or cow du**(censored)), and also Hafidz chan (that looks a little bit boring because yuinyi isn't there)

I was very honored (konon) because you guys go to Pak Li to celebrate( though everytime also go Pak Li.) And thanks for the choclate cake. It was so .....CHOCOLATE. (but for your information, the strawberries I ate are all sour, u get it la Sanddy.)

And also "thanks" for Wei young, Chau Kee, and Yon Chiet and Cheng Kuan for keep teasing me throughout the celebration. It made me laugh sampai sakit perut. ( I won't go PJ street to buy p*** stuff, so u go buy la, I prefer download p*** stuff from internet. LOL JUZ KIDDING.)

Also especially thanks to Cheng Kuan and CJ for buying the chocalate cake. (I tot u wan to date with s****** le when u say u wan to leave.)

Not to mention I need to "THANKS" all of you for forcing me to wear that hat and ESCORT me all the way.

It was so fun last night.

OOPS, almost forget Miss YuinYi( and Mei Yueh) nice cream puff. Though there is only one (which only enough for my supper), it was so nicccceeeeee......

( Yuinyi, ur bro also birthday yesterday, such coincedence. It means that people that have their birthday yesterday are destined for greatness hahaha (flatter myself pulak)). But for ur information someone looks bored because u didn't join us. ( I didn't say it was you hafidz, lol)
JUST KIDDING LA....


Thats all for my speech, if i really wanted to continue crapping I would miss the bus back to Ipoh

Lastly,...

THANKS FOR THE MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY U GUYS GIVE. REALLY REALLY THANKS.

ARIGGATOU GOZAIYIMASHU

Laptop laptop

First of all, I was too glad because my birthday wish has come true...YEAH ^_^

What wish?

My laptop has been recovered and will be available today.

So no more begging Azizi to borrow his "FATHER" laptop and following his strict curfew hours for laptop. Also I can say bye bye to "dotaking seeming endless bragging of his dota skill" because I will just run to my laptop when he do so.

Not to mention I am finally free from someone sarcastic comment like this...

Mr.Wxx Yxxxx : Eh, why dun u bring ur laptop to online...ehhh, sorry 4got u dun have a laptop. Lol. ( and dunno how many times he deliberately make this "mistake")

Mr. Kxxx Hxx : Lets play dota lo. Ahh, forgot ur laptop are still under repair...=.=

However, I would like to express my gratitude to Azizi my housemate for borrowing me a laptop just for my gaming purpose. I had borrowed my laptop countless times and nobody borrowed me back in return.

Thanks again azizi for borrowin me ur laptop, regardless of curfew laws and ur rules, you are the only one that borrowed me ur laptop. I can't even get it from my so-called (SO-CALLED) good friend.

And also thanks again for tolerating my OCD (obsessive Compulsive Disorder) for DoTA and my numerous nagging (which I found irritating also) sometimes.

It seems like I had learnt something valauble (perhaps something cruel) lesson in this 3 week.

DUN DEPEND ON ANYONE (THAT MEANS EVEN UR FREN BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE IS RELIABLE EXCEPT URSELF)

I still remember one ocassion when I used a fren laptop for typing my assignment.

" wah, ur hard drive ot virus or not. Dun simply put on my laptop ah."

I assured him that I am quite computer-savvy people. Not to mention he himself got a quite-well antivirus installed in his laptop.

However, I don't think I can count how many naggings he gave to me before I can finally type my psychology assignment and submit it.

And in case the fren I mentioned is reading this blog, I would like to say one thing.

I was quite disappointed and I am not hate to admit it.

Finally, I can say goodbye to this kind of life.

However, if anyone requires my laptop or my assistence( such as games installer or wanting a dota laptop etc ), i would still lend my hand if possible.

Because I dun wan other else to reach the same conclusion like mine.

Before I finished crapping, I would like to quote a famous saying that my mom have been teaching me.

"If u are living under someone's roof, you have to lower ur head,"

(Nevertheless thanks azizi for giving me a hand and break his parents' rule just to borrow me laptop)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Looking urself from an unbiased view

I found quite an interesting book during my voluntary work in SABS temple at Wesak Day. The way who the book is written strike me profoundly (though I didn't finish the book...). The book was entitled "the four Noble truth.

But before that, I need to clarify one point. I am not a staunch Buddhist as you guys might think. I might consider myself as a skeptic, or even an atheist. Strictly speaking, I didn't consider myself as a follower of any religion.

And maybe because of that I was not shackled by any religion's bias . Only because of that I can view other religions from an unbiased point of view. It might be ok for me to glance through the verses of Quran and Bible without any bias. I would rather view religions as a researcher or student view, rather as a believer. Regardless of existence of god, I believed that there are wisdoms inside every religion that we should study.

And if that so some people might ask me why am I joining the dharma talk almost every Sunday and participated in certain activities of Buddhism...

True is, I viewed Buddhism as a way to live, not as a religion. And while listening to the talks, I might gain something which might prove useful in my life. Dharma talk is not about something religion term- sophisticated stuff, it was just something related to our daily life such as how to relieve stress.

I might not know how this karma thingy works, but at least I know something useful throughout the session.

Ok, back to the topic. (if this post is too religious kindly let me know so that I will do sth to this.)

The book talks about suffering....

Suffering?

Yep, it is quite some sophisticated stuff. Suffering is not defined as extreme suffer such as you are smacked by a 10000tonne stuff, or extreme tragic fate. It is about impermanence, unsatisfactoriness that we might deal in our daily life.

For example, " I think I get fat, I need to diet again," by a miss yuin yi that had just finished her KFC. She is not satisfied, then she is suffering...

.............???????( even i get confused)

And most of us tend to get angry or sad because we tend to associate the unsatisfactoriness with themselves. For example, we keep to say that sorrow is our sorrow, problem is my problem etc. However is that any difference between your sadness and other sadness? Is Mr. A feeling of sadness differs? No, it's the same.

And by knowing that you can see sadness not as your own, and then only you will acknowledge it better, from a third eye view when you can see your problem clearly...

And suddenly I had an "weird" idea. Can people view themselves as others, or simply speaking, can people view themselves from an unbiased view?

Try an example. You're dumped by your girlfriend and out of anger you smacked her to unconscious. You might justify your act by saying "she being unfaithful to me, and she deserve it etc.

Even though from third point of view, you're just a guy that is being unsatisfied and childish. But will you think of sth like that?

No...most probably......and you will come out with lots of reason to justify your own action.

You might be thinking I do this because of etc etc even though from unbiased view you are just being selfish.

Believe me, it is hard to do "looking urself from unbiased view" because we are often restricted by the frame "I"

But if we can do that, we might attain some invaluable wisdoms and knowledge about life, as well as a confidence of your own act and knowledge in every moment.

This is the concept of "non-self"

Hope you can correct me if any details mistake and it is not religious post despite the word "buddhism" it is only a philosophical point of view.

ZZZZZZ I still have much to learn.....
Publish Post

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Happy?

A quote from Miss Yuin Yi blog

What I don't understand is, how anyone can be so negative looking at life. Are there really no reasons to be happy? How can there be NO reasons to be happy? Nil? Big fat zero? Be sad for all you want over something, but NO reasons to be happy? How can that be? Are there really no solutions, no way out of sorrow......

I had been asking this question to myself a lot of time...

Why can't you just feel happy to yourself sometimes? Why it was always the typical cursing, the typical "old bored " face, the typical harsh comment....

I still remember how my friends sad after I addressed them as mere "acquaintence"......

I'm not sure whether Yuin Yi was refering me, but I'm think I am one of the people that just can't find the reason...

"Why should you happy?"

Another quote from friend during trips to Penang...
"You're the youngest among four of us, yet you look like the oldest people among us. Nobody will believe you if you said you're not eighteen...

Then only I realized that my pesimism had really take a toll on me, so powerful that it even change my look...I looked at the mirror and somehow the word ols and "pesimism" is written on my face...

And after all these years, I believe that I had forgotten how to smile, perhaps the only thing I can do is a bitter grin...

"Jin Khang, smile more, not like that, a king should be happy, not like that,"--A quote from the frustated director of Ko-Pln...

However, how desperate it seems, I just can't smile happily...all i can is just a bitter grin...

And I always wondered why Hafidz and Yuin Yi can smile so much just after they played a frisbee game...

I had been looking this world in a sad perspective, perhaps part of them maybe is because of my sad past...however, my friend had once, cannot tolerate my "So Pesimistic" view said something like this...

"You think that you're the unluckiest guy in the world...You think you're the only one that had been teased by people all the time...You think that we haven't expereienced what you feel. Though I don't really know what you had experienced, as you never tell us before,"

"But you're not the only one that experienced misfortune..."

And the friend that I viewed him as optimistic, had made me speechless the whole night in Penang

Lastly, I still remember a question from Miss Sharifah, my psychology lecturer......It is not really a question directed to me, but it seems that I can't find any answer to him...

"why must we be happy?"

While everyone else keep answering the question, I just can't find a single clue from my mind to say...

I wanted to be happy because..................why?

Perhaps I was not contented with life
Perhaps I like to be trapped in a mindset "you're unlucky"
Perhaps I can't let my past burden go
Perhaps I was get used to be not to happy
Perhaps...Perhaps...I was having a psychological disease even......

Perhaps I should feel contented
Perhaps I should throw away the old past
Perhaps I should feel appreciative
Perhaps...Perhaps...I should see a counsellor =.=

Is that any reason to be happy?

Perhaps I had to think...

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Cyclone of life

I'm bored. I'm sleepy. I'm a figure that walked without a soul. I am a part of nothing.
(feelings quoted by me during the psychology class)

I only experienced this type of feeling once during my working periods, when my goal of life was just mere work, sleep and taking wages. Days seems like nothing and meaningless, and each passing day does not differ of each other.

During those dark three months, everyday was just same, repetitive, except the only change was the number in the calendar.

Sorry to spoil your mood, I experienced this typical feeling during the summer semester.

Everyday, I woke up, eat, and what to do? sleep again, until I passed another day......

I had wondered is there anything to do. All of sudden, there is no sorrow, no hope , no ambition and no worries...

All of sudden, my life was a dark void.

AI had to admit that I almost choked in my spring semester when the life was more than hectic and sorrow was more than just a bundle.

But i know at least I had a goal when i woke up
-Rushing for research paper
-studying for quiz
-calculus

At least there was something to keep me in mind. Though it was busy, I felt that I at least lived my life to the fullest.

Life was suffocating
Like a cyclone that beats me relentlessly
And unimaginable bruises inflected over me

Accidentally
I stepped into the core of cyclone
Suddenly, there was no more cyclone
No more noise, no more bruises
A unknown nothingness in front of me

There is no light and no darkness
Just an endless of peacefulness
Suddenly, everything I cared, I hoped, I worried
Was so insignificant
Everything is so unimportant, even breathing
Air from nostril seems does not matter anymore

I braced myself once again
To step out the cyclone of life I once feared
Though I know I will once again full of injury and pain
But
At least I know I was still able to breath
To be myself once again

Monday, May 5, 2008

I love cendana

I was typing this blog in the CC of cemara, with my both legs and hands trembling ( because of asthma medicine )

I was quite aware that the CC charge 2 bucks for each hour (compared to cendana FREE CC with better performance). Yet, I was severely bitten by some unknown bug and thus I blogged again.
(not before I peeked for Yuin Yi and Pison blog...)

Why not CJ???blog .this fella got a new blog with hidden URL and now his current blog is ntg except Chelsea VS Arsenal.....(and everything is Chelsea).

And I would like to post a reward for people that able to track down CJ new blog's URL and the reward is..........a keropok lekor in cemara................=.=

Back to the topic. I had been the new inhabitants of this cemara hostel, as you might aware. I was not really carving on going to cemara, unlike someone....

Direct quote: We must move to cemara as soon as possible. By CJ

And I think he tuuuuuuuuuut the most right after he moved into cemara.

For the cemara inhabitants ( and also to any ex cendanians ). I would like to say that cemara is not that good afterall (at least in my point of view). Why?

I risked of being killed by my blog readers, as I believed that they are the cemara community, whether old or new...and let my grumbling begins...

Point 1 of staying in Cemara---There are GIRLS in cemara!!!
It is true somehow and I believed that compared to Giant and Ole Ole, this is the REAL main ATTRACTION. However I don't really care. The atmosphere in the hostel is still the same, whether the girls are there or not. And besides that I had an inclination to believe that girls are hibernating in cemara. I could swear that I haven't see ANY familiar girl faces in cemara.

(but for people such as Nouri, Jonanthan, and Lost, THIS IS THE MAIN ATTRACTION!)

Besides that, I'm not a guy that need girl faces to refresh my life. (duh +.+)

Point 2 of staying in cemara. Got Giant, Ole Ole, McD KFC...
I could even list down more...AYAMAS, PAK LI KOPITIAM, SECRET RECIPE, AL-RAFI BISTRO, MYDIN etc etc. But does it really matters?

However, before you go for a shopping spree, please check your account balance. Before you go pushing all those McD foods in your stomach, plz check your account balance...

I REPEAT..PLS CHECK.YOUR ACCOUNT BALANCE!!!

So, no matter who many McD, KFC, Secret recipe you see, it is useless. Because you won't had the money to spend on it...same goes for Giant also. (I still can't find a comb in the big GIANT, so after all the old kedai runcit is better, though the price is high.)

For my food in cemara, I'm still eating in kafeteria and Maggi. See now ,McD and Pak Li are useless now

ENDON and DAWOOD are still the best, for they provide an equally nice and cheap food compared to McD, which I scarcely consume because of $$ factor. One more thing, there is a Hainanese Chicken Rice shop that tastes even better compared to THE CHICKEN RICE SHOP IN CEMARA...and the price? 3 bucks

HAIL TO MAK ENDON!!! HAIL HAIL HAIL

Point 3 of staying in cemara-wireless network connection in Cemara
This is ACTUALLY the main attraction for me to go to cemara. However, it was just a fable that I believed, and the speed of the internet speed really shatters my heart

4 wireless WIFI to support the WHOLE CEMARA!!! OMG. Not to mention some people download tonnes of stuff, play online game.

I remembered someone telling me ...

A friend of mine had to online at 4 am to surf internet sources: forgotten

Sorry, i could not afford to wake up at 4 at all.

I was thinking about a broadband in cemara. But...after consulting Mr. EMO cj, the celcom broadband is too expensive for the price and it is not stable...

Maxis? lagi teruk. There is no coverage in Cemara ( but there is coverage in cendana area.....)

After all I still missed the free cendana CC, especially when I thought on how many bucks I need to pay after this blog.


Perhaps I was being unfair to Our cemara twin. The bus service is faster,(though not comfortable as Barakah

Variety of shops ( there is a pharmacy that saves my life from breathless asthma and also photostat shop )

But......
Staying in a PRISON like room--(for my room, yes because it always so damp and dirty, even though I cleaned a bit) ---not to mention my roommate......."cleanliness" that made it worse

I still prefer the old boring cendana after all