Love

Love, It came silently, and

It strikes

One however , was too intoxicated with the poison on the cupid arrow, that they forget to realize the pain that comes with the strike.

It makes the simplest response a world-defining declaration.
It makes the simplest action a move with many layers of meaning.
It makes the simplest act of kindness a jar of honey
It magnifies - everything that seemed to be minuscule - a wink, a message, & a voice.

Many has been intoxicated, many has chosen death of the intoxication of love, over the instinct of survival.

And even more has chosen death, rather to awaken from the dream

And many have been immortalized for the great act of love, whether from the great act of selflessness, or the cowardice to leave the dream and face the cruel reality in front

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I was in love.

Many times I had been in a dream, and many times I had awaken from a dream, lone in the bed
The wound I once thought was deep, will eventually sow itself, and barely existent lest it's the middle of the night

And with each wound, comes with a new perception of life

- to favor the abstract art of music, the beats of rock, the melody of classical, over the song that declares love of all else

- and to realize that one can live good, albeit not perfectly, alone, and to realize that it's friend that supported you over a girl that is barely there in a dream

- and to realize that one must continue moving even though nothing front is in sight, for you are dead the moment you stop moving

- and to have your own standard, because it's better to have your own rules even if the rest do not comprehend

- and that there's more than romance and love - there's ambition, friends, and there's  a world that you will die trying to conquer

- and to view the world with the coldest of eye , yet greet it with the lamest of jokes

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I am in love again, but

With each sensation of love - one a chemist might referred it as a shot of Oxytocin ,

Comes with a sensation of fear - the fear of rejection, the fear of humiliation.

There's always part of me that warn me to stop, even as i get wrapped more to the dream.

That part of me that made me survived till now - selfish, uncaring, and a tinge of aloofness

That part of me that society condemns, yet was the reason i can survive until now - from betrayal, families, disappointment.

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And he's warning me again.

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I look at the message

And with every smile in my mouth comes a sigh

As every colleague looked at the sheepish grin i had, deep inside i know there's a question

Will it be the same again?

A dream awakened, a new scar
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But at least one for sure

I will survive, and who knows what perception i would get this times
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2 years later, Me from the future might view this with the silliest of grin, wondering what would i have been to come up with this

Or look at it with a smirk, that hints a glance of sadness

And such is life , no matter how life is

Cest La Vie

The crossroad from a teen to an adult

And so I ingest the poison again. It makes the head swirl. It burns my body. It upsets my stomach. It clouded my senses

Yet, everyone is busy ingesting the poison to their body, while all in the merry mode. I looked at this cup, wondering why so many were willing to drink this filth.

" Drink it "

" It's only half a cup "

And buried among st the voice, I pick up the poison, and ingest it right to my tummy.

It never feels good. No matter how many times I drink it up.

Yet, it's hard not to think I'm the exception, because everyone seems to feel good with this poison.

Yes. I am talking about alcohol...

And so again, I was once again shoe-horned into something that I hate.

As I drove back to my house, I began to wonder. Didn't I hate this thing? I had tried alchohol as early as 9 with my first cup of shandy. And it left me twirling around for 3 hours.

Yet it amazes me on how I could ingest this thing. All for sake of the folks that cheers for you, those folks that will not give a rat ass about you on whether you will crash the lamp-post on your way back.
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This is adulthood.

It's a cross-road when every teen leaps when he first broke to the world, the leap of faith to society

When you are the "adult" of the society, you are granted an infinite amount of freedom that you won't have as a child. The way you life, the car you drive, the work you have, the money you'll spend and the things that you'll buy. It's time, when asking money from anyone without any repercussion, is out of the question.

Yet at the same time, a few threads dangles above you - in your hand, your head, your leg. And the puppeteer that controls the puppet named you is a thing known as "society".

We are controlled by the puppet string of society, yet we are part of the puppet string itself.

The leap to adulthood, is when you realized the tiny silver puppet string that ties your hand.

Although in some case, you could hate it, you can't help but notice, there's a tiny little bit of you in the string, presumably binding on others
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" I hate adult. " I once had this notion twice.

I once told myself that I hate adult when I was a kid. I questioned myself. Why do we have to call every single adult we meet? Why do the adults get everything first ? Why do they think themselves highly above us ? And why did of all things, we have to be punished by them when we simply pisses them off.

And when I was a 14 years old teen. I once again told myself. Why would the adults never admit their mistake? Why did they impose their superiority on us ? And why are we binded to their customs and their rule? Why are they betraying others without hesitation? Seeking for fame and having a war on things that seemed to be trivial??"

And I told myself not to be a stinking adult like this when I grown up.


Looking back at it, it's very easy to see how naive I was. It's all because I did not see the invisible string that ties all of us.

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Adulthood is when you realizes the world is not black and white, but merely a color of grey with different intensity of black and white.

Is lying immoral ? And is honesty the best policy ?  And should we regard other human being as equal?

Does sacrificing other for your own survival, a bad thing? YES ?

How about if that person has a built up fame for years? How about if he has a family and a car to attend? And how about the sacrificial lamb is merely a brat?

And if the person that has to sacrifice others happens to be you, can you say YES ? And if failing to sacrifice others means a social disgrace, a loss of opportunity or even threatening your worklife, can you say YES

Adulthood is when you realize  black is merely  another form of grey.

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Back to the real world

" I can smell your alcoholic stench miles away. You are almost hopeless. "

I grudged, saying nothing. Because I realized it's a choice I made as an adult, regardless whether it's a forced choice. I know he has to stop somewhere. Regardless whether this alcohol stench adult is doing, the best thing he can do is an advice. The "once before a kid" is now walking the crossroad to an adult.

" Nobody can really force you on things what you can't do." He once said it

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There's string binding me, governing me on what should I do. It makes me continue paving on the road I reluctant to walk, it echos to me " I am an adult " , just when I decide to give everything up.

But a line has to be drawn somewhere

After all, no one really cares about you as you shaft those poison into you. The cruelty of adulthood is that no adult will never see any other adult as a kid that requires help or guidance, regardless of age. They will bind you into their rules, like how adult bind the others.

So I will make up my own rule.

No one can force me to swallow that cursed poison again. They are merely forcing other into it because he/she has realized that he's too poisoned to pull out.

I am more afraid to be this kind adult than anything else.

Times to make rule up, like once  I was a kid

If anyone ever mentioned alcohol again in front of me.

Fuck'em

不开心

好坦率的一个题目.

我现在很不开心, 但我真的说不出口.

面对老妈问题 “什么, 你老板讲你不行? 真的吗的时候， 我说不出口， 说你儿子不行。也更加说不出，我在美国学到的种种，在我工作上行不通。

我想改。但是这条路不好走。 今天，我老板说我的沟通得改善。 昨日，我的大老板骂得我狗血淋头。 我的前辈看我，不禁摇头。坦率的说“我看不到你的优点”

这些， 我能忘得下吗？

我随数公司不好，但是难免会心虚。问题很多是 公司3分 我占了 7分。

随恨但又怕。向丢下工作一走，没有人请我。

自己背这一个美国留学生， 但却做不到像一个美国会来，经过风吹雨打的工程师。

自己虽22 岁，但样子老了多，思想也比我同一辈的人老很多。 少了动力， 却多了一份安定的纳闷。酒不沾，烟不抽，不色，不花， 就因为如此少了话题。

今天，我喜欢了3 年的女生说 她要去新加坡， 我说不出请你留下。

自己在她心里，可能最多是一个帮过她的男生。

我能吗? 自己在中学时给了人家的影响，改不到，改不了。

我真的好累。自己在改变的路上，碰钉又敲柱。

一句鼓励的话我听不到。

也许，我自己也不敢相信， 那句鼓励的话，背后的动机。

前面的路，我看不到。

但， Churchil 说。

如果前方是地狱也好，走下去。

自己早前的地狱，我也过了

我今天失恋了，工作失利。

但是路还得走，虽然我看不到前方。

美琪，祝你一路顺利。

我还有一段难走的路，走下去。

好吧， 部落格。我得睡了。明天要把路走下去。

无题

今天单独走路回家时， 蒙蒙糊糊的想起自己有个部落格。

四年前， 当时的我看见人家有个部落格，心里想了到底有人会看我写的东西吗。 当时自己心想这是写给自己的日记，写得有理！ 现在想回， 当时写的东西都是给人看的。有没有把自己那四年的过去写下，我自己也不知道。

自己也没有哪个勇气去看自己在那四年写了什么。 我说不定会因为太过羞辱而放弃写这篇文章。苏格拉底，我可真的对不起你啊， 把你为了追求真理而死的心态放在我的部落格，我可是糊涂。希望你泉下有知，放过这个无知的我。

这次， 写的文章是给我自己， 给我那两年的生涯做个结论。 好好反省这两年所看所过

--------------------------------------------------------
但你不怕人家看到吗？

怕什么？ 我的为人相信大家也知道。 在我背后道数我的言语我也不知道。反正都不会是好事。就算给人看到了，也不过是黑炭上加墨，还是那么黑。

而且
-----------------------------------------------------------
你没发现到没人来过这儿吗？

人生是一个很奇怪的东西。

当你在追求真理的大学，才会发现到那真理和你无关。
当你在促进自我的网站，才会发现到你的自我其实没有什么值得一看的。


报这哪一幅“要人家知道我多好的心态”， 我开了这个部落格。 四年后，转了个大圈，才发现自己没有什么好处而言。 


论语有言“己所不欲，勿施于人”， 自己时常自问人家面子书所写所“分享"实已己无关。 但自己往往犯了这个错误。 虽是这样说，但我还是要留下这个部落格，哪怕有一天自己开始混了头，我还有自己以前所写下的垃圾当是启示。


-----------------------------------------------------------------------


这几年来，发现了很多


数年前，我讥笑相信宗教的傻瓜。
往年后，他们证明了我是哪个傻瓜。


数年前，坚决人家不了解真正的我。
往年后， 才发现最不了解自己的人是我。


数年前讥笑那些为了小事结束生命。
往年后，我差点把自己的命自己送掉。


数年前，自己认为一班醉猫是堆傻瓜
往年后，才发现要醉也得自己醉


但有样东西我可肯定，往年后，自己会开始说数年前的我可是无知。可能几年后的我会把这片空地扫掉， 但我还是期待几年后的我会写什么


-------------------------------------------------------------------------


就凭这股好奇心，我就看LIFE这个东西有什么等 下去。

Food of thought of the day

= = = = = = = = = = =
The power of irrationality
= = = = = = = = = = =

We have this nice cozy image of human being a rational being. We are...rational. We know what to think, the right thing to do and say, we have our own set of values, and we will always do the right thing to do.

Erm, unless stated otherwise, psychology has pretty much proven us a bunch of irrational folk. There is always one question that I asked, just to reassert the point we are not really a rational folk.

You go to a store to buy a toothpaste. It's 4dollars, but if you buy tomorrow, it's 2 dollars. Will you buy tomorrow?

This is a no brainer question, of course yes.

Then you go to Bestbuy to buy laptop, it's 900 dollars, but if you buy tomorrow, it's 4 dollars. Will you buy tomorrow.

Of course not.....

WAIT...

Why a difference of reaction, on a similar amount of saving. Why are we thinking in percentage all of sudden? To point out, the 4 dollars (or 2 dollars) doesn't have difference if "Hello, I am the measely 0.003% you saved from the laptop sale " and  Hello, I am the 2 dollars you save from 50% discount of toothpaste sale.

We are really attracted in a high number of % , as composed to a high amount of money. A store can publish up to 70% discount on products, only when you realize the 70% discount is on a 10 dollar product and your dream 200 dollar product has a measly 5% discount.

A 1 dollar saving, eh - not so much, oh wait 20%, ah now it is something. Although keep in mind i am referring to the 5 dollar frozen veggie pack in rainbow.

= = = = = = = = = =
Anchor
= = = = = = = = = =

If you noticed when you are buying some gadget, or going to some unknown restaurant. There is a concept of anchor, in which a product that you don't want to buy influence your choice.

http://www.t-mobile.com/shop/plans/Cell-Phone-Plans.aspx?catgroup=Individual&WT.z_shop_plansLP=individual

Question. If you do check the website, how do you know

Unlimited Talk + Text + Data (2 GB of high-speed data) for USD 79.99 is such a good deal?

You seriously can't tell whether this is good or not. So you decide to "compare", and here's when the anchor gets awry.

Unlimited Talk + Text + Data (200 MB of high-speed data) For 69.99 ?

Aha, just an upgrade of 10 dollars, and you can have 2gb instead of 200mb, that's like x10 of the price. Dang, the 79.99dollars deal is good? But if you will stop and think for a second....

Who the heck in this world will only use 200MB bandwidth for a month? If you go youtube at least once a day , download some pdf document, download some apple or android app, you are very most probably exceed the limit. Keep in mind, i am drawing my assumption based on how I toyed with my android toy. The 200MB limit? I swear it's reached just a couple of days.

So, why the heck AT&T has this plan of 200MB? Could there really a customer that uses a 200MB net on a month with a smartphone? AT&T knows more about user bandwidth much than i do, And they know practically a 200MB plan is horribly unpopular. But why the package is still there?

Easy, the 200MB plan is there to tell you that the 79.99 plan is good. Why is it good? because 69.99 dollar plan only has 200MB plan instead of 2GB. It's a 10 dollars and you get 10 TIMES the speed! T-mobile folk suddenly make you think that 79.99 deal sound so good, because of a 69.99 deal that you won't bother.

 Even when you subscribe the plan just for the sake of the phone, you will find the 79.99 dollars deal incredibly irresistible, unless you don't plan to facebook in your phone at all - which i sincerely doubt. And the fact I point out this whole anchor thing, it ;s not really useful in the end.

I will discuss about anchoring in more detail, but i am sleepy. If you will listen to the tale why am i still awake...

==============

Emotional

==============

The Greek once pointed out the ethos pathos logos, which is the three way speech is delivered. Ethos is a emphasis on credibility, pathos is emphasis on emotion , and logos is the emphasis of logic. We are thought the logos way, in which speech is delivered logically. However, as my experience dictates, logic as a way to reason is a horrid horrid way.

In recent wake of Japan Tsunami, we have once again talks about nuclear as a bad alternative to energy. It is very easy to point out the fact that the little radioactive element surpass coal, and petroleum. Go to wikipedia, and you have figures of a coal plant emit much more radiation than uranium, and you have more people die because of coal plant mining instead of nuclear explosion, along with the fact that a uranium mining center has the same level radiation as background radiation etc etc etc......

This is what geeks call a shitload of evidence, although someone could just shoot down this fact by

1.) Mentioning chernobyl incident, a nuclear disaster that happen on a rare basis, and he will show how the city is destroyed, and proceed to mutant baby, along with some background music.

2.) Show you a game of resident evil, and point this to uranium as fault. 

Despite of the apparent logic behind nuclear, those chernobyl reactor pictures, along with the grim music, and those zombies will prolly scare the logic out of you. This is one of the nuclear advocator fail to understand - that emotion is a better tool to convince than logic. In promoting nuclear plant as opposed of coal plant, I will suggest 

a.) dig out the corpse of people that died in coal plant disaster, and picture it as true and scary as it could be

b.) take a geiger muller tube, and measure how high coal plant radiation rate is, then proceed to have a doctor speaking behind how those radiation can kill you

But who am i to say i am a logical being. Early 4am in the morning, when I was prepared to sleep, my secret little crush appeared on facebook. A few short conversation proved this crush might as well ended up crushed. The logical mind tells me to sleep, but the emotional part tell me to wait.

It was half an hour before I finally close the laptop.

After checking my android device for facebook, and convincing that my logic is heeding, I scrambled to grab my laptop after I saw a facebook message of "are you still here?"

To date now, it is 9 o clock, and the rest of the time is spent - ironically, on typing how irrational people is, and reading how irrational people can be - In Dan Ariely's predictably Irrational . the emotional part clearly deprived me on sleep.

Perception of right and truth

This is a very weird thought experiment....
What is the difference between this two logic?


Logic 1
1. Statement 1: I am always right
2. Statement 2: If I am not right, refer statement 1.


Logic 2
1. Statement 1: Fact is true
2. Statement 2: What I say is fact
3. Statement 3: If what I say doesn't agree with world's fact, the world is wrong.


This is a daily quarrel sparked on somewhere in a day....At first, the two logic sound almost the same damn thing. You can picture someone that say those thing is a bigot that think that he is always right? Or is it really the same?


But thinking for the sake of thinking, let's inspect this two statement


Statement 1 is basically rephrased as "I am right and never wrong". No people will like to associate themselves to this kind of statement. It was a totalitarian statement, a statement of a brute. No one will think of them as "right and never wrong", because by saying this statement 1 out, you had just tell the world is a bigot.


How about logic 2?


Statement 2 , at a first glance is no different. But there exist a few words. For one, there is this existence of "fact is true", which somehow implies that there is a universal fact/truth lingering around there. The first statement indirectly implies that there's an entity of truth that is absolute.


In fact, if you look hard enough, the "fact is truth" statement manifest itself in a lot of form in today's life.


- John 1.46 - , "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.
- The movement of 911 as government is doing the inside job is known as 9/11 Truth movement
- There's a lot of "the evil truth of Mohammed" lingering around youtube.
- And similarly speaking, you have "the evil truth of Jew" and "Evil truth of Christianity" lingering around  Google
- To relate to the latest event of Bersih movement, each party is trying to make their stand-point that the cause they are fighting is the truth


Poke on statement 2:
- What I say is fact


- The word "say" could be misnomer. It could be "what I think,do, or say is factual, hence is true. Once you realized the logic of statement 1, you can realize that statement 2 is basically an alignment, that the person said/do/think is aligned to truth.


And this is what separates logic number1 and 2. Logic number 1 assume that he is the ultimate truth, and hence always right . Logic number 2 however assert of an universal truth, and he is aligned to the truth. What I say is fact, which is true - indirectly acknowledges that there is something superior to "I" , and that is the "truth". Replace the truth with a theory, a religion, and suddenly things get more interesting to poke at.


Unconvinced?


The statement "The 911 incident is an insider job in fact done by the government" sound more convincing that "the 911 incident is an insider job by government".  Maybe there's only a difference of word length, but imagine this is a statement told by 2 guy.  I can tell the 2nd guy is more confident than the first guy, but the first guy probably has more evidence that the 2nd guy.


The third statement of " If what I say doesn't agree with world's fact, the world is wrong." is a replication of Cao Cao saying. But set that aside, I think "the world" is also a misnomer. The world will be probably better if you replaced it with "People that disagree with me". Well, it's either people agree with you or people disagree with you on a certain issue (the fence-stander is nt discussed). And it is most probably the "person that disagrees" that is on the wrong side.


Note at this point of discussion, I might poke on religion or some belief territory without noticing. Well, I can assure I am a fence-stander in those issue. I poke the mind, and that's all I do if you are engaging a mind experiment.  Think it this way - Someone that say "Allah is the truth" and "Jesus is the truth" is actually no different than " The truth is there is no god and god is a delusion". All three parties, are aligned to a statement of absolute truth.

But in the end of the day, I don't really think there's anything wrong with people of mindset logic 1 and mindset logic 2. What I feared it there exist an untold statement in result on logic 1 and logic 2...

"The one that is wrong/alligned in the wrong course must be righted. "

Six Facebook Group that should get...(part 1/6)

ground zero-ed. Completely eradicated, removed for peace of mind.


It all started on few days, when I was doing some data acquisition in facebook ( a statistical way of saying wasting time clicking link and reading whines of others.) I came across a status update that sounds like this


Mr. XXX : Who would actually like a Salad page on Facebook? Me


Although really I want to say, it's actually perfectly normal. If you love salad, there's no reason for you not to like the page. I myself are not a fan of salad (although salad is an even instant food than instant noodle). If joining the group means you could get some salad advice,updates, or even exchanging ways to mix salad. By all means, it's a good and prolly wise thing to do.


For me myself, I have tons of like pages, and they serve some way or another to waste my time. For example, I for the nook group that I liked/joined , I will receive a wall update when Barnes and Nobles are going to give freebie for free~ And also for taylor swift, when there's a new album coming out , I will be immediately updated and went to iTUNES ( ehem, thepiratebay actually ) to download them. While some other like pages are a d**k, they won't let me reading their funny content unless I "like" their page, and so I did, and spent another 1 hour wasting time on the cybernet


But sometimes, there are just some facebook group (or I should say likes) , that makes me ponder the future of humanity when I saw another friend "liked the page". And thus, in attempt to enlighten humanity ( to bitch about them is the real thing), I decide to wander around facebook, and dug back some of the facebook pages that should be somewhere in the 

The ultimate location where your secret/failed assignment/ unfinished love letter/porn/humanity top secret ended  

6. The Like-Baiting Website


They appear in lots of form, ranging from

 To.......

Reason to keep away
Those websites will prolly try to exploit the fact you are an attention whore/ someone naive enough to believe that there's free lunch. They appear from "check who is your top fan/who stalked you to Win a Ipad 2.3 , click Like now. Once you click the like, you gone through some serious permission page

those thing are for nerds, f**k it, stop bugging me and allow me to my  Ipad 2.5

You allowed it, and yeah, welcome to the world of spam, and irritating wall spammer. You have just fallen into a like-baiting website. 

Although you guys will probably smart enough to know there's no such thing as free Ipad. You could probably laughed to some idiot that fall into this Nigerian scam, and proceed to click the stalker track apps in facebook....


Congratulations, once again, to another world of spam.To ruin your bubble, although there's some "top fan page" that actually comes out with those "top fans", actually, all what they do, IS TO COUNT HOW MANY TIMES that certain person has commented. That's all. 




Since stalker, well you know, they just stalk like how some dark shadow walked behind you when you're alone, which is something you never know until....(offtopic, girls and guy please be careful when walking alone, although this does not apply to me. I ate beer jerky. dude). Therefore, those apps is useless to detect these kind of people. Then you ask, "I did have some apps that worked! (and spammed some people wall in process). This is what their program actually do. In programming, it's going to be like this 


howmanyviews = (rand (1,100000)) which basically generates a random number between 1 and 10000, OR


(if usergender==male); (female view > male view), (else if usergender==female); (male view> female view)    

(erm, facebook doesn't have gay/lesbian in gender option)

   


Because, as much as you want to know who's your secret admirer, FACEBOOK DOES NOT HAVE THIS FUNCTION built in (privacy, people ) , which is, there is no way to know that people stalked you ( facebook stalker, rejoice! ) Although I couldn't deny, it's innate in human nature for us wanting to know whether we are popular or not. Even I checked how many people read my website at times, but often times, it's a painful realization that if I didn't check my blog, the views on my blog is basically a zero =__+ 

I know, knowing that you are being stalked by a cute chicken kinda makes you feel good, but wait  until you know it is actually my profile pic....you will wish you didn't know

Well, there's no harm in trying. Who knows out of 1000, one might work. I appreciate your bottomless gap of foolishness, but I should remind you, out of 1000 apps you tried, 1000 of them will write something on your facebook wall, announcing you as an attention whore. 700 of them will send spam to your other friends chatbox  telling them how failed you are for having your account hijacked. 600 of them will make your account write some stupid thing on people's wall, and 100 of them will get your facebook account disabled because you keep sending spam links that you had no idea of.


How to identify


1. If more than 10 ppl like a page, and it's not Justin Beiber/Salad/Snow Day?Packers/Ipod , you should avoid it. Sometimes, the world stupidest thing are done as a group....


2. Keyword like "win a Ipad," , fans, stalker check apps, you should avoid (Disclaimer, if you want to like these kind of fan, by all means, go ahead)

ah, the aerodynamic design. So cool, so sexy , you are such a manifestation of human wisdom........

3. Keywords like I can't believe she did it LOL group, or Justin Beiber did this group. In this case, the keyword you want to avoid is LOL (believe me, the big LOL always mean nothing, and if it does mean something, it means LOL, and since LOL means nothing, and if..........(lol is often a recursion that turns out to be anything but meaningful

4. Any kind of page that wanted you to like before they let you see the content (I falled for this s**t really). Particularly when they ask you to click certain button/color to make sure you are human, you are inadvertently opening yourself to a -8 F snowstorm in a room without winter. Btw, just to let you know, if you really want to know the content so much, there's www.bypassfanpages.com for you (I hold no liability in the disappointment effect u felt after reading the real content.

5. If others fail, simply don't like anything. Just think, of thousands of spam emails, which one did you actually believed.