Perhaps to emo JK in future,

Few days ago, at the same time, at the same place, I unleashed another emo wave for my own blunders, and betting, the guy I blamed must had made lots of sneezes as I typed my previous angry post.

Now?

I am finally recovered from seeming endless emo-strikes, all of sudden. All it takes is a few jogs, some careful planning, and a realization because of abook.  

For the future JK, I'm not sure whether I would be again on emo-state, so I prepared a post like this just for myself in future, in case I (or you) lost in future, reading this thing will somehow guide you (or I)in the midst of loss.

To: Yami (Dark)

I am quite sure that you'll get emo sooner or later, and it is a matter of time before you actually spams more sad posts on internet, and brought the circle of emo around the people, and you will get more emo because your fren emo, such a weird circle it seems.

Dude, you just don't realize how big the impact of your emo wave, to yourself and maybe, to others. I know, it is impossible not to be emo, unless you have achieved enlightenment, which is quite impossible for lustful people like you. So, next time you emo, don't try to avoid your emo-ness, compress it or hide it. It won't just disappeared in a sleep or two, or disappeared if you asked it so. Keep compressing like what you used to do, and you will be a prickled ballon. POP, and you're gone.

Sooner or later, you will be worrying about technical stuff and those messy stuff when others don't. Like for me, I had just realized that I had to apply Uni for my own, and even worst, forced to apply for an Uni that i will not be admitted. The result of me not doing those means a meeting with JPA, not to mention, you'll have to make a new dossier out of scratch.

Problems just keep coming. And you know how I do? GIVE IT A DAMN about UiUC. I said I don't want it, and I ain't applying it with a rush. If JPA wanted to see me, fine, I tell JPA, " I am saving money for you for not applying an Uni that I won't get in for sure.", and I sure JPA won't mind someone to fork out his 75 usd to do his umi application alone. And for Dossier? Nah, I made a schedule what to do, and after reviewing my mini schedule, off to go to Wheel of Time! 

There's no use worrying. You planned everything and if something meddle in, you will never know. Fate takes control and no matter how you planned, all you can come out is a great plan, but maybe not a great result. So why don't just leave it. Be confident in your scheming. Throughout years, messy problems like this come like bundle to your life, and everytime, there is always something to help you out. Gosh, for a self-proclaimed Atheist, you are lucky to be taken care by HIM.

 So, if next time problems occur, think as long as you can about the problem, write the solution on the sheet, keep the sheet, and that's it. Done. No use thinking about the problem anymore, not as if you can manipulate the problem by thinking. If you can do something, do it, and if not, just go for a jog or DoTA.

Ya, and one more thing, We used to have all those of emotional-emo, which thanks to certain person that you liked or hated. She grunted, you sighed. He scolded, you blamed yourself all over. Things like this could be DAMN destructive. You might be started to think how bad you are, and the next minute, you will find somewhere in KLCC and jumped.

Duh! Don't depcriate yourself just people do that on you. Don't go helluva just because of a guy or a girl. Screw all those romantic novels! Romeo can still live without Juliet, and Cinderella could always run away from Castle if the prince find himself another wife. You are who you are, a fashionless people with a silly sense of humor, different view of mankind, and sometimes, selfish. That's how you are, and ain't change these for someone sake, hiding your nature when you shouldn't.

And if you still find useless, here's a guide for you. A Intro-to buddhist (huh, a atheist book) thingy. 

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People do not generally live in their actions, in the present moment.They live in past or future. Though they seem to be doing something now, here, they live somewhere in their thoughts,  in their imaginary problems and worries, usually abt memories in past or specualtion in future. Therefore, they don't live in, nor do they enjoy what they do at the moment. So they are unhappy with current conditions, and not giving fully on what they are doing......

You cannot escape life no matter where you are, in a cave or city. Real life is the present moment, not past memories and distant dream. Ones who live in the present life lives the REAL life, and he's the happiest.

Let's take an example. You exprienced unhappy sorrowful thought (emo lo). In the state of mind, your mind is hazy, not clear, and depressed. Even sometimes, you don't know why you are depressed. First of all, DON'T feel unhappy on your unhappy feeling (blaming yourself for emo). Instead, try to see clearly WHY there is a sensation of unhappiness or sorrow. Try to examine why it arises, it cause, how it disappears. Examie as if you are a scientist observing an object which has  nothing with you. Also. don't think it as "MY feeling" but " a feeling". View yourself form third perspective. 

After you see its nature, how it arises and disappear, your mind grow dispassionate (or just a simple CEH) on the feeling, you are free.

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And if you really enjoy thinking of your problem, go jog TEN ROUND UNTIL YOU ARE TOO LAZY TO THINK>.<

Good luck to you. Whether  you are in US, or USM. Single and deserted. When all hopes seems to crumble, read this. I'm always with you.

Regards

Hikari (Light)

D*** Y** UNI APPLICATION!!!!!!

I had been very good for using the word D*** instead of the word F***

Ok, Ok, I know that I'm in fault for changing my uni, for suddenly realized that my CGPA would never enable to get me a place in UIUC, and also suddenly I realized that Chem II is not offered to me

And I'm know that it is very troublesome for you to change the names of applying Unis. Ya, it takes day, change the whole thingy...

ALL IT TAKES YOU IS JUST ANOTHER ONE OR TWO HOURS FOR YOU TO RUB AWAY UIUC AND CHANGE IT TO U- TEXAS. And it only bothers you for maybe, a tea-break time or whatsoever it is. But YOU HAVE NO IDEA THAT IT MAY LAND SOMEONE TO HOT SOUP, FOR all of sudden, someone has to complete his uni application within two weeks, without any help......

I'm know that I had been stupid enough, or negligent enough, for not awaring the unis application or stuff. I even regretted for not following CJ and others to Putrajaya, and seriously confident that nothing will backfire in my uni application.

Ok, now I regretted.

And now, within one week or two, I need to get my SOR, my SPM translation perhaps, my financial affadvit, my online application ready in two or three weeks, and I'm not sure whether I could have undergo all these thing alone.

But still, regret or sadness or whatsoever, I need to get the whole things geared up. I'm know I would be dragging myself in these next few days, from Suzana, to Putrajaya, to OSSP and etc. Those things must be done regadless I'm in a slight depression (emo's not longer a word to use). Cause, whether you like it or not.

Bye-bye for honeymoon days, and also to Rand al Thor or Aes Sedai.

The age of madness looms.......

(Btw, I'm still blogging, but it is more like complaining instead

JK on a renovation

Lately, I am on a insane emo streak that would strike me surprisingly without I noticed. However, no one has so fat hurt from my emo wave discharge, as I had kept it under my control.

Among these days lately, the old events, from big to small, the events that I tried to forget, suddenly lingers around my mind, reminding me on how silly I used to be. In those memories, I suddenly view myself with a feeling contempt, and I've been thinking, if only I could haven't done this...

Well, I believe that I need some serious renovations on my behavior (and also physically), and academically. And during the renovation, I believe that I would somehow becoming more nerdy, more careful, less friendly, more emo or whatsoever you might have not imagined.

And also, it's time for me to say bye to this blog. Lately, I have been posting my feelings, emo, whatsoever into it, and it is becoming a very self-centered post. If it is meant to be a self-centered post, why don't write a diary. Someone has told me about this, and unfortunately, it only make senses to me now.

So, bye to this piece of blogpost. Who knows, I might write something after a long rest, but now?, I need a break, and of course, you guys need a break either. Seriously, I would miss my blogging day sooner or later.

And these are those things that happened lately.

Eastern sun program

=.^, huh? I am accepted into this program. Good thing is, I might learn more about Korean cultures and etc ( seriously, I would ask them how North Korea and South Korea engane on war of etc). The bad news is, maybe I had to be taught by them instead.

But whatever is it, I believe that everyone need guidances in a process of learning. My path of learning English is never easy. I ahd get used of people looked at me in a puzzled look whenever I spoke English with them, and even some chinese friends told me " Man, u better speak Chinese to me, cuz I can't understand a thing."

Therefore, I believe that guidances and help is needed in a stage of learning, and I am more than experienced enough for this. The differences is, I was never guided except by me tuition lecturer, and perhaps, a series of harry potter books

Calculus.


Ruzela is really a nice cal 3 lecturer. Well, you might see some ego in her teaching, or some blunders, but well, her teachings is the things that makes more sense compared to other lecturer.

Among the darkness, I see a ray of hope in cal 3

Business

Many had told me to give up on selling sandwich, or asked me to order from others, but in the end we sold all sandwich and gained a truimph of ten bucks profit.

Lesson:
Never decide your lose or victory easily ( a serious learned lesson)

Bye, Sayonara

Pali And Isli

Tales from JK the Joking fella:

There was once a small little area in somewhere near the middle east. And in the small area, a few people stays in there, ranging from the twins-Irn and Irq, Jordie, the old man Egie, which stays opposite their neighborhood, and also Arib, which used to be their taiko in their area. They help each other, going pasar together, giving sugars and salt wherever the other needs it. And somehow one day discovered gold in the sea, and therefore, they have a good life.

And somewhere 10km from the taman "middle east" ( I forget the taman name, so I decided to call it middle east garden la ), lies a big mansion when Sam used to live there. He is damn rich, for he has done lots of thing, ranging from car business, banking and etc. But of course, he has poured out lots of effort for it. And he also have lots of business partners that is always willing to help him wherever Mr. Sam said a word.

But somehow sam and the other business partners hold some grudges with the people in taman middle east. It is because long long times ago, in their childhood, uncle sam and his partners caught into a fight with the middle east guys because of wanting the a piece of land to kick their soccer. They fought. Sam and others have bruises on their ankle, and middle east guys have scars on their hand. So, they angry on each other, and more fight ensues, ranging from getting a girl, buying the last fish in market and etc.

(And according to what I know, Sam has been envious on the middle east guys because of the free gold, and on one day, Irq accidentally throw a banana on Sam's house. Sam was deeply insulted and decide to call his partners to revenge on Irq's behavior, by throwing lots of bananas back to them. Well, in the end Irq didn't really throw the banana, but it already takes Irq a long time to clean up the banana mess, and thus no time to care for the gold mining thingy. Sam sieze the chance and right now, Irq 's in a hot soup cuz his main resource is lost. Some said that Sam may help to clean up the mess, but it is still unconfirmed.

Well, that's another story......
)

On one day, Pali has a special guest, named Isli. Isli is a pity fella. He almost assassinated by a killer called Geri, and he has been longing for a home to escape from all those hardships that he faced.

(for these Isli and Geri story, refer to wikistory,com)

Isli claimed that the home used to be theirs during years ago, but because of war, the Isli family ran, and now, they wanted to back to their own home.

Pali, was of course infuriated, he said that his ancestors has been staying here over decades, and suddenly a stranger named Isli juz come to bug in and claimed that the house is his. He even show his proof, "this note states that this place is mine."

And Isli shows Pali another note, which said that the house is theirs.

(If you asked me which note is real, I don't know, and I don;t want to know. I'm just a story telller.)

Isli and Pali keep arguing on this issues, and eventually, it was brought into local court. But in the end, local government agreed that Isli can have a half of Pali's land.

(some said Mr. Sam relationship with the government is the reason why the judgment is made, but that is another story.)

Isli is contented with the decision, and promise to be a good girl in the house, but the neigborhood of Middle East garden, especially Pali, was very angry with this decision. They refused to acknowledge this new member of middle east garden.

Isli, of course, didn't go out socializing, he kept make money, thanks to his cleverness and also his friendship with Sam. He decorated his house, and soon, he got himself a small but cosy house.

The middle west people are very angry with the existence of Isli, so they decided to have a group assault by throwing bananas at his small house. A banana war ensues, but somehow Isli won because Isli send a helicopter, loading lots of banana and flood the house of Egie, Jordie and Pali with lots of banana. Sam also help secretly by supplying bananas to them.

Egie, Jordie, and Pali are defeated, but they refuse to give up on the assault. They keep attacking Isli by all means ( surprise banana at Isli's CNY, and also Egie's attempt to destroy the pipe of Isli) and Isli relitated and everytime, Isli won, thanks to the Sam that is always angry with the middle-east guys.

Isli, after facing lots of banana strike-, has get angry, and thus decide to become offensive. However, at the same time, Isli has made a peace-treaty with Egie and Jordie not to throw any banana anymore. Isli also makes a peace treaty with Pali , but occasionally, Isli occasionally receives some prank such as a smelly banana in their toilet, and it has somehow related to Pali. Isli thus started to wonder, whether this pali guy really followed the treaty.

(Well, I'm sure Isli has some counter-attacks, but I don't know the details.)

In the end, Isli get mad and started to break the pipe of Pali's. Pali, having never drink any water for years, decided to throw some banana at Isli as a way of protest. Isli, too, counter-attacked by throwing loads and loads of banana to Pali.

In the end, Isli get really mad and he decided to throw loads of smelly banana on Pali, and of course, Pali lost.

People started to comment on both of them. Some said it was Isli's fault for doing such a great banana assault, others blamed Pali's for throwing banana first. Then again, some said Isli's move is a must to protect himself from the banana scent, while some even said it was a mistake for isli to even stay at middle east garden.

Now, when you walked near the middle east garden, you will smell loads of banana scents, YUCKS

So, what did you think.

(adapted from Wikistorybook.com- named HIS-STORY)

hehehe =p

Just an experiment, I "EDITED" one of my older post name, changed a title, and write a new content out of it.

Huh? Why don't you just write a new post.

The reason is, I don't want people to see this post, to react on my dynamite, and throwed back a much powerful dynamite at me instead (like what Isli do on Pali). But somehow, urge to crap is hardly resistable. So, I disguise this new post under an old post, and unless, people are observant enough to actually looked every of the post,and scrolled to the bottom most...(But it would never happened, because all blog reader are lazy, they only looked for new post, not edited post.

It is a good method to shout or crap without people noticing.

Let's talk about one thing- a behavior of myself, which I observed, is different than 99% of most people. Let's call it JK-ism (or hyper abnormal crazy psychology).

1. I "SWT" at people that carry umbrella even though there's a small rain, or some scorched sunlight, or people that screamed hell over just for a cockroach. Those are people that categorized as the "strawberry". People that shouted for a bee, or a cockroach, just dun realize that how the cockroach feared you, as you can always finnish them of with one big step.

And also for people that feared rain or sunlight like thunderstorm or something, I am proudly to say, i have cycled or walked under the hot sun of 1p.m., or carried stuff during the heaviest rain i could imagined. While others will get cold for one rain, I would have still OK after standing a rain more than half hour. Reason, my body sudah biasa. Funny way to say, I get immuned already...

2. I imposed a behavioral limiter on myself, a limiter that reacts to bring me back to normal when I was too happy. History shows that I tend to do something stupid, or looked stupid when I was in a state of ectasy, and quite obvious, something bad will follow because of this.

So, next time, when I was in a great state of happiness, there is always a hormone that makes me back to normal, and all laughter seems to disappear. Two reasons why it happened, firstly, I know who uncontrollable I am, and secondly, I know good things doesn;t happedn, and we have to prepare for more ordeals.

3. I like to force myself to limit, when I wanted to. Example, forcing myself to run ten rounds even though I would have dead at the fifth round. Forcing myself to swallow certain subject, even though it means I would be sleeping the next few minutes.

I don't know why, but it is said that people improves only at the times when he almost driven mad. Whether it is true or not, it is a good principle to do, now? I am only died after running eight rounds instead of five rounds.

4. I am a true hypocrite. I swore that I would be back at 4p.m., but someone still had class until five, so I find some reasons to stay until five, and convince myself that it must be done. Even though the "must be done" is nothing but reading a few books or go internet.

That's old case. The newer one... A bunch of people chatting. I was very very sleepy and swore that I would be back to my room and sleep. Suddenly, I just notice someone, and I find the worse reason I had to mingle in the group, pretending that there's a business to do, even though I just wanted to glance a few extra eyes on...

EeeKK! However, a limiter has be done to limit this thing from happening, cause I really felt sick of me not able to grab a hold on myself.

5. That extends to my next case. I like to be alone, not because I wanted peace, but because I think people should work indepedently and not relying on people. This sometimes apply, and somehow it is cool with me...

6. I hate certain kind of people, because they never know the meaning of hardwork and suffering, and for me, the best person that can successful is suffered from hell to heaven, and thus able to understand them. Some are always arrogant. Always complaining on the expensive taxi fares, reluctant to take their own fork and spoon, and rather waited people to serve them, without budging the move. Simple enough, u try to be them instead, Try to be the waiter instead of the customer, try to be the taxi driver instead of the passenger, you'll know how they feel.

That's why, I always take my own fork and spoon in Al Awwal.

7. I hate talks, especially idealistic talks, from better government, to world peace. Instead of talking " we must love each other, hold no grudges", " we must fight against corruption," "we eanted world peace." OMG, they only know what to do, but not " HOW TO DO". Seriously, even I know that, starting from " Kami mesti membina pelajar wawasan yang berwibawa..."

So, don't make me laugh by saying " We must ban all business related to US, must chase their ambassador away, must stop co-operating with US, must stop any business-relationship with US, or stop export or whatsoever." To this forum writer that suggested this, I would tell you, you would worsen the economic recession, and perhaps, Malaysia would have much poorer because of insufficient external modals. So, think before you drink the Coke of urs.....

8. That brings me to the next point. Shut up if you know nothing. I had been a victim of these, for meddling in people conversation, and ended up confused. Don't follow because people say so, don't bluff as if you know the whole story or event. Wisdoms only comes after you know the whole situation, and still hold your opinion. I would call you wisdom for doing this, or else, you are just........

9. Another thing comes to mind, I hate the term " sensitive topics". To some leaders, if you are not contented with some speeches, don't use your "ulti" on them, and then, explained that ur ulti is for the sake of greater benefit. If you are not contented with what people say, just close your ear and eye, and let him crap, and then sneered at him "childish"

Not scolding like three years old kid. And if you think that your ulti is for the sake of people's good, I would like to say, people got brains, and even better than you sometimes. If he's crapping, people will know, unless you think that he's not crapping when it talks about you.

10. Finally, I found that I like to contradict myself. I swear not to put anything emo, but I posted something like that. Also, I wished nobody found this post, but I would wonder, can someone actually find it.

Funny? Nah, you won't find this post. Dared me, huh. Every of my post is ass-hole-ly wordy, you would have trembled at sight of my "essays" instead of blog, so you can't find this.

blek =p

A better, or a worse year?

31 Dec, and I still stick in the CC alone. The usual merry, packed CC was gone. Lemme guess, all people are countdown in Parkson = =

Me? I just don't have the mood to shout "ten, nine, eight", and making myself sweating, and p erhapscursing because of bustling and hustling with the audience. As usual, I had my own countdown in CC- my unique yet boring type of spending time waiting for a new year.

And I finally finnished the creepy survival horror game before 2008, to be precise, at 11.38p.m. when I snapped the horrible ghost with another killing blow snap.

FUNNY. I used to have lots of nightmare while playing the game, and even staying alone in the house give me some unknown creep. But right after I finnished the game, and watched the ending, the feeling just disappeared.

Perhaps love and compassion exists, even to those spirit that you might fear.

Ok, time to say, my new year resolution. Sounds impossible, but it won't hurt by just bluffing.

1. Having a girlfriend - (unless some mutation or plastic surgery which I couldn;t afford, I could just ignore this one)

2. Getting a high CGPA- ( until one day when an evil kian hui "accidentally" smashed my laptop, it is impossible t happen)

3. A whole ride bike around malaysia- (problem is, i don't even have my bike)

4. Win in a debate against Cj or wei young -(That...I don't think it will happen unless both of them happened to get dumb or watsoever

5. Defeat Chau Kee in a DotA game- ( unless sth happened to chau kee's laptop while playing, it is another impossible thing to be done.)

=.=

Is this a new year resolution for someone going to US?

Well, I have some little resolution though
-To be more matured and calm in daily communication
-To be able to see this world as a world with more hope, and less scepticism
-To be able to shackle the past
-To be more responsible and more determined in own belief
-and also to know what is "love and care".

And finally, a new lappie if possible. (HP Core 2 duo 2GB ram 250 SATA HDD NvDIA 9600 with crystal screemn would be best)

Or a new series of books will do

MINASAN (everyone), happy new year. And though India and Pakistan is on verge of war, economy in recession, seeming endless political laughter, or perhaps, more unimaginable things could have happened.

But still, hold a high hope for this new year.

The year of 2009, the bull!!!!!!!!!!!!!!year

Does Mr . Santa Claus exist?

I never consider this question, cuz the moment I know Santa, I know he is just a commercial figure to ask u to buy more stuff.

But, maybe I have to think twice, and for people that thought the same as I , this is just for you

From THE SUN 19

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. "Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. "Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?"VIRGINIA O'HANLON."115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS.

There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove?

Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real?

Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

From New York Sun 1897

P.S. a little piece of text for ur Xmas