Die lo, piano recital, die lo...die lo
T_T
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL_09u0toj4
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Some Friday Night Story
It was one random Friday night, when pubs got full, party got crazy, beers get overflowing and crowds get high, leaving a unknown void in the student campus, leaving an unthinkable silence and chill.
Oh maybe it's not a void , not empty at all, a silhouette was seen somewhere on the lamp. Or was it just an illusion of the night.
The silhouette rises her head, so, it was a human after all, squealing herself in the midst of these dark void. She rises her head, look, and put her head down again. It was a transition of hope to despair, a chance went to bubble, all shown when she rises her head and went down again, a seeming meaningless action itself.
What was the girl doing on the night, a night of absolute void, a night of absolute zero, squealing herself like a statue on campus?
A brief sound of sob is heard, and then it's heard no more
As the view shifted further and further away, thousands of questions were in mind, but in the end, there's only a silhouette in the campus bicycle parking spot, on a random Friday night.
Oh maybe it's not a void , not empty at all, a silhouette was seen somewhere on the lamp. Or was it just an illusion of the night.
The silhouette rises her head, so, it was a human after all, squealing herself in the midst of these dark void. She rises her head, look, and put her head down again. It was a transition of hope to despair, a chance went to bubble, all shown when she rises her head and went down again, a seeming meaningless action itself.
What was the girl doing on the night, a night of absolute void, a night of absolute zero, squealing herself like a statue on campus?
A brief sound of sob is heard, and then it's heard no more
As the view shifted further and further away, thousands of questions were in mind, but in the end, there's only a silhouette in the campus bicycle parking spot, on a random Friday night.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
11/1/2010
I don't even know what to type for the title, because I think I had used all possible title for an emotional post.
But, shrug, I am unhappy today, and I think I need to vent out ( with the proper way ), before I can calm down and get back to my study, and I think facebook was just not the right place to do it. Every 10 - 11 post, there will be at least one post related to complaint. Me thinks that I shouldn't burden another 209 facebook users with my complain post, so I decide not to whine anymore in facebook.
I still remember people saying, whining in facebook is utter fail, and I first, agreed with it. Although lately, I had given a thought of it, why people like to at least, utter one or two complains in facebook, and I think, I had the answer.
It's very very very hard for a person to swallow a day of discontent without telling anyone, especially after you have a day of bad luck, the first thing you will do is probably shooting some of your discontent in fb ( this sounds like me ), hoping there's someone that will tell you to calm down, showing some concerns through the comments, and etc.
To be short, we are attention whores, especially when we are hurt, we would like to have someone consoling us. However, noticing the word that I use (whore), you could say that I don't like the fact that I had to whine somewhere when I had problems. There's one particular example which I remember, when I had extreme food poisoning in a long trip, having my spectacle flying away from me in process. And well, I posted a post on how my spectacle lost in an accident, and the result...well, many notification, but not good ones...
People are laughing at my own clumsiness because on how I saw my own spectacles flew away, and there's no "consolation word" that I'll hoped to have. And seriously, that particular experiences probably pack more punches that losing the spectacle itself.
And few days later, I accidentally read about an article, and it gave me a real big smack. A simple wikipedia link
Self-pity or "feeling sorry for oneself" is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence.
And the moment I read this 3 lines of word, I am so ashamed for myself for realizing that all these years, I had been a "self-pitying person". I had no idea what I had changed into me, but I think the day after that, I seldom post emotional stuff in my facebook. As though I am unhappy, the very notion of deserving condolence is a direct punch on my pride, which I don't think I can do it.
And school started, I got enveloped in work again, and given the fact I had multiple workload, I think my chance of getting emotional will eventually multiplied as well, however, there's one sentence that saved my day.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to dance, it's dancing in the rain. It was a nice sweet quote hanging out in a church nearby my house, and this innocent looking enough sentence, saved my life, and when I had an impulse to complain and wait for comments, I asked myself to smile and continue working in it. The very notion of dancing in the rain is cool, and it's something I've been looking forward one day.
And yet, times goes by, the quote is replaced, and workload however, remained the same ( in fact, multipled because of my active enrollment in certain project ). And I started to feel bad about myself again, and bad, depressing thoughts crossed my mind, and the quote that I once adored, disappeared, although I desperately tried to recall it....
And so, my life goes on a wave of content and discontent, happy and unhappy times revolved and I had no control on my emotions and feelings.
Until few days ago, I read someone else blog, and then I noticed it was a lament about no friends to listen to, craving for love and support, and those feelings were those emotions that I had been experiencing , that I had been trying to repress, and thus, I commented about it.
But one thing I noticed though, she was a very social girl, and no doubt, she should have a lot of good friends that will listen to her, hence, why the whine? This question has been doubting me quite some time, and I thought, maybe a reminder of her asking for her friend help is a good thing.
And the reply somehow, left me confounded " because I am scared of losing reliance ".
This is an answer that reminded me, of the very notion why I am isolating myself, and I feel like talking with her, but then again, the inferiority complex had gained a triumph over me, and tell me not to do that.
And so, I think, the best thing I might be able to do, is to give her a quote that I used to like..."the dancing rain quote, and after some google search, I managed to find the whole quote back, and shamelessly copy and paste into her comment.
I don't know whether she reads my blog or not, but if she does, and feel like needing an ear, she can always shoot me a message en email, not because of pity or etc, but simply because her blog is a good spot to procrastinate, and get back my hope pumped up in study, and it's certainly a waste to have those inspirational post disappeared
and talk about today, i was so sad that...
Huh? I feel much better now.
And now I noticed what this blog for.
By typing every single word in this post, I was directly conversing to myself, and as my mind sort to figure things out when I vented out my feeling, my mind just feel better.
Or maybe because the lengthy post and thinking process made me stop thinking how unlucky I am, or maybe it's because I sorted things up as I typed all these lengthy stuff....
Funny, maybe it is the right method of blogging, a way of venting out and sorting things out in process. two in a time
and shrug, laplace transformation
But, shrug, I am unhappy today, and I think I need to vent out ( with the proper way ), before I can calm down and get back to my study, and I think facebook was just not the right place to do it. Every 10 - 11 post, there will be at least one post related to complaint. Me thinks that I shouldn't burden another 209 facebook users with my complain post, so I decide not to whine anymore in facebook.
I still remember people saying, whining in facebook is utter fail, and I first, agreed with it. Although lately, I had given a thought of it, why people like to at least, utter one or two complains in facebook, and I think, I had the answer.
It's very very very hard for a person to swallow a day of discontent without telling anyone, especially after you have a day of bad luck, the first thing you will do is probably shooting some of your discontent in fb ( this sounds like me ), hoping there's someone that will tell you to calm down, showing some concerns through the comments, and etc.
To be short, we are attention whores, especially when we are hurt, we would like to have someone consoling us. However, noticing the word that I use (whore), you could say that I don't like the fact that I had to whine somewhere when I had problems. There's one particular example which I remember, when I had extreme food poisoning in a long trip, having my spectacle flying away from me in process. And well, I posted a post on how my spectacle lost in an accident, and the result...well, many notification, but not good ones...
People are laughing at my own clumsiness because on how I saw my own spectacles flew away, and there's no "consolation word" that I'll hoped to have. And seriously, that particular experiences probably pack more punches that losing the spectacle itself.
And few days later, I accidentally read about an article, and it gave me a real big smack. A simple wikipedia link
Self-pity or "feeling sorry for oneself" is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence.
And the moment I read this 3 lines of word, I am so ashamed for myself for realizing that all these years, I had been a "self-pitying person". I had no idea what I had changed into me, but I think the day after that, I seldom post emotional stuff in my facebook. As though I am unhappy, the very notion of deserving condolence is a direct punch on my pride, which I don't think I can do it.
And school started, I got enveloped in work again, and given the fact I had multiple workload, I think my chance of getting emotional will eventually multiplied as well, however, there's one sentence that saved my day.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to dance, it's dancing in the rain. It was a nice sweet quote hanging out in a church nearby my house, and this innocent looking enough sentence, saved my life, and when I had an impulse to complain and wait for comments, I asked myself to smile and continue working in it. The very notion of dancing in the rain is cool, and it's something I've been looking forward one day.
And yet, times goes by, the quote is replaced, and workload however, remained the same ( in fact, multipled because of my active enrollment in certain project ). And I started to feel bad about myself again, and bad, depressing thoughts crossed my mind, and the quote that I once adored, disappeared, although I desperately tried to recall it....
And so, my life goes on a wave of content and discontent, happy and unhappy times revolved and I had no control on my emotions and feelings.
Until few days ago, I read someone else blog, and then I noticed it was a lament about no friends to listen to, craving for love and support, and those feelings were those emotions that I had been experiencing , that I had been trying to repress, and thus, I commented about it.
But one thing I noticed though, she was a very social girl, and no doubt, she should have a lot of good friends that will listen to her, hence, why the whine? This question has been doubting me quite some time, and I thought, maybe a reminder of her asking for her friend help is a good thing.
And the reply somehow, left me confounded " because I am scared of losing reliance ".
This is an answer that reminded me, of the very notion why I am isolating myself, and I feel like talking with her, but then again, the inferiority complex had gained a triumph over me, and tell me not to do that.
And so, I think, the best thing I might be able to do, is to give her a quote that I used to like..."the dancing rain quote, and after some google search, I managed to find the whole quote back, and shamelessly copy and paste into her comment.
I don't know whether she reads my blog or not, but if she does, and feel like needing an ear, she can always shoot me a message en email, not because of pity or etc, but simply because her blog is a good spot to procrastinate, and get back my hope pumped up in study, and it's certainly a waste to have those inspirational post disappeared
and talk about today, i was so sad that...
Huh? I feel much better now.
And now I noticed what this blog for.
By typing every single word in this post, I was directly conversing to myself, and as my mind sort to figure things out when I vented out my feeling, my mind just feel better.
Or maybe because the lengthy post and thinking process made me stop thinking how unlucky I am, or maybe it's because I sorted things up as I typed all these lengthy stuff....
Funny, maybe it is the right method of blogging, a way of venting out and sorting things out in process. two in a time
and shrug, laplace transformation
Monday, October 25, 2010
An unexpected scare
It was 11pm in the night, I was having some "business" in my toilet, toying with my cellphone while I was stuck in toilet.
The cellphone blared, interrupting my cell phone games, and I know, it's my sister again. It actually sent a chill down my spine, as my sister wasn't exactly a silent type person. And I certainly don't enjoy my sister asking me whether I am single or not. Even though I tried to hint her that I am busy, she doesn't seem to get it ( or rather ignore it), and proceeded with her 30 minutes talk...
Well, guess I'll answer the phone, I hesitated a moment and click the receive button.
What I don't expect though, is the following sentences from her...
" Mother has been in hospital " .
Huh?
You can't be kidding me!
Wait, this must be a mistake, I convinced myself to calm down, and ask my sister again, and she came with the same dreaded sentence again...
What? Is all I can say.
And the dreadful transmission started to take a toll on my phone, as my sister tried to utter some sentences I can't hear clear enough, and after few minutes, when things finally cool down, I barely understand the situation.
"Mom was taking a walk with the dog, when she saw an untied Rottweiler , she got scared and get panicked, and fall down because of that..."
Believe me, I actually breathed a sigh of relief. And I asked my sister about my mother's condition, she just replied " a not so serious eye damaged, and some bruise here and there.
And I finally able to relax, when my mother answered the phone, and said that she only suffered some minimal skin damage. And she proceeded on how my aunt able to convince ( or force, to be exact ) the dog owner to pay the bill... and she do it in her "own way", my mom said
PHEEEWWW...............
Perhaps it's a very weird response from me, but my experiences with hospital wasn't exactly a good one. When I was form 3, my mother got admitted into hospital, and get diagnosed with cancer...and I knew it because my aunt talked me through the phone.
And in these past 1 - 2 years and so, I had 1-2 experiences getting an innocent looking phone-call, but turned out to be my mom get admitted to hospital for some another unknown diseases again...I had no idea...no idea...when after 4-5 years of peaceful times, I would get another cellphone call, telling me that my mother is in hospital again...
And of course, I am very relieved when it was just some injury, which is minor compared to some unknown diseases that got my mom lying in the white bed for days......
I thought about all those tough times my mother had faced, and how she managed to overcome it, while successfully bringing her son to study in the university, I can't help but to think my emotional problems are very much petty compared to hers. For a second, I am ashamed...for me making a storm out of teacup because of some emotional problems I had faced during these years
And I think I got another reason to study, shrug, I guess.
Mom, please be ok.
Jin Khang
The cellphone blared, interrupting my cell phone games, and I know, it's my sister again. It actually sent a chill down my spine, as my sister wasn't exactly a silent type person. And I certainly don't enjoy my sister asking me whether I am single or not. Even though I tried to hint her that I am busy, she doesn't seem to get it ( or rather ignore it), and proceeded with her 30 minutes talk...
Well, guess I'll answer the phone, I hesitated a moment and click the receive button.
What I don't expect though, is the following sentences from her...
" Mother has been in hospital " .
Huh?
You can't be kidding me!
Wait, this must be a mistake, I convinced myself to calm down, and ask my sister again, and she came with the same dreaded sentence again...
What? Is all I can say.
And the dreadful transmission started to take a toll on my phone, as my sister tried to utter some sentences I can't hear clear enough, and after few minutes, when things finally cool down, I barely understand the situation.
"Mom was taking a walk with the dog, when she saw an untied Rottweiler , she got scared and get panicked, and fall down because of that..."
Believe me, I actually breathed a sigh of relief. And I asked my sister about my mother's condition, she just replied " a not so serious eye damaged, and some bruise here and there.
And I finally able to relax, when my mother answered the phone, and said that she only suffered some minimal skin damage. And she proceeded on how my aunt able to convince ( or force, to be exact ) the dog owner to pay the bill... and she do it in her "own way", my mom said
PHEEEWWW...............
Perhaps it's a very weird response from me, but my experiences with hospital wasn't exactly a good one. When I was form 3, my mother got admitted into hospital, and get diagnosed with cancer...and I knew it because my aunt talked me through the phone.
And in these past 1 - 2 years and so, I had 1-2 experiences getting an innocent looking phone-call, but turned out to be my mom get admitted to hospital for some another unknown diseases again...I had no idea...no idea...when after 4-5 years of peaceful times, I would get another cellphone call, telling me that my mother is in hospital again...
And of course, I am very relieved when it was just some injury, which is minor compared to some unknown diseases that got my mom lying in the white bed for days......
I thought about all those tough times my mother had faced, and how she managed to overcome it, while successfully bringing her son to study in the university, I can't help but to think my emotional problems are very much petty compared to hers. For a second, I am ashamed...for me making a storm out of teacup because of some emotional problems I had faced during these years
And I think I got another reason to study, shrug, I guess.
Mom, please be ok.
Jin Khang
Friday, October 22, 2010
A small hi
I decide to continue, despite the bitter feeling that has been around me for quite some time.
Time to say Hi to those busy days. And find back the me that can still smile when work is piling up.
Yep, a broken feet and some ( not some, a lot, but anyway ) chattering won't stop me from finishing my stuff on time.
Hello, midnight, as welcoming as ever
Edward
Time to say Hi to those busy days. And find back the me that can still smile when work is piling up.
Yep, a broken feet and some ( not some, a lot, but anyway ) chattering won't stop me from finishing my stuff on time.
Hello, midnight, as welcoming as ever
Edward
Saturday, October 16, 2010
For the first time
I don't know how is laughing behind me.
I don't know how to believe
I don't know who's friend and who's not
I don't know whether I'm bothered or not.
But for the first time,
I know I actually cared about my image
A tarnished one, a condemned one
For years people either think I am a nuisance
or I am a fool
And for years I accepted people looking me
as a lool
But for the first time
I don't
And I shall get a new change today
And I shall shut down my heart
And I shall shut down my faith
For the sake of an already fragile image
A castle of thorns
Is better than a thorough despised lair
A castle of thorns
Is better than a thorough despised lair
And from now on
People shall looks the castle and not the room
But just for tonight
People shall looks the castle and not the room
But just for tonight
I don't understand who I can turn to when there's trouble
And yet for tonight
I truly understand how alone I am really be
And after tonight
I will never understand what dependent is.
And after tonight
I will never understand what dependent is.
And perhaps night to come
I will savor the bitter fruit of maturity
The fruit of pretentious and hypocrisy
I will savor the bitter fruit of maturity
The fruit of pretentious and hypocrisy
Edward
Code to bind to
正康
察言观色，见风使舵，与人周旋，八面玲珑，见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话。
我做不到。 这几十年来， 我做不到。
我自己认为的友善，是人眼中的傻瓜。
没关系，房友没说错。我是时候改变了。从今天开始，我会板起我的脸，脸中，一就是认真，一，就是奉承，一就，就是客套起来。
在美国，客套这一套，我变得很了得。 但是，从今天起，那些要我和他客套的人，将不会是我的朋友，只能是熟人，和路人没差别。我会学会板起脸孔， 也不会再讲一句和自己有关的东西，也不会再往自己头上踩。
我的好房友，我在讥笑你，无非是要你知道，你的态度，会弄你兜不完，你却说我是个傻瓜，也仅为这样我才知道那些我和他友善的人，都是他们眼中的傻瓜。
察言观色，见风使舵，与人周旋，八面玲珑，见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话。
我做不到。 这几十年来， 我做不到。
我自己认为的友善，是人眼中的傻瓜。
没关系，房友没说错。我是时候改变了。从今天开始，我会板起我的脸，脸中，一就是认真，一，就是奉承，一就，就是客套起来。
在美国，客套这一套，我变得很了得。 但是，从今天起，那些要我和他客套的人，将不会是我的朋友，只能是熟人，和路人没差别。我会学会板起脸孔， 也不会再讲一句和自己有关的东西，也不会再往自己头上踩。
我的好房友，我在讥笑你，无非是要你知道，你的态度，会弄你兜不完，你却说我是个傻瓜，也仅为这样我才知道那些我和他友善的人，都是他们眼中的傻瓜。
说真的，我真的很天真，以为和你们闹着，就代表我们友情不错。 原来，我只是一个傻瓜。除了一些好朋友之外， 我想要和你们说。你要我客气，我可没问题。你叫我JK，我会叫你给我个正统的叫法，否则我会不理你。
说我认命，我认命了。我情愿虚伪起来，也不要做个小丑。 从今已后，你在大众将死，会由我来代替。
但我希望，这个世界，会有一些人会不管理节的和你友好。但只要一天，他还是会像我一样，所以从今起，我不会在后面酸人
爱德华
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