Ape tu fb?

Rumor had it that "facebook"  was a dreadful little webpage, that will make u face-hooked and in the long run, your whole face, your whole body will emit out a bookish (a.k.a nerdy) aura because you will be sitting in your PC, browsing through people status, playing those retard-ish mini games, commenting on people's breakfast etc...etc...until you forget there's a quiz waiting for you, there's an exam waiting, and there's life waiting for you outside there......

Hell yeah, I deleted the facebook account of mine, and after 2 hours, my mind was on a tug of war...and there's a voice whispering" wei, wanna recover your faceook profile? "

Woof, go away....

Voice : Eh, u sure ah? Have you forgotten your mafia war ? Your character has reached 256 level, you should be able to level up your character and....be the king of mafia...

I : Just...just shut up

Voice : come on, facebook don't waste your time for long. You can still browse for 10-20 minutes to relax yourself while doing your homework.

.

I : The bad part is, sometimes it is 1-2 hours

Voice  :  But you gonna get outdated...I know you must be curious what 's people are talking now...

I : enough T_T

Voice : Saint paul is such  a lonely place, it was because facebook you maintained your sanity...

I : And that's pathetic, right?

Voice : Huh, hey listen...

I : mantra: ....thermodynamics, deform body mechanics, evolution and biology, material science, strain, stress, young modulus, FCC, BCC....

Voice : Huhhhhhhhh?????????????????/

Plain nice........

Day 2

Life's getting harder than it supposed to be, and every wake was another indication to face another challenging day, and when dream is the last resort to escape from reality, I wonder, is dream my reality or is my reality a dream?

Regardless, life has to go on. And I wasn't that pathetic to whine or give up yet.

A new semester...new?

New..?

Today I fall asleep on my first day class, which is really an epic occurrence. The class was only 50 minutes, yet the professor hopped into the textbook after introducing the course, blabbering about elements and etc which I had no idea at all...It was just too sudden...and thus to prevent myself from going insanity, my brain made a move- dozing off...And right now, I was regretting for being asleep in the class...after all, falling asleep in a first day class is really an epic occurence, perhaps, an omen indicating my doom on this course >.<

A new semester...huh? I ever doubt it was new. Perhaps the courses had changed, perhaps the professors changed, but the unfamiliar face around me, the incoming exams and homework, disappointments and resentments, all of those, are just those old things I faced last semesters.

The only difference is however - I anticipated those stuff coming.

And while waiting for next class, I did the same thing I do in the semester before - sitting alone with a computer and wasting my time by surfing the net.

Isn't it the same?

, 

Neo Genesis Evangelion

Perhaps I could blame my sleepy first day to this anime, which I finished in two days...It was a really weird anime, it was supposed to be an anime about robots fighting to save the world, but the ending was really weird, and it makes me wonder...does the the ending has any correlation with the previous episode?

In the ending scene, the main character, a 14 years old boy, was bombarded with a series of questions about himself, and while the main character attempted to answer each of them, each of his answers creates more difficult questions that puzzled the main character more. 

And while I was cursing WTH when the ending starts, I couldn't bring myself to close the ending and take a nap. I had to admit, I was anticipating the answer from main character each time a question was bombarded to him. And due to these anticipations, I stayed and finished the ending - even though the ending was not some robot fighting scene, but more of like a Q@A session within the main character.I started to find myself resembling this character - fear of loneliness, yet feeling comfortable during alone times, seeking for approval in life, blaming on people for own problem, and not facing my true self with a honest heart.

While the main character was liberated in the end, I was not. A shell...was better to me after all... 

I must say..this anime is going to bug my mind for quite some time....

Dota? Anime?

I had made resolutions to desert anime, dota, games and etc for the sake of study. But none of them was done successfully. However, thanks to these 18 days of consecutively dota and anime, I couldn't bring myself to play another dota game now. Nor can I watched another series of anime, after having my mind bugged with Evangelion...

Seems like the only thing I can do is study...

Well, so I guess I ditch dota and anime for now. Study seems to be a more viable choice than these two.

And well~~~maybe to make my study more enjoyable, I guess I will aim for a 4.00 cgpa.

The wave - A wave of pain and discontent

Preface
本是踌躇满志，到最后万念俱灰， 人生两大悲剧，我可通通碰上了。


This might be how life works, sometimes, things around you are so good, that you can't find a good reason to sad, however, sometimes in your life, things might occur to you like in barrage of gunfire, that makes you unable to find a reason to be cheerful.


During those happy and unhappy days, I documented in my blog. When glancing back at the 100 posts that I made, sometimes, I might look at a very emotional piece, and wondering why was I that depressed. On other hand, some "positive post" will make me ponder " am I used to be a cheerful person like this before.


Things changed, ephemeral, the "me" in the past is not the " now " , and for sure, the "me" now might not be the "me" in the future. As times goes by, it washed the joy and pain, bringing new joys and pain, thus, shaping an another me in the process.


I had no idea which one is right - the optimistic me, or the pessimist me. All I know is, I am now on the lower phase on my life, and while those pains were intact to me, I shall write it on my own memento, and maybe somewhere in the future, I could look at this post with a smile.


I am now depressed, maybe now, maybe 1 days later, I am still depressed, but someday, once the wave of life turn to another tide, I might not depress.


Meanwhile, I shall wait the life turn to another phase, although I never know how long.


HAPPINESS


永久快乐和幸福，只有在童话故事发生。就算多开心也好，悲伤迟早会随而遁形。你可以选择如何看这世界。但此刻的我，相信世界和童话是两码事。


* We all hated unhappiness, we hate them, we dwell ourselves into entertainment, numbing our senses, we share our pain, so that it be less, we avoid them, we solve them, we just don't want unhappiness to revolve around our life.


Yet unknowingly,we might create more pending unhappiness in the future, in the process of fending off unhappiness. A dwell of alcohol to escape stress makes your life worse, an outburst because of releasing stress might led another stream of problem to you, which again, loads of unhappiness. * 


Unhappiness - before I was 13, it was because of parents not buying a game console, however, after I was 13. Unhappiness was something else, which might be somewhere etched deep in my mind, waiting for the right time for it to reemerge.


POST 1
I split up with my friends when I was form 1. Those friends that mixed around me despite I being labelled as a menace, they were all gone, leaving me with a new environment. It was perhaps that time, my wave of life coming to a drastic turn-down......


Apparently, I was picked up by some bullies, and luckily though, I suffered no physical damage, as those punks never had the courage for a real deal. However, verbal abuses, nick-calling, taunt of violence never cease during that time, to the point when I had to carry a penknife, or something sharp for defense purpose.


That was life in the hell. Endless nicknames, endless taunt, and my rebellious nature with teacher made it worse (to the point that I hate teachers), made my form 1 life a hell. It was the time when no friends and foe are known ( as a friend of mine turned out to be the one picking me up). It was time when people never stand up and defend for you, as they will have agree me as a menace myself. It was the time when I savored loneliness, the another unhappiness I never experienced- from walking to canteen alone, to studying in the library alone by myself.


Those menace, some of them are now missing after form 1, some of them changed, and some of them, perhaps I could blurt it up, became lowest life form worse than human. However, to swallow up unhappiness, while makes me tormented mentally sometimes, makes me able to weather through the other unhappiness alone.


POST 2


孤独毫无否认，非常的难受，但是若你没有承受孤单的勇气， 你会发现你所谓的自我，会消失在你无数的人生面具中。


My nightmarish form 1 ended unexpectedly with me being unscathed, however, soon enough, another type of loneliness dwell in - the outcast situation. When group of my friends started to gather around, the guy, discussing on animes and games, and handphone, while girls, discussing about the latest album and singers. The contradiction was, I was the only few people that never know what they are talking, as computer was a gizmo for me, and books were the only past-time during those time.


There are attempts of joining conversation, however it failed miserably, and only earning me other jokes and perhaps some name-calling. Pathetic efforts were done, but in the end, life could be easier if I just stayed quiet and dwell to my own world of fantasy, while continuing with loads of mistake that  made me being stranded more.


* From a 3rd eye view, this is merely a blame of own situation to the society, however, being me in part in the story, I will rather blame the whole world than me, and I believe some of us do." *


POST 3
踩踏别人来抬高自己身份，对你对他，都是可悲


In this society, there are types of people, that seek self recognition by degrading others. Those kind of people, however, is not surprisingly scarce, in fact many of us, do, seek self recognition by the act of degrading others. For example, by calling someone else stupid, you are indirectly implying that


1. You are clever.
2. You are better than the person.
3. You are better.


We had people that looked at other's misfortune to see how fortunate they are, however, we had also people that seek, by criticizing people different from your view, indirectly stating that your view is correct.  However, it shall not be confused with advice because, there's a obvious between the two...the former makes u mad, the later changes ur mind.


I had met a lot of people with this kind of behavior, from my secondary school life until now, in university life, that subconsciously (or consciously) derogating people to reaffirm themselves. However, I had learn enough lesson to let myself infuriated, and learn to ignore those comments that made my day worse.


* Egoistical people thinks the world revolve around his axis, while IT IS ACTUALLY TRUE, they didn't notice that the world revolves around other people's  axis too. It's simple, all people in the world are standing on axis that revolves the world. Why? The world is round, EVERY POINT ON WORLD IS AN AXIS.


Those "constructive comments" left me tears and sweat, but now, it left me a smirk.


狗眼看人低


Part4


人生的道路上，你的开心建在人的痛苦上，你的幸福，往往是人家的地狱。你所谓的废物，可能是人家的珍宝。 世界虽是如此，但你什么也不必做，因为人生就是如此。


 但是，当你被仇恨时，与其摆出一个道岸貌然的样子， 你必须承认你也有所责， 无论多妙少也好，因为，你的每个字，可以塑造每个人的天堂，或地狱。


Everyone of us, unknowingly, cause a person's life to be happy or miserably, unknowingly by a single sentence, a single action, which you might regard as "negligible", might turned out to be something that's important to people.


However, each time we faced the accuse of hurting people, we never felt responsible for it, maybe moral justify your action, maybe the world's norma supported your action. But still, a blatant refusal of responsibility, is always a pathetic act...


I first greatly impacted by the anime "Jigouku Shoujo" , in which the story features a girl as an agent to send people to hell. 


Lots of people that are send to hell are evil criminals, however, some of the people, designated to go to hell, only done - a tiny prank ( a v sign on a dead people ) , words of despise ( rude to the loved ones), a wrongly spoke sentence,  a unintentional derogatory statement. Those people were sent to hell because of those things that might appear petty to us, " a joke, a prank."


The moral of the anime is to tell us the true nature of human's hatred, but at the same time, it told us how we could make a person life a heaven or a hell.


We, unknowingly, done some action that regarded as offensive to others, however, no matter how "weird" their reason is, please prepare to listen for it.


A simple derogatory statement makes a people's hell, a simple gratitude statement makes a people's heaven.






P.S. - My mood is much better after typing up a 1000 word essay (or crap). It might be offensive, but then again, I might apologize, but I refuse to change every single word that I posted today  

A story to share (part 0)

Oh, today is thanksgiving. However, instead of engaging in massive shopping or eating this guy below~ ~

I stayed in my room, having an Otaku life of watching anime, and woke up late, missing the chance to have my free thanksgiving meal. Well, not that I care about turkey, because after all...I ate a turkey before~~

Well, at least it's still turkey : ). And it costs one buck to have such a wholesale meal. I think I should stock some of these guys next time I go shopping. However..., speaking about shopping, I unfortunately in a situation that could only be described by this picture...~~~

While friends of mine might go to Gucci, Prada Jimmy Choo shopping spree, my dream of getting a decent desk lamp, a 8GB memory card and rice cooker with a cheap price came into bubble when the bank account showed a cute 12.00USD in my TCF bank account.

So huh?! JPA didn't bank in my allowance after all. And as I imagined my friends enjoying themselves in Chicago, or shopping spree in Albertville, I was forced to stay in my own room, alone while others enjoying good company and using those money for a shipping spree. It's a competition of time, whether I will get my money before I starved to death or before I was unable to pay my rent...

Hatred...Jealousy...Feelings of injustice soaked into my mind as I stayed in my room in this holiday...well, this image suits the best

                                                           

Well, why am I posting this pic?

And thus after this introduction post, I shall introduce and tell you the story of mine.

P.S. Guess who the girl is, an Anime character, and also part of reason I missed my free turkey =p.

T . T

Sorry, I have been wanting to go Chicago to meet all of you, but sadly, It just felt wrong when I had to ask people to borrow money for rent while going Chicago at the same time...and this was the painful choice I had to made....

Missing those penn state people, in this last 3 months in INTEC, we had really good times together, regardless of DoTA, or other thing else, I really wanna see that naughty skeleton face, the innocent boon hui look, the preverted Ben, the Sam's evil smirk, and the hoong Ching 's Z looking attitude...

And also wei young, the guy that could be angel and devil at same time, Chin Jian, Jia Mun, and etc and had a good complains and debate of life...

There are many people I wanted to see and talk too, instead of get stuck in room in Thanksgiving. Nevertheless, and sorry, I couldn't make it.

May my wishes with you all.

重要的东西总是难以发现-银魂EP 104

A：

我孤独一人并不是我的错。

我什么都没有错。

都是无能，因为他们太无能了。

我和他们居住的世界不一样

我是被选中的人。

无法接受孤独，而将孤独的责人怪罪他人。

害怕被人拒绝，于是就先自己拒绝自己。

害怕受到伤害，于是便演上爱上孤独的戏。

心里便形成个围墙。

为此，唯独想将才华昭示于天下的表现欲。

日欲不断膨胀，希望可以得到别人的认可。

即时得到认可也得不到满足。

我能更有所就，我和你们不一样。

我要让你们体会到我的存在。

B：

你所追寻的，并不是可以了解你的人

A：

不知不觉我就忘记了

我真正想得到的

不是名誉，钱财，地位，才能这些。

甚至不是能了解自己的人

我只不过希望有人能在我身边

只是希望有人能关注我

只是讨厌孤独一个人

只是。。。。

只是想要能从正面真正接受我的同伴

从正面看着我

想要能从正面和我交手的人

只是想要得到同伴。

我想要的东西。。

很早以前就一直在这里了

我想要的东西

很久以前早已结上了

Quoted from Gintama - Episode 103