The wave - A wave of pain and discontent

Preface
本是踌躇满志，到最后万念俱灰， 人生两大悲剧，我可通通碰上了。


This might be how life works, sometimes, things around you are so good, that you can't find a good reason to sad, however, sometimes in your life, things might occur to you like in barrage of gunfire, that makes you unable to find a reason to be cheerful.


During those happy and unhappy days, I documented in my blog. When glancing back at the 100 posts that I made, sometimes, I might look at a very emotional piece, and wondering why was I that depressed. On other hand, some "positive post" will make me ponder " am I used to be a cheerful person like this before.


Things changed, ephemeral, the "me" in the past is not the " now " , and for sure, the "me" now might not be the "me" in the future. As times goes by, it washed the joy and pain, bringing new joys and pain, thus, shaping an another me in the process.


I had no idea which one is right - the optimistic me, or the pessimist me. All I know is, I am now on the lower phase on my life, and while those pains were intact to me, I shall write it on my own memento, and maybe somewhere in the future, I could look at this post with a smile.


I am now depressed, maybe now, maybe 1 days later, I am still depressed, but someday, once the wave of life turn to another tide, I might not depress.


Meanwhile, I shall wait the life turn to another phase, although I never know how long.


HAPPINESS


永久快乐和幸福，只有在童话故事发生。就算多开心也好，悲伤迟早会随而遁形。你可以选择如何看这世界。但此刻的我，相信世界和童话是两码事。


* We all hated unhappiness, we hate them, we dwell ourselves into entertainment, numbing our senses, we share our pain, so that it be less, we avoid them, we solve them, we just don't want unhappiness to revolve around our life.


Yet unknowingly,we might create more pending unhappiness in the future, in the process of fending off unhappiness. A dwell of alcohol to escape stress makes your life worse, an outburst because of releasing stress might led another stream of problem to you, which again, loads of unhappiness. * 


Unhappiness - before I was 13, it was because of parents not buying a game console, however, after I was 13. Unhappiness was something else, which might be somewhere etched deep in my mind, waiting for the right time for it to reemerge.


POST 1
I split up with my friends when I was form 1. Those friends that mixed around me despite I being labelled as a menace, they were all gone, leaving me with a new environment. It was perhaps that time, my wave of life coming to a drastic turn-down......


Apparently, I was picked up by some bullies, and luckily though, I suffered no physical damage, as those punks never had the courage for a real deal. However, verbal abuses, nick-calling, taunt of violence never cease during that time, to the point when I had to carry a penknife, or something sharp for defense purpose.


That was life in the hell. Endless nicknames, endless taunt, and my rebellious nature with teacher made it worse (to the point that I hate teachers), made my form 1 life a hell. It was the time when no friends and foe are known ( as a friend of mine turned out to be the one picking me up). It was time when people never stand up and defend for you, as they will have agree me as a menace myself. It was the time when I savored loneliness, the another unhappiness I never experienced- from walking to canteen alone, to studying in the library alone by myself.


Those menace, some of them are now missing after form 1, some of them changed, and some of them, perhaps I could blurt it up, became lowest life form worse than human. However, to swallow up unhappiness, while makes me tormented mentally sometimes, makes me able to weather through the other unhappiness alone.


POST 2


孤独毫无否认，非常的难受，但是若你没有承受孤单的勇气， 你会发现你所谓的自我，会消失在你无数的人生面具中。


My nightmarish form 1 ended unexpectedly with me being unscathed, however, soon enough, another type of loneliness dwell in - the outcast situation. When group of my friends started to gather around, the guy, discussing on animes and games, and handphone, while girls, discussing about the latest album and singers. The contradiction was, I was the only few people that never know what they are talking, as computer was a gizmo for me, and books were the only past-time during those time.


There are attempts of joining conversation, however it failed miserably, and only earning me other jokes and perhaps some name-calling. Pathetic efforts were done, but in the end, life could be easier if I just stayed quiet and dwell to my own world of fantasy, while continuing with loads of mistake that  made me being stranded more.


* From a 3rd eye view, this is merely a blame of own situation to the society, however, being me in part in the story, I will rather blame the whole world than me, and I believe some of us do." *


POST 3
踩踏别人来抬高自己身份，对你对他，都是可悲


In this society, there are types of people, that seek self recognition by degrading others. Those kind of people, however, is not surprisingly scarce, in fact many of us, do, seek self recognition by the act of degrading others. For example, by calling someone else stupid, you are indirectly implying that


1. You are clever.
2. You are better than the person.
3. You are better.


We had people that looked at other's misfortune to see how fortunate they are, however, we had also people that seek, by criticizing people different from your view, indirectly stating that your view is correct.  However, it shall not be confused with advice because, there's a obvious between the two...the former makes u mad, the later changes ur mind.


I had met a lot of people with this kind of behavior, from my secondary school life until now, in university life, that subconsciously (or consciously) derogating people to reaffirm themselves. However, I had learn enough lesson to let myself infuriated, and learn to ignore those comments that made my day worse.


* Egoistical people thinks the world revolve around his axis, while IT IS ACTUALLY TRUE, they didn't notice that the world revolves around other people's  axis too. It's simple, all people in the world are standing on axis that revolves the world. Why? The world is round, EVERY POINT ON WORLD IS AN AXIS.


Those "constructive comments" left me tears and sweat, but now, it left me a smirk.


狗眼看人低


Part4


人生的道路上，你的开心建在人的痛苦上，你的幸福，往往是人家的地狱。你所谓的废物，可能是人家的珍宝。 世界虽是如此，但你什么也不必做，因为人生就是如此。


 但是，当你被仇恨时，与其摆出一个道岸貌然的样子， 你必须承认你也有所责， 无论多妙少也好，因为，你的每个字，可以塑造每个人的天堂，或地狱。


Everyone of us, unknowingly, cause a person's life to be happy or miserably, unknowingly by a single sentence, a single action, which you might regard as "negligible", might turned out to be something that's important to people.


However, each time we faced the accuse of hurting people, we never felt responsible for it, maybe moral justify your action, maybe the world's norma supported your action. But still, a blatant refusal of responsibility, is always a pathetic act...


I first greatly impacted by the anime "Jigouku Shoujo" , in which the story features a girl as an agent to send people to hell. 


Lots of people that are send to hell are evil criminals, however, some of the people, designated to go to hell, only done - a tiny prank ( a v sign on a dead people ) , words of despise ( rude to the loved ones), a wrongly spoke sentence,  a unintentional derogatory statement. Those people were sent to hell because of those things that might appear petty to us, " a joke, a prank."


The moral of the anime is to tell us the true nature of human's hatred, but at the same time, it told us how we could make a person life a heaven or a hell.


We, unknowingly, done some action that regarded as offensive to others, however, no matter how "weird" their reason is, please prepare to listen for it.


A simple derogatory statement makes a people's hell, a simple gratitude statement makes a people's heaven.






P.S. - My mood is much better after typing up a 1000 word essay (or crap). It might be offensive, but then again, I might apologize, but I refuse to change every single word that I posted today