Happy?

A quote from Miss Yuin Yi blog

What I don't understand is, how anyone can be so negative looking at life. Are there really no reasons to be happy? How can there be NO reasons to be happy? Nil? Big fat zero? Be sad for all you want over something, but NO reasons to be happy? How can that be? Are there really no solutions, no way out of sorrow......

I had been asking this question to myself a lot of time...

Why can't you just feel happy to yourself sometimes? Why it was always the typical cursing, the typical "old bored " face, the typical harsh comment....

I still remember how my friends sad after I addressed them as mere "acquaintence"......

I'm not sure whether Yuin Yi was refering me, but I'm think I am one of the people that just can't find the reason...

"Why should you happy?"

Another quote from friend during trips to Penang...
"You're the youngest among four of us, yet you look like the oldest people among us. Nobody will believe you if you said you're not eighteen...

Then only I realized that my pesimism had really take a toll on me, so powerful that it even change my look...I looked at the mirror and somehow the word ols and "pesimism" is written on my face...

And after all these years, I believe that I had forgotten how to smile, perhaps the only thing I can do is a bitter grin...

"Jin Khang, smile more, not like that, a king should be happy, not like that,"--A quote from the frustated director of Ko-Pln...

However, how desperate it seems, I just can't smile happily...all i can is just a bitter grin...

And I always wondered why Hafidz and Yuin Yi can smile so much just after they played a frisbee game...

I had been looking this world in a sad perspective, perhaps part of them maybe is because of my sad past...however, my friend had once, cannot tolerate my "So Pesimistic" view said something like this...

"You think that you're the unluckiest guy in the world...You think you're the only one that had been teased by people all the time...You think that we haven't expereienced what you feel. Though I don't really know what you had experienced, as you never tell us before,"

"But you're not the only one that experienced misfortune..."

And the friend that I viewed him as optimistic, had made me speechless the whole night in Penang

Lastly, I still remember a question from Miss Sharifah, my psychology lecturer......It is not really a question directed to me, but it seems that I can't find any answer to him...

"why must we be happy?"

While everyone else keep answering the question, I just can't find a single clue from my mind to say...

I wanted to be happy because..................why?

Perhaps I was not contented with life
Perhaps I like to be trapped in a mindset "you're unlucky"
Perhaps I can't let my past burden go
Perhaps I was get used to be not to happy
Perhaps...Perhaps...I was having a psychological disease even......

Perhaps I should feel contented
Perhaps I should throw away the old past
Perhaps I should feel appreciative
Perhaps...Perhaps...I should see a counsellor =.=

Is that any reason to be happy?

Perhaps I had to think...