I decide to continue, despite the bitter feeling that has been around me for quite some time.
Time to say Hi to those busy days. And find back the me that can still smile when work is piling up.
Yep, a broken feet and some ( not some, a lot, but anyway ) chattering won't stop me from finishing my stuff on time.
Hello, midnight, as welcoming as ever
Edward
Friday, October 22, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
For the first time
I don't know how is laughing behind me.
I don't know how to believe
I don't know who's friend and who's not
I don't know whether I'm bothered or not.
But for the first time,
I know I actually cared about my image
A tarnished one, a condemned one
For years people either think I am a nuisance
or I am a fool
And for years I accepted people looking me
as a lool
But for the first time
I don't
And I shall get a new change today
And I shall shut down my heart
And I shall shut down my faith
For the sake of an already fragile image
A castle of thorns
Is better than a thorough despised lair
A castle of thorns
Is better than a thorough despised lair
And from now on
People shall looks the castle and not the room
But just for tonight
People shall looks the castle and not the room
But just for tonight
I don't understand who I can turn to when there's trouble
And yet for tonight
I truly understand how alone I am really be
And after tonight
I will never understand what dependent is.
And after tonight
I will never understand what dependent is.
And perhaps night to come
I will savor the bitter fruit of maturity
The fruit of pretentious and hypocrisy
I will savor the bitter fruit of maturity
The fruit of pretentious and hypocrisy
Edward
Code to bind to
正康
察言观色，见风使舵，与人周旋，八面玲珑，见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话。
我做不到。 这几十年来， 我做不到。
我自己认为的友善，是人眼中的傻瓜。
没关系，房友没说错。我是时候改变了。从今天开始，我会板起我的脸，脸中，一就是认真，一，就是奉承，一就，就是客套起来。
在美国，客套这一套，我变得很了得。 但是，从今天起，那些要我和他客套的人，将不会是我的朋友，只能是熟人，和路人没差别。我会学会板起脸孔， 也不会再讲一句和自己有关的东西，也不会再往自己头上踩。
我的好房友，我在讥笑你，无非是要你知道，你的态度，会弄你兜不完，你却说我是个傻瓜，也仅为这样我才知道那些我和他友善的人，都是他们眼中的傻瓜。
察言观色，见风使舵，与人周旋，八面玲珑，见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话。
我做不到。 这几十年来， 我做不到。
我自己认为的友善，是人眼中的傻瓜。
没关系，房友没说错。我是时候改变了。从今天开始，我会板起我的脸，脸中，一就是认真，一，就是奉承，一就，就是客套起来。
在美国，客套这一套，我变得很了得。 但是，从今天起，那些要我和他客套的人，将不会是我的朋友，只能是熟人，和路人没差别。我会学会板起脸孔， 也不会再讲一句和自己有关的东西，也不会再往自己头上踩。
我的好房友，我在讥笑你，无非是要你知道，你的态度，会弄你兜不完，你却说我是个傻瓜，也仅为这样我才知道那些我和他友善的人，都是他们眼中的傻瓜。
说真的，我真的很天真，以为和你们闹着，就代表我们友情不错。 原来，我只是一个傻瓜。除了一些好朋友之外， 我想要和你们说。你要我客气，我可没问题。你叫我JK，我会叫你给我个正统的叫法，否则我会不理你。
说我认命，我认命了。我情愿虚伪起来，也不要做个小丑。 从今已后，你在大众将死，会由我来代替。
但我希望，这个世界，会有一些人会不管理节的和你友好。但只要一天，他还是会像我一样，所以从今起，我不会在后面酸人
爱德华
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Cresendos of daily Z
From 8am to 9am : zzzzzzzzzz
From 9am to 10am : zzzzzzzzzzzz
From 11am to 1pm: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 1.30pm to 2.15pm :zzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 2:30 to 3:25pm : ______________________
From 3:25 to 4:30 :zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 4:30 to 7:30 : Z? (#$%^&*)
From 7:30 to 9:30 : zzzzzzzzzz
From 9:30 to 12:00 : zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 12:00 to 1:00 : zzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 2:00 to 4:00 :Z(?)
From 4:00 to 6:00 :zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
From 6:30 to 8:00 :zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Just found out I can do nth for 15 minutes, so decide to login to blog and write something random
Z
Thursday, September 16, 2010
.........
* this is a moaning post *...
I had enough of bad lucks and clumsiness = _ +
List of unlucky events ( this is a 4 year statistic )
- Losing a key and ended trapped outside for hours - 4 times
- Losing a key and ended trapped inside - 2 times
- Broken my pants during an event - 6 times
- leaving my stuff in people's place -countless
- leaving my bike in an unknown place - 4 times
- cellphone runs out of energy when i need an emergency call - 5 times
- property lost -countless
-spectacle broken - twice ( and often comes with dramatic event)
I guess, if there's an incurable disease, my clumsiness is one.........
* wall banging *
I had enough of bad lucks and clumsiness = _ +
List of unlucky events ( this is a 4 year statistic )
- Losing a key and ended trapped outside for hours - 4 times
- Losing a key and ended trapped inside - 2 times
- Broken my pants during an event - 6 times
- leaving my stuff in people's place -countless
- leaving my bike in an unknown place - 4 times
- cellphone runs out of energy when i need an emergency call - 5 times
- property lost -countless
-spectacle broken - twice ( and often comes with dramatic event)
I guess, if there's an incurable disease, my clumsiness is one.........
* wall banging *
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
A single story
If you are asked to sum up your characteristic and life in and tell it to others in one single story, which story would you picked? Or rather, can you depict yourself really well in one story.
For example, If I would, I may depict myself in a sad story, in which I am nerd, unlucky, single and not good-looking , and when I tell it to my friends, some will break my conversation and say, " It's not damn true, you are awfully lucky to have a scholarship," and etc etc.
Maybe I was unlucky in terms on my body possessions, but I am overall lucky, for violating the traffic rules for year and still ending up in one piece.
That's right. Humans are inherently complex animal, that you couldn't sum who they really are, with a single story. It's not to say that one single story of a person is not the truth, but rather, an incomplete truth, that tells you some, or little, or even, nothing, of the guy's personality.
What if I tell you there's one young guy, he was rebellious in nature, he did poorly in studies, he switched school for 3 times for that, and he has speech impediment. And If from this single story, you have to conclude what's the well-being person is, I doubt it will be a positive review...
Just to tell you, this guy in Winston Churchill, the prime minister of England during WW2
Yes, you couldn't never tell from that one single story, yet,
BUT we do tell what people are from the little single story. And often time, you could even say the race-relation in Malaysia is often shaped with one single story
When I was small, my aunt always quote those naughty kids as little Indians, and often times I get caught with this nicknames a few times because of my own mischievousness. And when I asked my aunt, why Indian, of all things, I remembered her answer " they are a bunch of uncivilized people " vaguely.
There's also one vivid scene I saw when I was a kid, in a Bollywood fighting scene, there's one guy fighting a number of bad villains. That heroic guy drunk a whole load of beer, whacked the beer on another villain, and proceeded with a fight that I could say "brutal". And that goes without saying, the two story I experienced becomes my "only definition" of Indians.
However, when I had an asthma attack, the doctor that cured me was an Indian. And back in Malaysia, every time there's a load of asthma attack or fever or injuries, it was that same Indian doctor that cured me outta from the mess.
And if I had not encountered that Indian doctor, I might still trapped in a story in which Indians are the bad guy in society, and yeah, just to let you know, my roommate was an Indian ( although he has the name Danish with him ).
And for Malays, it's the same case. My parents often tell myself "not to think like a Malay", and when I asked, they often said "Malays are a lazy group of people". And back when I was still young, there's whispering of my friend saying "Babi Melayu" , and also some newspaper article.
And there's one particular bad experiences I had with Malay, I was browsing net on a cafe when some bunch of Malay kids screams like amok for no reason at least for an hour, you could imagine my irritated feeling as I was actually doing my assignment on the cafe.
And all those things, after years, had finally summed me up one thing.Malays are lazy, good for nothing, rempit, useless without government, bad in English and a racial bunch. That, was the single story I had.
It was during my scholarship years, that the single story of mine changed. The two years shows me that a Malay can also be a hardworking bunch, rational dudes that able to speak English fluently as well. And they are not one of those peoples you could say as " good for nothing " people.
And despites of the racial waves incoming lately because of an issue, we have people for all races that refuses to be get carried by the emotional racism wave, yes, including those Malays.
It's a Utopian world to say there's no racist chinese and malays and Indians. But, the racist side of the story doesn't constitutes our behavior as a Malaysian. And when the politicians highlighted the race issues , often time, they are obsessed with the one story of racism we have, and ignored the stories of harmony we have in our country.
And lastly, for people that have a certain prejudiced feeling to a person, a group, a race, or even a country, I would implore you, not to look at the one face of the story and proceeded conclusion based on that. You know, when people judged you by their side of the story, you know that
they haven't seen you enough, and you know it because
There's never enough story to sum up a human.
For example, If I would, I may depict myself in a sad story, in which I am nerd, unlucky, single and not good-looking , and when I tell it to my friends, some will break my conversation and say, " It's not damn true, you are awfully lucky to have a scholarship," and etc etc.
Maybe I was unlucky in terms on my body possessions, but I am overall lucky, for violating the traffic rules for year and still ending up in one piece.
That's right. Humans are inherently complex animal, that you couldn't sum who they really are, with a single story. It's not to say that one single story of a person is not the truth, but rather, an incomplete truth, that tells you some, or little, or even, nothing, of the guy's personality.
What if I tell you there's one young guy, he was rebellious in nature, he did poorly in studies, he switched school for 3 times for that, and he has speech impediment. And If from this single story, you have to conclude what's the well-being person is, I doubt it will be a positive review...
Just to tell you, this guy in Winston Churchill, the prime minister of England during WW2
Yes, you couldn't never tell from that one single story, yet,
BUT we do tell what people are from the little single story. And often time, you could even say the race-relation in Malaysia is often shaped with one single story
When I was small, my aunt always quote those naughty kids as little Indians, and often times I get caught with this nicknames a few times because of my own mischievousness. And when I asked my aunt, why Indian, of all things, I remembered her answer " they are a bunch of uncivilized people " vaguely.
There's also one vivid scene I saw when I was a kid, in a Bollywood fighting scene, there's one guy fighting a number of bad villains. That heroic guy drunk a whole load of beer, whacked the beer on another villain, and proceeded with a fight that I could say "brutal". And that goes without saying, the two story I experienced becomes my "only definition" of Indians.
However, when I had an asthma attack, the doctor that cured me was an Indian. And back in Malaysia, every time there's a load of asthma attack or fever or injuries, it was that same Indian doctor that cured me outta from the mess.
And if I had not encountered that Indian doctor, I might still trapped in a story in which Indians are the bad guy in society, and yeah, just to let you know, my roommate was an Indian ( although he has the name Danish with him ).
And for Malays, it's the same case. My parents often tell myself "not to think like a Malay", and when I asked, they often said "Malays are a lazy group of people". And back when I was still young, there's whispering of my friend saying "Babi Melayu" , and also some newspaper article.
And there's one particular bad experiences I had with Malay, I was browsing net on a cafe when some bunch of Malay kids screams like amok for no reason at least for an hour, you could imagine my irritated feeling as I was actually doing my assignment on the cafe.
And all those things, after years, had finally summed me up one thing.Malays are lazy, good for nothing, rempit, useless without government, bad in English and a racial bunch. That, was the single story I had.
It was during my scholarship years, that the single story of mine changed. The two years shows me that a Malay can also be a hardworking bunch, rational dudes that able to speak English fluently as well. And they are not one of those peoples you could say as " good for nothing " people.
And despites of the racial waves incoming lately because of an issue, we have people for all races that refuses to be get carried by the emotional racism wave, yes, including those Malays.
It's a Utopian world to say there's no racist chinese and malays and Indians. But, the racist side of the story doesn't constitutes our behavior as a Malaysian. And when the politicians highlighted the race issues , often time, they are obsessed with the one story of racism we have, and ignored the stories of harmony we have in our country.
And lastly, for people that have a certain prejudiced feeling to a person, a group, a race, or even a country, I would implore you, not to look at the one face of the story and proceeded conclusion based on that. You know, when people judged you by their side of the story, you know that
they haven't seen you enough, and you know it because
There's never enough story to sum up a human.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
It's fall
Weeks ago, the place I was living can only be described as a scorching hell. I had no idea that I was hoping for such a scorching hell to land upon this land 6 months ago.
This new land was still full of surprise, even after one year. I wouldn't have imagined in one day that I would face the 4 walls of my room all day long. I wouldn't have imagined that I could actually live like an antisocial for a year, with my nearest friend being 4 miles away. Also, who could have imagined that I was using "miles" instead of "km" , fahrenheit "F" instead of celcius "C" . And how could I have imagined that I will interacting with those white peoples, the one you used to see in movies, will now be asking your order in McD.And how could I imagined myself that I would be saying thank you to a taxi driver, to some passerby that offered help, and to actually learn simple etiquette such as holding up a door to incoming person, and etc.
Malaysia was once labeled as third most rudest country. Before this, I laughed at the ridiculous report, now, I totally understand why.
The whites are portrayed as a proud and rude race, however, their customer service was not something you could have seen in Malaysia.I had seen bus drivers that played jazz on the bus ( even though there's a big sign of "no radio" ) , and also bus driver that chatted about "big bang" with a graduate, and also others that able to keep a gruffly smile on those people.It's like things are revolving around them with their own pace, and dang, although I had been working since young, I would really have to salute those guys. Customer respect seems to be something that was built into them...
Regretfully, I couldn't break up the social cell that's restricting me for this year being, ( more recluse if you ask ). However, with a new fall, it's a new starting point. I quitted the Dreadful of the Ancient (DoTA), once my signature, and yeah, what else I couldn't accomplish if I actually get rid the 6 years old habit...
Blogger, the last semester was a tear of loneliness, with a mix of regretful, some sprinkle of helplessness, and a tidbit of fear. I hope, things are not too late eh, since it's a new semester year.
And finally, the old scorching hell was gone, replaced by the chilling cold that I had been experiencing last year.
A new year dude, hurl on!
This new land was still full of surprise, even after one year. I wouldn't have imagined in one day that I would face the 4 walls of my room all day long. I wouldn't have imagined that I could actually live like an antisocial for a year, with my nearest friend being 4 miles away. Also, who could have imagined that I was using "miles" instead of "km" , fahrenheit "F" instead of celcius "C" . And how could I have imagined that I will interacting with those white peoples, the one you used to see in movies, will now be asking your order in McD.And how could I imagined myself that I would be saying thank you to a taxi driver, to some passerby that offered help, and to actually learn simple etiquette such as holding up a door to incoming person, and etc.
Malaysia was once labeled as third most rudest country. Before this, I laughed at the ridiculous report, now, I totally understand why.
The whites are portrayed as a proud and rude race, however, their customer service was not something you could have seen in Malaysia.I had seen bus drivers that played jazz on the bus ( even though there's a big sign of "no radio" ) , and also bus driver that chatted about "big bang" with a graduate, and also others that able to keep a gruffly smile on those people.It's like things are revolving around them with their own pace, and dang, although I had been working since young, I would really have to salute those guys. Customer respect seems to be something that was built into them...
Regretfully, I couldn't break up the social cell that's restricting me for this year being, ( more recluse if you ask ). However, with a new fall, it's a new starting point. I quitted the Dreadful of the Ancient (DoTA), once my signature, and yeah, what else I couldn't accomplish if I actually get rid the 6 years old habit...
Blogger, the last semester was a tear of loneliness, with a mix of regretful, some sprinkle of helplessness, and a tidbit of fear. I hope, things are not too late eh, since it's a new semester year.
And finally, the old scorching hell was gone, replaced by the chilling cold that I had been experiencing last year.
A new year dude, hurl on!
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