我失恋了。

我失恋了。

吓米？这可不是很久以前就已经发生得事嘛？

该有整年了。。。

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想回那时可真得有点可气又可笑。什么都没做，无端端学人跑去个告白。当时再想回，那女生可是够烦恼的。她可要在男方不被伤害的情况下（即是在下）坦然的那杯不好喝的茶（也是在下）给拒绝掉，而且她还得在什么都搞不清楚的情况下，就受了我这个辣手炸弹（告白）。

想了又想，我可真的做了不少好事，全应那一个不成熟的告白。

但那时的我血气方刚，受到了那段 “仍然是朋友”的回答，性情可是沉了一下。虽然早已在意料之中，但还泪是忍不住夺眶而流。心想 “惨了，见到她是，该怎么办?? "

读书也没性情，心里除了无奈，还是无奈。

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昨天和一斑INTEC朋友去Sunway看戏，又见回那曾经让我神魂颠倒的女神，依旧是那纯真无邪的眼神，依旧是那可爱的样。在的士上，谈了一下，她依然津津有味的谈起我以前的臭事。心中突然有股庆幸的感觉 "她还记得啊！”。从谈吐而言，她依旧是一年前的她

但我已不是一年前的我。

不会再应一些蛛丝马迹而搞的自己无故神魂颠倒，不会应某种冲动搞杂自己的友情。

这一年，暗恋，妒忌，仰慕，到失恋，就像一杯甘苦的茶，虽不好受，但也学了，感受了，茶中苦里的甘甜。 至少我知道 "像我这种缺负责任男生，恋爱前，得练好自己先。

失恋，被拒绝虽不好受，但是庆幸是依能有说有笑。还能可以“仍然是朋友”。 这整年的朋友，让我看见了以前所看不到的。看见了她无邪后面的成熟，看见了可爱脸后的辛酸。看见了她弱不经风的表面，却有一股坚强不让步的精神。

我想，喜欢归喜欢，我和她之间，最好的距离，还是朋友吧，一个我和她最舒服的距离。

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这一年来，自己总是不段的乱想， 全因自己始终也不想相信我和他已不可能，全应我自己看不透-我失恋了。但如今，有些东西，还是别那么执著更好。恋人未成，朋友也好。

现在该知的，不再是那些山明海誓，不是哪些追求或被追求的，而是简单的一句。。。

我失恋了，就那么简单

也该收拾心情，准备人生的下一个路程。

无语

人老了，成熟了，现实了，少了小时的天真，少了年轻的执著，真是个好事吗？

记得小时，常认为这世界简单的很，所谓的忧郁，就只因打不赢某种游戏而所造成。所谓的爱嘛，不只不过是因为隔壁的女同学漂亮的很。十天后，就这样忘掉了。钱嘛，和老母拿。前途理想嘛，就选像名侦探的柯南咯。、

当时，只懂得老姐是全世界的坏人。认为世界嘛，就是我所看见所触摸的，所看见的。

有时嘛，就希望自己可以快点长大。看清那所谓的成熟为何物？

有时嘛，就希望自己可以快点长大，少点依赖母亲，不须被老妈指三点四。

我不想被人认为我无知，天真，不想自己被小孩般看待。

那是我十二岁所想的天真的梦。

之后，发生了人生的转折点，途中不见了什么，得到的，也不尽其数。人嘛，就像现在小时所愿一样， 现实了， 成熟了。但，快乐嘛，我却不知。

以前相信友情，但现在，看透了，友情必不是想在电视般的重义气。朋友嘛，还是保持段距离好，

以前嘛，认为家庭为我的世界，现在啊，却比较享受外面的寒风，也不愿在待在那所谓的家里多一秒。

以前眼中的帮忙，如今被视为同情和弱者的表现。

以前眼中的梦想，是如今的天真白痴的狂想曲。

这就是我所谓的成长吗？现在的我还依不知。

看见身旁的朋友总是因朋友争执和亲人的约束搞得不开心，我总会劝劝他们珍惜现有的东西。虽知我自己并不相信我所讲的那一套，却总是搬出同一套东西和他们讲。因为我知。。

若看人生的太现实，毕竟不是件好事。

而且，这几年我也看穿了一间事。。

依赖，并不是一个枷锁，是一个幸福的象征。

独立，并不是一个选择，而是一个当你无法依赖时被逼选的道路。

我成长了吗？就让这三年看清我自己也好。

A reason to regret, A reason to fear

And when I thought I ditched my work, I recovered from asthma and fever, things could change to better.

And when I thought I will be leaving this country for good, something happened......

I should had controlled my diet, especially when I'm a high risk group...

And now it might means I can't fly......or I might somehow had a worst life later...

I'm depressed...

I'm scared...and I'll pray for no help...I'll juz pray everything will be ok...

2nd day...

Somehow very tempted to delete this post, but well, memories are indiscriminate, it records every single moment of my time...so, might as well i dun delete this post......

Well, I guess things aren't that desperate...

I'm not yet dead...

My loved ones are not in peril...

And I'm still alive kicking doing things with my will...

And finally the whole things might juz a shockover...

Well, I guess time to put things to rest, to everyone that send sms or juz greet me on MSN, TQ, I guess you guys make me realize I'm not really alone.

Guess whether things gonna be ok or not. Guess this event had made me seen lots of things...my troublesome diet, and also other things that I overlooked for along time. Friendship, I'll nvr see it, but it's there, in someplace unexpected...

Nothing will happen, dude......I'm sure of it!

My own graduation speech – posted by Jekyll

Good Morning

Look carefully to the persons around you. They might be your best friends, or a friend that share the same interest with you, your soul mates, a mere acquaintance, or perhaps, they are just those usual yet unfamiliar figures you’ll see on your class. No matter how and why are we related, we are here today, to witness one of the many ends of our lives, and perhaps, preparing ourselves to another stage of life – university life. And maybe three years later, you might see another set of difference faces this time. But no matter how many years had passed, how many people had passed and left our life; please remember that few years ago, we were once in this hall, sitting with those friends we treasured most.

There are times that we can’t wake up unless somewhere beside you give a big whack. There are times that we could be cheerful just because of a warm smile, or getting down just because of a cold shoulder. There are times that we get mad yet amused from the jokes of our friends. There are times that we worked together, we cried together, we played together, we complaint together, we emo-ed together, and enjoyed together.

Perhaps, it was those times that forged out bond as friends, and times passed mercilessly as we are united under the bondage that we named “friendship”. And even as we lauded “friendship forever”, we’ll always forget those moments are ephemeral, it passed away without notice. And therefore, I urged for reconciliations, for those among us that are consumed with hatred with each other. I urged for appreciation, for those of us that had found our best mates or the other one. I urged for actions, for those of us who are still looking at our dream half with regrets. I urged for recuperation, for those of us who had been unsuccessful in their endeavor, and finally, I urged for unity, for all of us who will be setting our path in a different world soon enough.

I was a well known nerd during my secondary school years, and when I thought back with my life with slightest regret, fate brought me to a place which I had least expected, to the dullest land of Shah Alam, in a place we called INTEC. And surprisingly, in this most boring place on earth, I am having the greatest fun ever unimagined. Those gossiping days, those karaoke and shopping days, those trips, those activities we joined, and even though I’m not a full participant of those events, those days are definitely fun as we looked back from our past. My life was once again illuminated, and though despairs seemed to be overwhelming, I know there are times I would eventually smile with a triumph in the end. My life in INTEC was like enjoying a cup of coffee, full of bitterness and with the slightest sweetness. Yet, it was the slightest that had made the coffee a good drink, and perhaps because of the slight sweetness that I learned to treasure it.

I am seeking forgiveness for those people that I had unknowingly hurt, due to my uncontrolled speech and my immaturity. And I know some of you might still holding grudges to me, even as I speak. However, I believe that those grudges will fade away as times passed by, and it will remain as the salt and sugar we had passed during those years. And thanks for those compliments, teases, scolding and advice, for they formed the part of me as I know today, and I valued it as how I valued my life.

Things will be eventually reaching an end.

And before the end, I just wanted to say, I really love those two years I am here, in INTEC. I might be looking cool, but I am well aware of the impact of your departure, and finally thanks for changing me, for better or worse, I treasured it most. And while I might leave just a mere stain in your memory, your presence will always be a carving in my memory lane.

Skies are no bound to our dreams,

Fiery flames are no match for our resolute,

Rules are no limit for our creativity,

The deepest sea, the precarious gorge,

Shall never be the boundary in our life

Dreams are meant to be fulfilled, and so

My friends, spread your wings and fly

To grab even the tiniest goals and the

The biggest dream

In this game we called LIFE

Thank You, and had a nice life afterwards. My blessings and prayers will always accompany you wherever you are.

Sigh... I guess...

Well, things had changed quite a lot since my last blog post. Though there's nothing much happened on the surface, a wild turbulent storm actually raged in my mind.

Suddenly, the class ended up without notice. Suddenly, those familiar faces that filled your eye everyday seemed to vanish in front of you. Suddenly, there's a dinner coming, which might meant the last gathering for us.

There are so many suddenly happened on me, that I actually failed to response...that the fact I didn't able to see some face is gonna make me down quite some time.

Hmm, sorry that I didn't come out for part 2, because of some sudden realization, I felt that those kind of information will only cloud your mind about what love is, as it did on mine.

To those GGs, if you can't stop being well to someone despite what I wrote, and you can't stop loving the certain someone despite how the girl reacted to you, I only had a few things to say...

You might be ended up single, but it was precisely those presence of those GG that we know that there were still people who sacrificed for love , that the ideal love in drama might be come true, and your effort, regardless fruitless or not, will receive our blessing as it was because those GG that we know that true love can still exist in this self-centered society.

Perhaps it was just me, but love is more than just a strategy game of sex seduction. It was not mere ststus change or achievement. It involves love, commitment, responsibilities, and understanding. In the end, feelings played a major importance in a relationship that those love tricks you might stumbled in bookstore.

Follow your feelings. You might not be successful but you gonna learn sth abt urself in the process...Faith is always the best plan.

So, for those GG that had suffered from singlehood, I hope you might give a reconsideration on what had you done and reassessed it, and had the preparation to taste the bitter end...should you wanna continue. If you juz wanna a girl, I believe those love trick books will give u a good advice...

* = = sth written out of boredom, might not represent what the author really think *

For Good Guys...part 1

I accidentally stumbled on a stranger's blog talking about ways to seduce girls, which reminds me of a book I read before......

In his blog, he had mentioned a phenomena when girls seemed to be in favor of "bad guys" instead of "good guys", and within my years in secondary school, I can often see that girls often favors guys that will be labelled as a badass by our parents and by the guai guai zhai like us...

I couldn't understand this during my secondary school years, and while watching animes and TVB hong kong drama, I couldn't understand, just why those dramas are so different from the reality? until......

On one bored day, I walked aimlessly in Parkson until fate guided me to Popular, when I met the book that changed my mindset, the book which I labelled as " the bible of true human behavior ". And after reading the book, I was slightly enligtened of the phenomena "why gals favor bad guys more"......

And so I shall share my point of view to you, and though girls might not be agreeing at all, I can see that there are some extent of truth in statment I'm making...

* Please note that what I wrote doesn't represent what I had done, because the fact that I'm still single, and also the fact that I am still a guai guai zhai that had no confidence in tackling girls. This is written just to share what I learn. SO definitely I am no casanova materials...

And actually I', just copy and pasting info from the book, so, burn the book instead of me.... = = *

And again, it doesn't apply to all situation, but most, i can say.... *

THE DEADLY MISTAKES of GUAI GUAI ZHAI (a.k.a good guys)

* I shall label guai guai zhai as GG *

1. Give in yourself too easily...

Act

Most guys, when met their favorite girls, will either remain silent, or started being nice to her. The GG will..... helping her in any way possible, from simple things like carrying stuff, to things such as repairing the pipe in her house, cared for her in every single details, from the tiniest details to the greatest stuff......

By hoping that he helped the girl much, she will start to appreciate the guy and grateful and fall in love with him...

While I admit this method might work on girls that had never fall in love before, this method will never work to most girls, esp. girls that had some amount of popularity, or girls that having lots of secret admirer.

Reason

Imagine this situation...

Mr. A get his first Ipod after working for few months, ranging from washing toilet, spreading flyers and doings works that others might not imagine, and finally after 3 months, he used his hard earned wages to get his first Ipod

Mr.B received his first Ipod in a birthday present.

Assuming that Mr.A and Mr.B had the same personality, and the Ipod is the same model, which perosn will treasure his Ipod more?

Obviously Mr. A will treasure his Ipod more. And from this situation, we can bring out one simple fact ... people treasured things that are not easily gained, and also the fact that people always take things for granted.

So advice for the GGs, if you offer yourself too easily, your efforts might strike surprise to the girl for the first time, but as times goes by, she 'll get used to all those nice things you do to her (take things for granted), you might gained acceptance from girl, but as a FRIEND, not boyfriend.

Especially for popular girls, you might not know that other guys might be doing the same things like you (helping the girl in any way possible). Then, among those other guys and you, are you stand out special among those other girls? Definitely a No!

Bad guys might knowing, or unknowingly know this fact, and therefore, their way of tackling girl is different...

Solution

I offer no solution to this matter, but from those things I wrote, I bet you can figure out a solution within some time...

Part 2 coming soon, and NOTE, those things I write apply to GIRL as well....

I'm Alive

It seemed to be a long time since i last updated a blog. Though there are much to say, I'm just too lazy to convert those things to words...and despite summer's going to end, I felt so lazy that I rather stuck in my own comfy bed playing games, instead of gathering gossips......

Kinda of lazy now @.@ .......

And during those days of bed cramming, I found an anime, which turned out to be quite nice....Kuroshitsuji!


Well, I save the story sypnosis for later, but looking at the wallpaper, this fella looks ...kind of cool. And while cramming the anime, I noticed a nice song...which I think I lack the most......

It was sung in English, (though i'm not sure whether she's a japanese singer or english singer) and though her voice is not the taylor swift type, I find her voice quite unique... here's the lyric

Becca I'm Alive

Nothing I say comes out right
I can't love without a fight
No-one ever knows my name
When I pray for sun, it rains
I'm so sick of wasting time
But nothings moving in my mind
Inspiration can't be found
I get up and fall but...

[CHORuS]
I'm ALIVE!
I'm ALIVE! Oh, yeah
Between the good and bad's where you'll find me
Reaching for heaven
I will fight
And I sleep when I die
I live, My life, I'm ALIVE!

Every lover breaks my heart
And I know it from the start
Still I end up in a mess
Every time I second Guess
All my friend's just run away
When I'm having a bad day
I would rather stay in bed
But I know there's reasons

[CHORuS]Repeat

When I'm bored to death at home
When he won't pick up the phone
When I'm stuck in second place
Those regrets I can't erace
Only I can change the end
Of the movie in my head
There's no time for misery
I won't feel sorry for me

[CHORuS]
[CHORuS]


I guess I really nid it...